New Here-Chap 7 Filed-Looking for Guidance

[Anonymous]

In 2012-2013 I went through a horrific Divorce to an emotionally and financially abusive spouse. To say my credit was destroyed would be an understatement. One of my only blessings in this situation is that we weren't married long and he isn't the biological father of my children (I was widowed as a young woman). In order to protect my children and I, I moved us 3k miles away. I confess, during this period of time my credit rating was not high on my list of priorities: keeping my children and I safe, housed, clothed and fed + make my way in a new professional field was more important. Three years have passed, and the realization that my oldest will be going to college in a few years was a huge wake up call and I needed to focus my efforts on my financial health once more. I am a good saver but there was no way with three minor children I could dig my way out of debt. Making the decision to file for bankruptcy was one of the hardest things I've done: heretofore I never committed to financial obligations I didn't fulfill but with 50k in unsecured debt, a repo'd car, collections accounts, medical bills from when I had no insurance was just too much. My ex husband was a narcissist who thought nothing of taking my credit cards, using them and hiding the bills. By the time I found out my good name was damaged beyond repair.

Prior to 2012/2013 my credit score was in the 780s. I was a homeowner, with appropriate utilization for my income and a responsible financial life; now 486EQ / 499TU / 519EX. I don't have a ChexSystems record as my bank accounts were the one thing my ex didn't have the stones to mess with with.

My question to you good folks is will it get better? Will I be able to rebuild from here? My 341 meeting is in early Jul; when will this be over? I feel as though, despite any accomplishments I've had, like I can't hold my head up in polite society.

[Anonymous]

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@Anonymous wrote:
In 2012-2013 I went through a horrific Divorce to an emotionally and financially abusive spouse. To say my credit was destroyed would be an understatement. One of my only blessings in this situation is that we weren't married long and he isn't the biological father of my children (I was widowed as a young woman). In order to protect my children and I, I moved us 3k miles away. I confess, during this period of time my credit rating was not high on my list of priorities: keeping my children and I safe, housed, clothed and fed + make my way in a new professional field was more important. Three years have passed, and the realization that my oldest will be going to college in a few years was a huge wake up call and I needed to focus my efforts on my financial health once more. I am a good saver but there was no way with three minor children I could dig my way out of debt. Making the decision to file for bankruptcy was one of the hardest things I've done: heretofore I never committed to financial obligations I didn't fulfill but with 50k in unsecured debt, a repo'd car, collections accounts, medical bills from when I had no insurance was just too much. My ex husband was a narcissist who thought nothing of taking my credit cards, using them and hiding the bills. By the time I found out my good name was damaged beyond repair.

Prior to 2012/2013 my credit score was in the 780s. I was a homeowner, with appropriate utilization for my income and a responsible financial life; now 486EQ / 499TU / 519EX. I don't have a ChexSystems record as my bank accounts were the one thing my ex didn't have the stones to mess with with.

My question to you good folks is will it get better? Will I be able to rebuild from here? My 341 meeting is in early Jul; when will this be over? I feel as though, despite any accomplishments I've had, like I can't hold my head up in polite society.

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Congratz on Filing, it is decisive and provides direction

Does it get better? Absolutely. Being brutally honest, it does take time, and it only passes a full day at a time. My choice is to keep myself occupied and busy in a positive manner focused on activities which impact myself. It is a point of self-care and self-healing. Establishing new credit and utilizing it prudently to rebuild your credit file is within your reach based upon how you described your character and person.

There is a thread in this section, listed below. It provides information and one perspective of how one can move forward. I say one perspective because We are all different with unique circumstances and needs.

HOW TO: From BK7 discharge to 700 in 24 months or less! by SoulMaster

http://ficoforums.myfico.com/t5/Bankruptcy/HOW-TO-From-BK7-discharge-to-700-in-24-months-or-less/td-p/1384075

Secondly, you will become exposed to a new language and vocabulary. Initially I constantly referenced my list of common abbreviations (included on this forum) to understand what comments and sentences actually meant when people posted them.

Based upon your existing relationships with banks and credit unions, you will eventually determine which credit vendors you want to work with going forward. They may be the same or different depending upon who you can gain access to, and what credit products are available to you. You will also begin reviewing your credit reports provided by the three vendors to ensure that they reflect accurate data, and if not take action to get it corrected, so that there are not legitimate reasons for the vendor to use to deny credit.

I believe you are in a good place here to learn more and get information on what choices you want to make for your benefit, and ultimately when to make them.

* Stigma, since 2008, BK has happened to many. Prior to it happening to myself recently, I was very aware of its occurrence, and how it was rarely if ever discussed by people in society.  I have looked upon it as the vast amount of portion of the Iceberg below the surface of the water.  It is there, it is unseen, and you would be very surprised at how many people in "polite society" have participated in this process.  You are one of many, and it cuts across all aspects of society and demographics.

Best wishes.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your kind words; it's interesting that you mention which relationships I want to keep and which I should just let go: BoA and Citi are lost causes for the foreseeable future, as is Synchrony. But I spoke with NFCU today and I am still a member, but I owe them money, not a tremendous amount (under $1k ) but nevertheless, I am indebted to them. I explained that I filed for Chap 7 and they are included in the filing but I would like to resume our relationship at some point. They said I needed to make them whole. I said I would need to speak to my attorney before commiting to anything to ensure I was acting correctly. I'm a little nervous about my 341 meeting. It's frightening to think that your whole financial past is now being scrutinized and what can I say other than I married wrong and now can't move forward until this is resolved? I have poor judgement? I feel terribly about all of this..,

I'm ashamed that I have this feeling of relief because I'm burning so many bridges. Stupid of me I know and I'll get over it but still. It stinks.

Thank you for guiding me towards the 700 in two years thread. I like the idea of having a plan; it aligns with my values of creating a plan, sticking with it, and meeting goals!

[Anonymous]

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@Anonymous wrote:
Thank you for your kind words; it's interesting that you mention which relationships I want to keep and which I should just let go: BoA and Citi are lost causes for the foreseeable future, as is Synchrony. But I spoke with NFCU today and I am still a member, but I owe them money, not a tremendous amount (under $1k ) but nevertheless, I am indebted to them. I explained that I filed for Chap 7 and they are included in the filing but I would like to resume our relationship at some point. They said I needed to make them whole. I said I would need to speak to my attorney before commiting to anything to ensure I was acting correctly. I'm a little nervous about my 341 meeting. It's frightening to think that your whole financial past is now being scrutinized and what can I say other than I married wrong and now can't move forward until this is resolved? I have poor judgement? I feel terribly about all of this..,

I'm ashamed that I have this feeling of relief because I'm burning so many bridges. Stupid of me I know and I'll get over it but still. It stinks.

Thank you for guiding me towards the 700 in two years thread. I like the idea of having a plan; it aligns with my values of creating a plan, sticking with it, and meeting goals!

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Creating a plan. Consider that will you gather information, construct it and envision it as a fluid plan, not set in concrete.

As your process unfolds, you will probably have to juggle or rearrange your choices of plan and timeline based upon what happens. A great plan is wonderful, but usually gets upended at some point by reality and other factors.

Here is another thread which can expand your information and perspective.

Bankruptcy Friendly Credit Cards Pt.2 by Scupra

http://ficoforums.myfico.com/t5/Bankruptcy/Bankruptcy-Friendly-Credit-Cards-Pt-2/td-p/3999737

Based upon your comments, it appears you have thought about the responses and opinions others can have of you. The upside is that you have already though about it.

I bring this up because I did the same. What shocked me was that I didn't also consider who could make these comments. So I kind of felt Sucker Punched, when I met with the Trustee and my attorney, had already been sworn into testify, had a microphone in front of me, and I was answering basic questions. Because, out of left field, the Trustee asks me directly "if I had thought about getting a better paying job?" . . . SLAM . . . keep in mind, I am sworn in, miked up, in an administrative court room with other attorneys and their clients present, and I thought this was a relatively safe and straight forward place. Fortunately I handle crisis and pressure well, so maintaining my poise was within my control, so I simply answered with a solid "Yes".

So I would recommend just answering the questions simply and honestly, and if you need to reply that you "married the wrong man", state it, because it is your truth. But just leave it at that because you are not there to defend your entire life. Hope that helps.

Again, this process is choices during the day, each day, over a period of time. You will see that you progress from considering BK, filing it, going thru the admin steps, to Discharge, then rebuilding post-Discharge. Each section requires time for others to complete and execute their actions before you can take the next step. I say this having recently experienced each of these. I am waiting on my first cc to arrive tomorrow. With that, I can move towards my next choice.

Keep the Faith in yourself !