topic Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead in Relationships and Money

Not a spouse story....but family instead

casmith1980 — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 05:07:55 GMT

Against my family's better judgement (and mine included) I decided to provide my older sister with a cellphone since her credit is/was crap. The agreement was that the bill would be set up on auto payment from her debit card.

Well, we all know how well "helping others out" end up :(. After three consecutive months of her cancelling auto payment, sending in partial payment, etc I decided to pull the plug. I called Verizon and was told there was a $90 balance plus an early termination fee of $110. I agreed to it and was told they would send me a bill.

I waited for the bill and when it arrived, it was actually $350. Apparently the payments she made bounced ! I sucked it up and paid and notified her in which case her response was "I'm not paying for a phone you turned off".

Long story short, she just signed yesterday for the 10 day demand letter before I file small claims case.

My sister (or anyone for that matter) is not worth risking my credit worthiness over. It's sad to think we will probably never speak after this but I'm at a loss of options :(

Thanks for letting me vent.

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

haulingthescoreup — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 06:08:37 GMT

I want to say that I hope it all smooths over (and I do hope this for your sake), but it sounds like your sister has a lot of growing up to do first.

I'm glad that your credit got off OK, anyway. And thumbs up for you for trying to help, even against your better judgment.

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

casmith1980 — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 17:44:10 GMT

My sister definitely has some growing up to do, it's sad that she's 6 years OLDER than me too.

I'm relieved my credit didn't take a hit, but that is because I acted as fast as possible. I'm concerned with telling my husband about the latest incident because he already hates my sister (forgot to mention she repossessed a vehicle in my name 10 years ago). I paid off the difference so I didn't get sued yet still found it in my heart to help her again.

Ugh, I'm a sucker!!!

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

drkaje — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 18:13:17 GMT

I'd get her a Tracfone for XMas! :)

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

casmith1980 — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 18:26:48 GMT

LOL

I actually feel kind of "dirty" with the recent registered mail I sent her.

I tried sending it at the beginning of October, but she knew what it was going to be so she never answered the door to sign for it, and conveniently never went by the post office to pick it up.

Well, my nephew's birthday was the 9th so I sent her a message via facebook that said "I'm sending my nephew a gift card for his birthday. It will arrive registered mail since I don't trust the postal service. If you want him to get his birthday present from his aunt, I suggest you sign for the card"

Well...that indeed prompted her to go pick up the letter from the post office. Sure it cost me a $20 gift card to Walmart that she will probably spend instead of my 7 year old nephew, but oh well. It was far worth is knowing I can now file suit :smileyhappy:

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

drkaje — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 18:43:25 GMT

Won't DH find out about the small claims court thing and do the "I told you so!" dance?

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

casmith1980 — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 18:50:06 GMT

Ya...I think that's why I don't want to tell him. I despise the "I told you so" line...and he's infamous for it.

I was thinking I'll just file suit, win my case, and then tell my husband "I sued my sister and won! Case dismissed" HAHAHAHAH

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

drkaje — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 18:59:15 GMT

I'd just let it go and finally learn the lesson.

Otherwise, there's gonna be dancing and you'll have to admit he was right.

FWIW, he probably just doesn't want to see you taken advantage of. That being said, if your finances are separate the misstep is really not his concern.

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

casmith1980 — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 19:17:47 GMT

I definitely learned my lesson (FINALLY).

Our income is combined for the most part, but I had received a settlement from a car accident which provided me the extra resources to pay off the Verizon account. Had I used our combined income to do so, I would have definitely mentioned it to him then and there.

Oh well...maybe my sister will "grow up" and take some responsibility one of these days. Until then, it won't be my credit she ruins :smileywink:

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

GregB — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 00:15:10 GMT

Yes, it will......after she gets to the point of filing for new credit in your name with her mailing address.

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

haulingthescoreup — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 01:34:16 GMT

GregB wrote:
Yes, it will......after she gets to the point of filing for new credit in your name with her mailing address.

Good point. Might be wise to freeze your reports, at a minimum.

Help me out everyone, if it needs to be something other than a freeze. I don't think you can do a fraud alert before someone pulls something, but I don't know much about these.

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

LilMirth — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 08:01:36 GMT

I'm really sorry to hear that your kindness and generosity towards your sister resulted in more grief for you, and more irresponsibility for her. No good deed goes unpunished, I suppose... :smileysad:

It sounds as though your dear older sister could use a good dressing down by Judge Judy! :smileytongue:

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

lofasz — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 16:38:36 GMT

so for $300 plus you really dont have a sister, how about that, ?

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

casmith1980 — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 17:32:56 GMT

Actaually, it's cost me more than $300....the repossessed truck 10 years ago cost me $7000 so I wouldn't have a judgement.

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

GregB — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 18:31:11 GMT

I think you have gone far, far beyond being a good sister and are well on the way to enabling further bad behavior.

With the info provided, it seems to me she has no concept of personal responsibility.

She seems to be assuming that somebody will keep digging her out. She needs to dig herself out so that she will understand personal responsibility.

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

casmith1980 — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 05:41:55 GMT

I couldn't agree more GregB!

I made the choice in September to no longer enable her, but it's been tough. I hate not having the relationship I once had with her, but as I've gotten older I realize that it was more of a one-sided relationship. As long as I was providing assistance, we communicated regularly. She will always be my sister, but I will no longer be her crutch.

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

inthelight314 — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 15:35:53 GMT

I think you said it all right there. As long as you provided her with financial assistance you two communicated. So what does that say about the "relationship"? Give her what she wants, and don't hold her responsible, or she isn't interested in you. That's just toxic. Not just financially, but mentally to you! We should never have to buy someone's love and acceptance. Enabling her is not healthy for either of you. It just builds resentment. If you keep bailing her out, she will never learn to manage for herself. It does more harm than help. Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is just to say "no". Personally, I would tell your husband about what happened. Why be dishonest? But then again, I don't know the full scope of the situation. Good luck with everything!

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

casmith1980 — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 20:22:51 GMT

A bit of a disappointing update...I was suckered again :(

So, after mailing the certified letter to my sister letting her know I was going to take her to small claims court for the $350 she owes PLUS any fees associated with filing, she sent me a text (from a new pre-paid cellphone) that she would pay $50 1/15/12, $50 2/15/12 and $250 no later than 2/29/12....Well, it's 3/20/12 and I have yet to receive a dime. She claims this is all due to her tax refund being "held up" with the IRS. I read quite a few horror stories with people's experiences this year with the refunds, but in my opinion, that doesn't hold water since she didn't even make the payment in January.

Everytime I text her she ensures me that as soon as she receives her refund she will pay the full balance. I then get a text from her on Friday letting me know she decided to go to California for the weekend. UGH!!! Sure....she has the money to blow in Cali but she can't even make a small payment to me!?!?!

(and just in case someone wants to come back at me about her being family - it breaks my heart that my sister has done this to me countless times over the last 14 years. I was extremely close to my sister but have since grown apart because of the financial abuse...I've had to make a decision - my sister or my husband)

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

Erica1 — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 23:26:29 GMT

So sorry about your situation. If it's coming down to her or your husband, at least you already know what you have to do, although I'm sure it is hard. The things she "needs" you to help her with are not necessities, they are extras, which hopefully makes your decision easier. She can get a prepaid phone and take the bus (the car she burned you on before). It's not like you're pushing her out to live into the street by not helping her with these things.

I really feel for your situation but if you're at all on the fence about suing her I would wait to take any action until you're absolutely sure. Not my place to give advice as only you know your entire situation, but filing suit against your sister could cause rifts between more of your family than just you and your sister, i.e. other siblings, parents, etc. I'm sure you've already taken all this into account as you've dealt with it for years.

Good luck with your situation. :(

Re: Not a spouse story....but family instead

FrugalRican — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 01:58:19 GMT

You need to make a choice at this point, but the alternatives are pretty clear cut.

Do you really want to engage in small claims court?

Does it have to be right now?

Yes, she is your sister, but sometimes "she is family" is also the worst excuse for enabling terrible behavior.

You seem to have the benefit of time on your side, plus you are armed with the knowledge of what to expect from her from now on. Use this to your advantage.