WEDDING OFF- STUCK WITH DEBT

[Anonymous]

I WAS TO BE MARRIED IN 2 MONTHS- AND WE JUST CALLED IT OFF AND PARTED COMPANY. OF COURSE WITH THE ENGAGEMENT RING, LOST DEPOSITS, WEDDING DRESS, ... I AM IN ABOUT $12,000 DEBT WITH THAT AND ANOTHER $14,000 IN CREDIT CARD DEBT B/C OF MY STUPIDITY WITH MY FIANCE PURCHASING THINGS FOR HIM B/C HIS CREDIT WASN'T GOOD. SO NOW I SIT WITH A BROKEN HEART AND $26,000 IN DEBT- IN MY NAME ONLY. HE SAID HE'LL HELP PAY AND HE HAS GIVEN MY ABOUT $400 SO FAR. I HAVE TRANSFERRED BALANCES ON 4 CREDIT CARDS SO I HAVE ABOUT 5.9% ON EACH. ANY SUGGESTIONS HOW TO PAY OFF QUICKER AND HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN FINANCIAL HEART?

[adamkingadam]

well since it is all in your name you dont really have much recourse other than the promise that he will pay you for the charges.

I am not sure ifi quite understand, did you transfer the balances to 4 cards so they total 5.9% utilization or apr's of 5.9%.    Anyone feel free to correct me if i am wrong but wount it reflect as the same total utilization once all the balances are added up?

If that is the case i would transfer all of it to the lowest apr and just do your best to pay that card off, and make sure to keep the late payments away so they cant raise that apr!

[Anonymous]

1st I would pray and ask God for his healing and strength during this time (if you believe in him like that); 2nd I would talk to the ex and possibly see if he is willing to sign a document that you get notarized - you can go to the currency exchange and do this- stating that he is going to help you pay for the expenses incurred in preparation for the wedding; check with his parents, maybe they will have some compassion and be able to help with the financial debt or talk him into helping you out.  I am so very sorry to hear about the breakup and you know, though it hurts now you may be grateful for the out now than somewhere down the line when you have more to lose and even more of your heart and finances invested.  Praying for your success in this whole thing.

Eve

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry to hear about what happened. Please do everything you can to tackle this debt as soon as possible. Even, if it includes getting a second job. If you fall behind now, it will be seven years to recover.

I have been married almost two years and have found out that my husband has not filed taxes for 10 years and have over 40,000 in credit card debt. I have been trying to get him up to speed and help, but he apparently has no interest in clearing up his debts. He is very talented and a successful business owner. But, after exhausting myself with trying to set up a family savings plan of $25.00 per week minimum, I am left doing this by myself. So, I am working on my own credit and making sure I take care of myself as well because I was helping him pay off debts. I love my hubby dearly, but I cannot let his financial irresponsibility become my own. Hopefully he will learn from my example.

God Bless!!! I know things will work out well for you even if they do not seem that way now.

Best,

Cecilia

[Jacque383]

Mona,

I am truly sorry to hear what’s happened to you. I’m sure having to deal with the wedding being called off AND the financial burden left to you has got to be difficult.

I know you mentioned that his credit was trashed. I don’t suppose he has any credit available in order to transfer some of this burden onto his credit? Credit cards perhaps?  If not, then I would get something in writing, signed and notarized, that he is responsible for at minimum half the debt. Set up a working payment plan suitable to you both. A few years ago there was a story in the news about a couple who had split, the same thing happened to her. She sued him (no, I’m not suggesting this) and won a judgement against her ex-fiance. I would at least suggest you get something in writing.

As for all the debt, with 2 months still to go for the wedding it seems to me you’d be able to cancel some of the things that go along with weddings. For example, churchs or places, wedding receptions, caterer’s, photographers, etc …. You might have to lose the deposit, but most places allow refunds, especially with 2 more months to go.  

I can see not returning a wedding dress as most have to be altered. Honeymoon trips – heck, I’d just go by myself.

In any event, I’m new to this site myself so I’m not nearly as knowledgeable on how to handle this as many of the folks are here. However, I will say keep reading the boards. There is a tremendous amount of information and everyone is genuinely helpful.

Best of luck to you.

Message Edited by Jacque383 on 07-31-2007 05:24 PM

Message Edited by Jacque383 on 07-31-2007 05:26 PM

[Anonymous]

---

MONA wrote:

I WAS TO BE MARRIED IN 2 MONTHS- AND WE JUST CALLED IT OFF

...

WITH THE ENGAGEMENT RING, LOST DEPOSITS, WEDDING DRESS

...

I AM IN ABOUT $12,000 DEBT WITH THAT AND ANOTHER $14,000 IN CREDIT CARD DEBT B/C OF MY STUPIDITY WITH MY FIANCE PURCHASING THINGS FOR HIM

...

$26,000 IN DEBT- IN MY NAME ONLY. HE SAID HE'LL HELP PAY AND HE HAS GIVEN MY ABOUT $400 SO FAR.

...

I HAVE TRANSFERRED BALANCES ON 4 CREDIT CARDS SO I HAVE ABOUT 5.9% ON EACH. ANY SUGGESTIONS HOW TO PAY OFF QUICKER AND HOW TO HEAL A BROKEN FINANCIAL HEART?

So sorry to hear about your situation. Money matters sting enough, but it's worse when there's family or loved ones involved.

Wedding dress probably cannot be liquidated very easily, but I suspect the engagement ring can.

I would call your now former betrothed on his offer to help pay. Let him get a cash advance from his CC, or a signature loan from a bank or CU, or whatever, and to cough up some cash.

Were any of the purchases secured? Car purchase, stereo, suits, etc. Sears or Circuit City CC purchases (those tend to have security agreements in them)

You might even go talk with a lawyer. Might be a stretch, might not. Depending upon the state where you reside, there may or may not be legal recourse for you. If y'all were shacked up, the word palimony comes to mind. Even if you weren't, a good lawyer who does divorce might be worth a consult--particularly if your ex's parents have deep pockets.

[cadavis0609]

I would get a promisary note signed by him right now while he's still agreeing to pay it, or while he still thinks there may be a chance that you will be together again. That way, at least if he doesn't hold up his end of the deal, you have some legal recourse and it won't be your word against his.

[Anonymous]

Oh Mona I am so sorry about your situation....  Your heart will heal - I promise. *hugs*

Let's talk about your financial situation:

• Your ex has said that he will help you pay.  Get it in writing ASAP!!  If he decides to renege on the deal, you can't do anything about it he verbally agreed to the deal.  If you have it in writing, you can sue him for breach of contract.    Don't think that doing this is being bitter about the situation - you are being pragmatic with your finances.   Your financial situation is "just business - nothing personal".

You want to develop a simple, written contract stating that your ex agrees to pay $X amount of dollars toward the debt (x payments of $y dollars due on a specific date), and your ex has already paid $400 toward the debt.  You and he sign it in front of a witness, and the witness also signs it.  You keep one copy, you give him another copy.   You will also need to give him a receipt (and keep a copy for yourself) for each payment that he makes. 

Get him to pay for at least the things that you purchased for him on your own credit cards.

• Do what you can to sell what you don't need anymore, like the engagement ring and the wedding dress.  Even consider selling non-wedding things that you don't need anymore.  If you can, get an appraisal value for the engagement ring  (if you don't have one already) to help judge what to sell it for.   You probably will have a hard time selling it for the full appraisal value, but you can probably sell it for 30-50% off the appraisal.   When you sell the ring, include the appraisal as part of the package.  Use the money you get from the sale to put toward the wedding debt.
• Moving the balances to the lower interest rate cards is a good thing!   Even though that interest rate (5.9%) is relatively low, see if you can negotiate a lower interest rate with the credit cards, or try to get a promotional special with the credit cards, like 0% interest for 6 months.  
• If you are able, get a second job to help pay the debt.   The extra money will help pay off the debt, and the time spent keeping busy will help your pain.