topic Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports in Credit Cards

Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

haulingthescoreup — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 17:00:50 GMT

From 5/1/2007 (this is the full text, despite the ellipses at the end):

TheNewWorldMan wrote:

Remember that credit bureaus use different methods to receive and process good versus bad credit information.

Information that would negatively affect your credit rating--like a late pay or charge-off--is instantly beamed from the creditor to the agency via Department of Defense 256-megabit fiber optic lines and written to their servers in 8.6 milliseconds.

Information that would positively affect your credit rating is scribed onto scrolls in special ink by Gregorian monks, which are then painstakingly illuminated. The Credit Scrolls are then placed onto camel caravans which wind their way to the credit bureau headquarters by way of Marrakesh, Dubai, and Tripoli. Once the caravan reaches Equifax, Experian or TransUnion, the scrolls are then laid out in the sun for a week so that the special ink can be read. (Note that the weather around the credit bureau headquarters is notoriously gloomy, like FICO itself, so finding seven consecutive days of sunshine can be quite an ordeal in and of itself.) Only then can the information finally be encoded into your credit files...

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

crunching_numbers — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 17:10:20 GMT

LOL! It sure does seem to take forever to see that payment applied. I am waiting now for 2 weeks for EX to remove me as an AU from 2 of DH's cards. TU and EQ were able to do it within a few days. Here I await EX...and wait... and wait.... The ink must not be dry, or maybe there was a camel traffic jam around Dubai....

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

IOBA — Sat, 07 Apr 2012 18:13:05 GMT

haulingthescoreup - love it! Thanks for the chuckle. :)

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

golo — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 19:39:39 GMT

Hahahaha, that just made my day,Thanks! :smileyvery-happy:

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

haulingthescoreup — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 03:43:05 GMT

Now that I think about it, I'm going to move this over to Credit Cards. Too many serious folks on Understanding, and it's CC where all the stressin' foks are. ;)

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

ctb89 — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 04:00:57 GMT

You know you're a nerd when you read that and think "The DoD definitely has 10Gig-E fiber..."

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

haulingthescoreup — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 04:10:22 GMT

ctb89 wrote:
You know you're a nerd when you read that and think "The DoD definitely has 10Gig-E fiber..."

Well, it was from 2007... :D

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

tonyaether — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 04:12:50 GMT

HAHA! Love it!

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

ctb89 — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 04:14:44 GMT

haulingthescoreup wrote:
ctb89 wrote:
You know you're a nerd when you read that and think "The DoD definitely has 10Gig-E fiber..."
Well, it was from 2007... :D

Yeah I was thinking in 2007 terms. Now they are probably using 40Gig-E for their primary backbones.

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

Juan123 — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:37:35 GMT

Great laugh.

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

ShallRecoverIt — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:47:54 GMT

Ahh yes, how true.

This is also the case when it comes to a company charging you money versus refunding money back to you. :smileywink:

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

Learning_Tee0225 — Wed, 02 May 2012 16:37:30 GMT

haulingthescoreup - beyond funny and so true!

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

FairCredBen — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 15:03:00 GMT

HAHAHAHAHAH

ctb89 wrote:
You know you're a nerd when you read that and think "The DoD definitely has 10Gig-E fiber..."

HAHAHAHAHAHA i totaly thought the same thing.... I said to myself "That really isnt that fast, i can assure you the DoD has at LEASE 100Gb Optical connection if not 1Tb (1 Terabit) Fiber connections lol......."

then i read your post and it made me chuckle again!

I work for one of the top 5 comp companies lol ... and well yeah ... i r teh smerts bout compoopers

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

tinuviel — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 15:10:18 GMT

FairCredBen wrote:
HAHAHAHAHAH
ctb89 wrote:
You know you're a nerd when you read that and think "The DoD definitely has 10Gig-E fiber..."
HAHAHAHAHAHA i totaly thought the same thing.... I said to myself "That really isnt that fast, i can assure you the DoD has at LEASE 100Gb Optical connection if not 1Tb (1 Terabit) Fiber connections lol......."

then i read your post and it made me chuckle again!

I work for one of the top 5 comp companies lol ... and well yeah ... i r teh smerts bout compoopers

That, of course, was the point -- part of the humor of the post. But I agree that it would take a geek to catch it! Gotta love inside jokes. ;)

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

FairCredBen — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 15:11:38 GMT

well point was that 256 megabits is SLOWWWWWWWWW

and i thought to myself, how could it write so fast on such a slow connection, then i finished reading and laughed ....

me = fail :P

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

tinuviel — Thu, 05 Jul 2012 15:20:13 GMT

FairCredBen wrote:
well point was that 256 megabits is SLOWWWWWWWWW

and i thought to myself, how could it write so fast on such a slow connection, then i finished reading and laughed ....

me = fail :P

Yeah, we're both basically saying the same thing. :)

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

TCGT — Sun, 29 Jul 2012 19:50:45 GMT

Very true.

I paid off my Capital One credit card online on the 13th of July my billing cycle ends on the 22nd....I looking to make a major purchase and I have become frustrated that its taking so long to update. Generally Cap 1 info is on my TU CR buy the 26th of the month at the latest!

TCGT

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

Uborrow-Upay — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 02:57:05 GMT

haulingthescoreup wrote:
From 5/1/2007 (this is the full text, despite the ellipses at the end):

TheNewWorldMan wrote:

Remember that credit bureaus use different methods to receive and process good versus bad credit information.

Information that would negatively affect your credit rating--like a late pay or charge-off--is instantly beamed from the creditor to the agency via Department of Defense 256-megabit fiber optic lines and written to their servers in 8.6 milliseconds.

Information that would positively affect your credit rating is scribed onto scrolls in special ink by Gregorian monks, which are then painstakingly illuminated. The Credit Scrolls are then placed onto camel caravans which wind their way to the credit bureau headquarters by way of Marrakesh, Dubai, and Tripoli. Once the caravan reaches Equifax, Experian or TransUnion, the scrolls are then laid out in the sun for a week so that the special ink can be read. (Note that the weather around the credit bureau headquarters is notoriously gloomy, like FICO itself, so finding seven consecutive days of sunshine can be quite an ordeal in and of itself.) Only then can the information finally be encoded into your credit files...

I miss you, hauling!

(Sniffle)

:smileysad:

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

RonDawg — Sun, 04 Nov 2012 17:51:32 GMT

So true I have one account I closed back in Feb of this year and the creditor has yet to report it has closed. The last update was in December of 2011. Another Creditor has been reporting a closed account since 1997 and that account was closed with a 0 balance and in good standing. Sometimes I just don't get the logic that these banks use.

At anyrate its not hurting me so I suppose it does not really matter.

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

rjohson — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 08:16:01 GMT

thay was funny i almost believed it