topic Re: Wedding debt.. in Relationships and Money

Wedding debt..

Isaiah2990 — Sun, 06 May 2012 13:25:34 GMT

So me and my gf were talking about marriage and how much wedding expenses would cost..she said no more than 10k.. in my opinion I feel that it will cost more than that and I think that is too much already..we already have to pay back student loans when we graduate, I feel like this will be adding on to it..she says her parents and grand parents will help pay for it..but I honestly don't see anything wrong with getting married at a courthouse and then having a really nice reception and honeymoon..and I wouldnt want it to be a financial burden on them anyway..what are some good suggestions ?

Re: Wedding debt..

drkaje — Sun, 06 May 2012 14:08:34 GMT

Posting from my iPhone so please excuse any typos or brevity but..... Taking on $10K+ more debt for a wedding, with a 591 score, and expecting erring gifts to offset eloverspending would be foolish. If that's her idea of handling finances you two should really have a long talk right now. After a wedding people start talking about houses. Do what you can afford and avoid starting out a new marriage with excess debt.

Re: Wedding debt..

Isaiah2990 — Sun, 06 May 2012 16:17:45 GMT

drkaje wrote:
Posting from my iPhone so please excuse any typos or brevity but..... Taking on $10K+ more debt for a wedding, with a 591 score, and expecting erring gifts to offset eloverspending would be foolish. If that's her idea of handling finances you two should really have a long talk right now. After a wedding people start talking about houses. Do what you can afford and avoid starting out a new marriage with excess debt.

We aren't getting married any time soon.. we were just talking about it and how much expenses would come up too...I wouldn't get into a marriage knowing my credit isn't good, this is one of the MANY reasons why I am working on fixing it..I just honestly feel like $10k for a wedding is a waste.

Re: Wedding debt..

drkaje — Sun, 06 May 2012 16:59:08 GMT

You're right. Sadly, most end up convincing themselves this will be the only time they take on excessive debt and trade peace of mind for a SO's happiness. :) if you can really afford $10k on a wedding reception, it's still likely a waste but at least interest won't be tacked on top. :)

Re: Wedding debt..

drkaje — Sun, 06 May 2012 17:04:00 GMT

I misread your score earlier. No way, dude.

We have the same first name!! I go by a nickname of my middle name, though. Isaiah was always too formal and difficult for me to spell as a kid.

Re: Wedding debt..

Isaiah2990 — Sun, 06 May 2012 19:06:02 GMT

I wouldn't blow 10k on a reception either..if her family is paying for it that's fine..but I refuse to take out loans for it...and my middle name is Isaiah..I really didn't embrace it until high school lol

Re: Wedding debt..

drkaje — Sun, 06 May 2012 19:21:30 GMT

"Jake" is short for Jacoby. I tried very hard to use a proper name, professionally, but gave up.

Ho is the fiancée with financial management in othe areas?

Re: Wedding debt..

Isaiah2990 — Sun, 06 May 2012 20:56:58 GMT

drkaje wrote:
"Jake" is short for Jacoby. I tried very hard to use a proper name, professionally, but gave up.

Ho is the fiancée with financial management in othe areas?

fiancee ? naw..I don't plan on popping the question until we're close to graduation lol ..and she says she has no lines of credit..she has a part time job on campus though.

Re: Wedding debt..

IOBA — Sun, 06 May 2012 21:52:17 GMT

DH and I just got married at the preacher's house. We dressed nicely, had the ceremony, just us. I think he took the certificate into another room for his wife and friend to sign as witnesses. We thanked him, left, and went to our favorite restaurant for lunch.

No friends or family. No gifts. No honeymoon.

It's not anyone elses job to get us started in married life - it's ours. And if we can't afford to do things together, like start a life without going into debt or depending on others to pay for a start, we won't do so well starting. We might improve later on, but then again, maybe not.

So we choose to do the path of self pay.

As for the honeymoon, we thought the purpose was to get our jiggy on. Well, sheez, we can do that at home. ;) Why spend hundreds or thousands to pay for a different place to do that??

Just our story...

Re: Wedding debt..

cassembler — Mon, 07 May 2012 01:58:19 GMT

My wife and I both agreed before and after the wedding we would have preferred to elope. However, the wedding is really more for friends and family than the bride and groom. Ask most folks who have been married - the ceremony and reception go by really fast, and then you wake up thinking, "That would have been a nice down payment on a house!"

I'm also old-fashioned - father of the bride should pay for most (if not all) of the wedding, unless there are circumstances preventing that. The budget in that case is between bride and father, and the groom basically says, "Whatever you want dear," and makes it happen.

Regardless, you can do a great ceremony and reception for cheap, and it will arguably be just as much fun. Stock up on disposable cameras and cheap wine and champagne, for an open bar. This ~$500 expense guarantees all of your guests will be happy with whatever else there is :)

$0.02

Re: Wedding debt..

Isaiah2990 — Mon, 07 May 2012 03:45:10 GMT

I agree with you 100%..it should be the father of the bride's responsibility..not mines.

Re: Wedding debt..

drkaje — Mon, 07 May 2012 03:48:15 GMT

You're the one getting married!! :)

Re: Wedding debt..

cassembler — Mon, 07 May 2012 04:53:10 GMT

Well, without really knowing any details, I'd say the best thing you can do is talk about it with your GF. After all, this is a great chance to see how well the two of you communicate about these sorts of things.

drkaje wrote:
You're the one getting married!! :)

At the end of the day, +1

Re: Wedding debt..

Isaiah2990 — Mon, 07 May 2012 07:10:36 GMT

Me and her had the talk earlier..I explained that when we go into marriage that we will have other expenses to pay for (student loans, rent/mortgage, and utilities) and I told her I do not want to go into marriage paying off a loan..She says that since she is the first child and grand child her parents and parents are going to be more than willing to help pay for the wedding..she still said my contributions are still needed..she said she would want us to say money instead of take out loans.

Re: Wedding debt..

FrugalRican — Mon, 07 May 2012 13:16:38 GMT

The stories I could tell.

My best friend just got married and he was convinced that he was doing everything the right way. He limited the budget for the wedding and gave up one concession... the wedding dress. They live in Puerto Rico (where there are PLENTY of beautiful dresses being sold) and she decided she wanted to come to New York to buy a wedding dress (just so she could brag she had a NY wedding dress). The dress cost him over 2K, plus the plane trip, plus additional expenses... The "dress" ended up costing him almost everything he had saved on the actual wedding/reception.

I already told my girlfriend that we are going small, conservative, family-type wedding.

I know that the day is all about "her", but in the end, you also have to be financially responsible. The worst thing anyone could do is overextend themselves and start out a life together in debt just because you wanted her to be happy for one day. And like others have stated, spending on a wedding while counting on the "windfall" of wedding money is a dangerous way to think. You could spend 15K easily and only get back 5.

Re: Wedding debt..

drkaje — Mon, 07 May 2012 13:19:59 GMT

@ FR,

Your buddy got played. :)

Re: Wedding debt..

Isaiah2990 — Mon, 07 May 2012 13:40:24 GMT

FrugalRican wrote:
The stories I could tell.

My best friend just got married and he was convinced that he was doing everything the right way. He limited the budget for the wedding and gave up one concession... the wedding dress. They live in Puerto Rico (where there are PLENTY of beautiful dresses being sold) and she decided she wanted to come to New York to buy a wedding dress (just so she could brag she had a NY wedding dress). The dress cost him over 2K, plus the plane trip, plus additional expenses... The "dress" ended up costing him almost everything he had saved on the actual wedding/reception.

I already told my girlfriend that we are going small, conservative, family-type wedding.

I know that the day is all about "her", but in the end, you also have to be financially responsible. The worst thing anyone could do is overextend themselves and start out a life together in debt just because you wanted her to be happy for one day. And like others have stated, spending on a wedding while counting on the "windfall" of wedding money is a dangerous way to think. You could spend 15K easily and only get back 5.

I'm definitely not trying to be that guy..at least me and her had "the talk" before I even plan on proposing..I have to get my finances in order first.

Re: Wedding debt..

FrugalRican — Mon, 07 May 2012 13:42:16 GMT

drkaje wrote:
@ FR,

Your buddy got played. :)

Yes, he did, and I told him so.

Even my DGF said: What the...

Because he was talking to us about he was being financially responsible, but we calculated the expenses with him and then it hit him...

The saddest thing was seeing his face once he realized what happened.

And then my DGF saw the wedding pictures. The dress was pretty bad. Thousands down the drain just so she could brag about a dress from NYC.

Re: Wedding debt..

FrugalRican — Mon, 07 May 2012 13:45:11 GMT

Isaiah2990 wrote:
I'm definitely not trying to be that guy..at least me and her had "the talk" before I even plan on proposing..I have to get my finances in order first.

Stick to the "talk", is what I'm gonna say. You sound like you are trying to do the right thing, good luck to you!

Re: Wedding debt..

Dadaluma83 — Thu, 10 May 2012 18:37:20 GMT

I am currently single but hoping to find a girl that shares my frugal ways. My view on cars is never buy new, and never take out an auto loan. Get a respectable used car for 7-8k or even less if possible, and throw in a repair or two as needed and you are good to go.

I have the same view on a wedding. Why spend yourself to death? Me personally I would be happy with just spending a few hundred dollars as necessary, get married in the church with a handful of family and friends, then have a family cookout afterward to celebrate the big day. No expensive receptions or events. A nice little ceremony and cookout with family and friends will make me, and hopefully her, happy. After all the people you are around is what makes the day special, not how much "bling" you have.

If you save as much as possible and spend as little as possible on the wedding, then you can have a nice dream honeymoon vacation. Personally my dream honeymoon is spending a week in the australian outback.