Dear American Express,
Thank you for your recent letter informing me that you are rate jacking my account to 17.24% variable. This letter is to inform you of changes that I will make in my relationship with you.
1. Effective immediately, I will never carry a balance with you for anything.
2. I will carefully preserve your card in my sock drawer nestled with my white running socks.
3. On July 3rd I will charge $7.00 worth of fireworks to celebrate my limited relationship with you and on December 23 a bottle of Champagne will be charged just to see if you really are paranoid.
I appreciate your last sentiment in your letter "Thank you for being a Cardmember. We look forward to continuing to serve you" I too look forward to being served by you.
Your loyal cardmember since 1995,
Gomer
