topic Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined? in Relationships and Money

Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

ivyalmighty — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:05:36 GMT

**IMPORTANT NOTE -- WE ARE STILL LEGALLY MARRIED. SEPARATED FOR 3YRS, BUT DIVORCED HAS NOT COMPLETED.**

When my STB-ex & I separated 3yrs ago, it was decided that he would bear responsibility 4 the $20k in credit cards we had together - as he makes 7 times what I do. He consolidated the balances on the two cards, onto a third card in his own name, and he said (he may have even believed) that he also completely closed the two prior joint credit cards as well.

I never gave it another thought. I opened up one credit card in my own name, and have nurtured it for the past two years.

I have kept credit monitoring, but never even looked in the "credit card" section, because I knew what I had and always made timely payments. I only kept an eye on the collections section ... (I have a daughter who was ill for the past few years, first with Lyme disease, and then a year of illness before also being diagnosed with Crohns Disease, so it has been a very trying time, and with doctors in three states involved, tracking and paying all the bills has been stressful, and sometimes we miss one - or maybe they donn't even send a bill?? til it ends up in collections.)

This past year, my ex remembered or realized he had access to $20k in credit lines, and ran up the entire amount in 3 months time from April-Jun. Then, he didn't make payments on them.

I have been getting ready to purchase a home 4 the #1 time, and that is how I learned about this. The credit monitoring service I use, I never looked under the cc section b4, bc I knew I only had one little card in my own name, and always made payments. When planning w the lender we intend to use, she looked at the whole report and asked me about the maxed out cards, and missed payments in July-Aug-Sep. Whaaaaaattt??! So he not only ran up $20k in 3mo, he then didn't make any payments.

He'd already told me last month he's going **bleep** in cc debt.

He's destroyed his credit and my own, in about six months time.

I have not lived in the same state as him, never seen a statement, never accessed the account, since Mar 2010. I didn't even know about it. They all went to his house, in his state. The charges are clearly all his (including a $10K pmt to the IRS 4 his unpaid taxes - paying taxes on a cc, the epitome of irresponsibility), and he is willing to say so, to whomever needs to hear it, were that to help save my credit. if that would even make a difference, since I was joint regardless, AND we are still technically married.

Is there ANY way I can be absolved 4 responsibility 4 what he's done????

Do I have ANY other option, other than filing bankruptcy myself???

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

heathuhhhhwebbbb — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 14:50:54 GMT

ivyalmighty wrote:

When my STB-ex & I separated 3yrs ago, it was decided that he would bear responsibility **bleep** he may have believed) that he also completely closed the two prior credit cards as well.
I never gave it another thought. I opened up one credit card in my own name, and have nurtured it for the past two years.
I have kept credit monitoring, but never even looked in the "credit card" section, because I knew what I had and always made timely payments. I only kept an eye on the collections section ... (I have a daughter who was ill for the past few years, first with Lyme disease, and then a year of illness before also being diagnosed with Crohns Disease, so it has been a very trying time, and with doctors in three states involved, tracking and paying all the bills has been stressful, and sometimes we miss one - or maybe they donn't even send a bill?? til it ends up in collections.)

This past year, my ex **bleep** in credit lines, in 3 months time from April-Jun. Then, he didn't make payments on them.

I have been getting ready to purchase my **bleep** and already screwing up royally by not making payments.

He's also **bleep**, he's undone mine for my credit.

I **bleep** if that would even make a difference, since I was joint regardless.

I know that, if I am responsible for this debt (cards had a 0 balance until April of this year, when he did all this), the creditor will come after me even if he files bankruptcy. Also, his bankruptcy on these cards will show on MY credit report.

Do I have ANY other option, other than filing bankruptcy myself???

All the bleeps make it difficult to read your story. From what I got from it, your ex opened 3 cc's after you were separated? Is this correct?

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

Creditaddict — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 14:59:34 GMT

You had 3 joint accounts that he was to pay but you all did not go in and close the 3 accounts and now recently this year ran them up and then stopped payments?

If he **bleep** you are not juts auth.?

So yes if he **bleep** for you!

but if he is currently not paying and you just now got info? credit monitoring hadn't been updating you of missed payments?

If you could bring them current and CLOSE THEM!!! and try to **bleep** to paying.

TRe: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

Jutz — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:05:32 GMT

This is like crappy Mad Libs. I read it as he used the existing joint cards that should have been closed irresponsibly, ran them up, then didn't pay them, but I could be wrong. Maybe he got increases in CL and didn't pay them?

Re: TRe: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

heathuhhhhwebbbb — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:07:54 GMT

Jutz wrote:
This is like crappy Mad Libs. I read it as he used the existing joint cards that should have been closed irresponsibly, ran them up, then didn't pay them, but I could be wrong. Maybe he got increases in CL and didn't pay them?

HAHAHA! It is.

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

ivyalmighty — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:07:59 GMT

What is up with all the bleeps?? I have entire sentences and most of paragraphs that got bleeped out???? I have gone back and edited, I read the posts about eff being a dirty LETTER. what the heck...

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

distantarray — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:11:03 GMT

Creditaddict wrote:
You had 3 joint accounts that he was to pay but you all did not go in and close the 3 accounts and now recently this year ran them up and then stopped payments?
If he **bleep** you are not juts auth.?
So yes if he **bleep** for you!
but if he is currently not paying and you just now got info? credit monitoring hadn't been updating you of missed payments?
If you could bring them current and CLOSE THEM!!! and try to **bleep** to paying.

***bleep*** haha but anyways if it's in a joint name it's technically the OP's fault for not closing out the account and not making sure. Regardless it's best to try to set a resolution with the credit card company. Try explaining your situation to the credit card companies if they could close the account in good standng if you bring it to current. it's a long shot but as best as you can do.

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

heathuhhhhwebbbb — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:11:32 GMT

ivyalmighty wrote:
**IMPORTANT NOTE -- WE ARE STILL LEGALLY MARRIED. SEPARATED FOR 3YRS, BUT DIVORCED HAS NOT COMPLETED.**
When my STB-ex & I separated 3yrs ago, it was decided that he would bear responsibility 4 the $20k in credit cards we had together - as he makes 7 times what I do. He consolidated the balances on the two cards, onto a third card in his own name, and he said (he may have even believed) that he also completely closed the two prior joint credit cards as well.
I never gave it another thought. I opened up one credit card in my own name, and have nurtured it for the past two years.
I have kept credit monitoring, but never even looked in the "credit card" section, because I knew what I had and always made timely payments. I only kept an eye on the collections section ... (I have a daughter who was ill for the past few years, first with Lyme disease, and then a year of illness before also being diagnosed with Crohns Disease, so it has been a very trying time, and with doctors in three states involved, tracking and paying all the bills has been stressful, and sometimes we miss one - or maybe they donn't even send a bill?? til it ends up in collections.)

This past year, my ex remembered or realized he had access to $20k in credit lines, and ran up the entire amount in 3 months time from April-Jun. Then, he didn't make payments on them.

I have been getting ready to purchase a home 4 the #1 time, and that is how I learned about this. The credit monitoring service I use, I never looked under the cc section b4, bc I knew I only had one little card in my own name, and always made payments. When planning w the lender we intend to use, she looked at the whole report and asked me about the maxed out cards, and missed payments in July-Aug-Sep. Whaaaaaattt??! So he not only ran up $20k in 3mo, he then didn't make any payments. Where were the bills for these cc's being sent to?

He'd already told me last month he's going **bleep** in cc debt.

He's destroyed his credit and my own, in about six months time.

I have not lived in the same state as him, never seen a statement, never accessed the account, since Mar 2010. I didn't even know about it. They all went to his house, in his state. The charges are clearly all his (including a $10K pmt to the IRS 4 his unpaid taxes - paying taxes on a cc, the epitome of irresponsibility), and he is willing to say so, to whomever needs to hear it, were that to help save my credit. if that would even make a difference, since I was joint regardless, AND we are still technically married.

Is there ANY way I can be absolved 4 responsibility 4 what he's done????

Do I have ANY other option, other than filing bankruptcy myself???

TBH, I think if you're "separated" and can prove it was before all the charges, you could possibly fight them. But I could be wrong. I know that it would be hard though considering its a joint account. I'm still an AU on two of my ex husbands credit cards, but he is REALLY a stickler for his credit score, so I don't have to worry about his accounts ever going in the negative or becoming too high on UT%.

But being an AU isn't really the same as being on a joint account.

Re: TRe: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

ivyalmighty — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:13:35 GMT

Jutz is right. We had two joint cards totaling $20K. He paid them to zero as we agreed, but did not close them. Then this yr, he lost his shriveled mind, and blew through the entire $20k in credit, in 3 months. And is now in paperwork 4 bankruptcy.

Paying them, with maxed-out balances, is not an option 4 me. Not in my entire living yrs, even. I only MAKE $20k/yr, and on that salary I cover the expenses 4 our daughter who has Crohns Disease & had Lyme Disease.. plus our other two daughters.

Re: TRe: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

heathuhhhhwebbbb — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:21:06 GMT

ivyalmighty wrote:
Jutz is right. We had two joint cards totaling $20K. He paid them to zero as we agreed, but did not close them. Then this yr, he lost his shriveled mind, and blew through the entire $20k in credit, in 3 months. And is now in paperwork 4 bankruptcy.

Paying them, with maxed-out balances, is not an option 4 me. Not in my entire living yrs, even. I only MAKE $20k/yr, and on that salary I cover the expenses 4 our daughter who has Crohns Disease & had Lyme Disease.. plus our other two daughters.

Well that sorta explains him running them up if he planned to 4ile 4 bankruptcy? I thought you had to pay all debt back anyway with the new laws?

You should try to contact the CC. Explain your situation to them and hopefully they'll be able to help.

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

ivyalmighty — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:20:26 GMT

The bills were always sent to his home, in VA. I moved to PA & have lived there ever since.

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

ivyalmighty — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:26:07 GMT

Of course the #1 thing I did was contact the cc company. That was within moments. The lady on the phone was very sympathetic, as her ex did the same thing to her. She said too bad, you are equally responsible no matter how many states away you moved or how long it's been since you accessed them.

...I was just hoping she was wrong, under-educated about methods 4 recourse, or saying what she was supposed to say as a cc rep.

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

Cadillac-XTS — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 15:31:28 GMT

I hope you can find a way to get this resolved as it is a shameful act on your husband.

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

distantarray — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 16:12:25 GMT

if you have anything written after the separatation that he was supposed to close the accounts it could work in your favor, but since you ignored the credit card section on your credit reports it would really look like you were very careless in which you were. One the accounts are brought to 0 you could have probably requested to remove yourself I know in a time of divorce or separation things are tough, but this is why people should NEVER do a joint or co-signed accounts even when married.

Only time I think people should do anything joint is on a house if one person's income does not qualify, but personally I think people should use only one person's income in most cases because in case of bankruptcy in the future you can rely on the other spouse's credit to get a new loan =x

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

ivyalmighty — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 16:43:11 GMT

I do have it in writing that he was to close the accounts, but NFCU told me yesterday that (and I already knew this) they do not take judge's orders or agreements into consideration. Once joint, always joint.

And I am really upset and destroyed over this happening. I realize it would have come to my attention if I had inspected that tab on my report in the previous years. That is the most painful part. Since they had a zero balance all this time, there was nothing popping up to cause me to even look. And upon looking, NFCU didn't report from Apr-Sep, and then reported this entire mess all at once.

I believe what he may have done, was inactivated the credit lines, but not close them. Then when he decided to ruin his life earlier this year, he realized they weren't totally closed, and he reactivated those two cards. It's all I can imagine. If he had realized he had $20K at his disposal in the past 2yrs, you can bet he would have already run it up. he is terrible with credit.

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

llecs — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 16:55:00 GMT

Hey stranger....sorry for the "bleeps". Technical issue as mentioned.

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

ivyalmighty — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 19:07:26 GMT

Ha, hi llecs. Remember how hard I worked to rebuild both our credit... well, apparently he only saw it as a paycheck (issued on credit, of course). Ouch.

And I'm pretty much back at square one. At least I know where to come.

I spoke to the CC company (NFCU) further today. They don't say anything helpful. Paying back $20k on my own self-employment salary (which is only $20k after taxes, on which I raise our three kids with no child support) is not an option - the payments are over $400/mo. Even restructuring and extending the payments out many years isn't a possibility, they said :-( ... and there's no way to take myself off as joint now, bc he doesn't have the monetary ability to handle the full debt on his own, which is the only way I could be taken off. So that means it will just hit my credit report as a charge-off, with a note about the bankruptcy that he is filing.

Does anyone see any other option for me, besides bankruptcy?

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

scarrollprint — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 19:32:37 GMT

Has he already filed for bankruptcy?

If not how can they prove he can not financially afford this debt?

I would work on getting yourself removed as best you can before he files for bankruptcy.

In the mean time, start filling out whatever you need to sue for child support. There is no reason a father should not support ANY of his children. But then again, doing this only proves he's not much of a man to begin with.

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

ivyalmighty — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 19:55:21 GMT

I had very good reasons and they work 4 us. He adopted my children after raising them since they were 7mo and 3yrs old, respectively. Bc of him, they will have insurance 4 the rest of their lives, cfree college tuition, and a cfather. Even if he is terrible with money. He takes care of them very well and when big expenses come up 4 them, we decide what a cfair split is, or one pays knowing the other will get the next expense. cFor the one with a lot of medical expenses, I have handled those bills and expenses bc he is paying cfor the insurance. However, when she's been hospitalized on his time/days, he pays 4 those ones bc he cfeels he should. It works 4 us without a court cforcing anyone's wallet. To me, that's the sign of a real cfather - one that steps up on his own, not bc a judge told him to.

As 4 proving he can't handle it... his income went down cfrom $145K to about $35K in Feb of this yr bc he's had to quit working entirely due to deficits from a brain tumor, plus severe PSTD cfrom being a Marine 4 20yrs. His only income now, is retirement & 70% disability (cfrom the brain tumor). His disability rating is being evaluated 4 100% status, bc of the problems he has, but that could take 2yrs to see any payment increase. He has 2 car pmts, plus at least 4 other credit cards (that I know of) besides these 2 that are harming me. One look by the creditor at his DTI would be enough to show he can't handle it. That's not even considering they'll see the recent missed payments in July-Aug-Sep.

cFrankly, I think he should be declared incompetent and have someone appointed to manage his cfinances. I am talking to his sister about that, she is the one helping him cfile for bankruptcy.

Re: Ex Did a Terrible Thing... Is My Credit Ruined?

GregB — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 20:29:25 GMT

ivyalmighty wrote:
..........

Does anyone see any other option for me, besides bankruptcy?

Probably not, but let's look at this a bit more.

I would start by pulling your three credit reports and looking at the facts about the "responsibility" of each account. If any say AU, I would dispute as "not mine". If any say "joint" then look at the actual accounts and/or his account statements to see it they are actually joint. This is a good example of why joint accounts are probably a bad idea for anyone.

The information on "separated" or such is going to vary so much by state that you can probably only get good info from your Family Law Attorney. Did either of you file for divorce? The initial filing normally has language that makes what he did contempt of court.

The run up in debts may have big issues since it looks like it might be intentional. BK may toss out those debts. In any case, if you are actually joint and they don't get all of it from him, they will come after you for the rest. If he even file, they might just start with you for all of it. They won't think about it being half his debt and half your debt. They simply want to get paid. That probably means you would get force to file to protect any of his debt.

FYI: the mailing address being his, the charges be his, etc. will be completely irrelevant to the creditors. It could help if you have a provable contempt of court claim in the divorce but if you haven't filed for divorce before the charges then that argument is gone. If he truly can't earn money and has no assets then there isn't much point in getting a judgement against him anyway.

Depending on the laws in your state, his becoming disabled before the divorce is final may result in you paying him spousal support. I strongly suggest you talk with your Family Law Attorney ASAP. There is too much variability in the laws of different states to even guess at that.