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Valued Member
jkfaria
Posts: 44
Registered: ‎05-12-2008
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Re: CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

score_building
Super Contributor
Posts: 1793
Registered: 01-10-2008


score_building 

Message 37 of 40

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writemikep wrote:
Ugh, there's one poster who constantly lectures, belittles and makes snarky comments.  Even their signature is preachy....
reminds me of a certain self annointed 'fico royal' who likes to put people down who have a different approach to credit than they do but doesn't appear to be particularly well versed outside a narrow hypercritical perspective, so little value added to the mix besides lecturing and taking pot shots.
 

 

11/09 TU 703 EQ 721
 

score_building wrote:

writemikep wrote:
Ugh, there's one poster who constantly lectures, belittles and makes snarky comments.  Even their signature is preachy....
reminds me of a certain self annointed 'fico royal' who likes to put people down who have a different approach to credit than they do but doesn't appear to be particularly well versed outside a narrow hypercritical perspective, so little value added to the mix besides lecturing and taking pot shots.

+ 1

 

It just ain't the same as when I first joined......

EQ Fico - 677 CCT - 712
TU Fico - 692 CCT - 665
EX Fico - ??? CCT - 698
Valued Contributor
wmarat
Posts: 1,754
Registered: ‎11-03-2007
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Re: CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

Guys, I do not know who or what you are talking about, but myfico is most peaceful and polite forum I have ever seen.
IN VINO VERITAS.
Moderator Emeritus
MarineVietVet
Posts: 14,084
Registered: ‎07-14-2009
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Re: CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?


wmarat wrote:
Guys, I do not know who or what you are talking about, but myfico is most peaceful and polite forum I have ever seen.

There will always be a few trolls on every board (as in life) but I have to agree with wmarat. I regularly visit about a dozen financial forums and this is by far the best one. We all need to be careful how we say things. Sometimes what I mean to say somehow changes from the time it leaves my brain till it shows up online.  :smileyhappy:

Super Contributor
marty56
Posts: 5,679
Registered: ‎10-06-2007
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Re: CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

It is one thing if a person posts about through not fault of their own, they wind up with a lot of medical debt or a victim of ID teft.  It is quite another thing if a person posts something and blames everyone but themselves for their problems.  Fair game I say.  I recently responded to a post about FICO score taking income into play which some could interpit as being snarky.  Their post blamed FICO for their effective cosgin of business loans that went south.

  

This is a free forum and ideas should be exchanged in a free manor.  Yes people should try to leave their attitudes and treating victims mean at the door here but people should also leave their PCness at the door as well.  Remember one person snarky is another's tough love.

 

LOL I  like reading spirited thread and I know I'm not the only one here.

 

09/12/2013 FICO: EQ: 772 EX:813 TU:752
Senior Contributor
score_building
Posts: 3,530
Registered: ‎01-10-2008
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Re: CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

[ Edited ]

marty56 wrote:

It is one thing if a person posts about through not fault of their own, they wind up with a lot of medical debt or a victim of ID teft.  It is quite another thing if a person posts something and blames everyone but themselves for their problems.  Fair game I say.  I recently responded to a post about FICO score taking income into play which some could interpit as being snarky.  Their post blamed FICO for their effective cosgin of business loans that went south.

  

This is a free forum and ideas should be exchanged in a free manor.  Yes people should try to leave their attitudes and treating victims mean at the door here but people should also leave their PCness at the door as well.  Remember one person snarky is another's tough love.

 

LOL I  like reading spirited thread and I know I'm not the only one here.

 


your posts clearly reflect that you know the difference between tough love (very necesssary at times) and just thumbing your nose without having the requisite background info on what transpired to evaluate the situation effectively. 
Message Edited by score_building on 11-08-2009 04:50 AM
FICOS:
06/13 EX 765 (PSECU) EQ 771 (DCU) TU 779 (Barclays)
Regular Contributor
Nonaii
Posts: 246
Registered: ‎06-02-2008
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Re: CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

You're engaging in

...tough love:  when the mods like you

...nose thumbing:  when the mods don't like you

 

 

....tough love:  when you're a popular poster

...nose thumbing: when you're an unknown poster/unpopular poster/newbie

 

 

that's human nature.

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Epic Contributor
haulingthescoreup
Posts: 28,115
Registered: ‎04-01-2007
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Re: CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?


Nonaii wrote:

You're engaging in

...tough love: when the mods like you

...nose thumbing: when the mods don't like you

....tough love: when you're a popular poster

...nose thumbing: when you're an unknown poster/unpopular poster/newbie

that's human nature.



mmmm... not really.

For one thing, a poster gets "unpopular" when s/he continually annoys the fire out of other members, not the mods. Please realize that the "report abuse to a moderator" button gets used quite a bit, and when we keep getting abuse reports on the same person, over and over and over, from a variety of different members, it's a sign that this person is regarded as obnoxious, and therefore unpopular.

The main difference between tough love and nose-thumbing posts is the attitude conveyed along with the advice. When the attitude is perceived to be condescending, dismissive, sarcastic, excessively critical, and so forth, it drowns out the good advice. We have plenty of members here who get pretty blunt, especially after the third or fourth reply, but the perception is that there is some care and concern behind that bluntness. When good advice is surrounded by what feels like hostility, the advice is lost --only the hostility comes through. That often provokes a hostile reply in self-defence, and then we're off and running.

And another thing that tempers the bluntness is when tough-love members don't pretend to be perfect, either now or in the past. Humility goes a long way in making people receptive to advice!

One thing that often happens with some newbies is that they have been active on other boards where there's a lot more snarkiness. They think that's the norm for all forums, and they are quite startled when they post here a few times and find that Triumph the Insult Dog is not the forums mascot.

Our forums members include men and women, young, middle-aged, and old, multiple races and ethnicities and religions and political viewpoints, those born in the US, immigrants, US citizens living abroad, and a few non-US citizens living in other countries, often getting ready to move here. There are also those who have recently come through or are currently mired in overwhelming debt, medical crises, and personal disasters who are now a bit thin-skinned, and understandably so. It's easy to inadvertently step on toes with this diverse of a group. But I'll bet you a nickel that the few members who continually irritate others here are considered irritating by their co-workers and families and friends, as well.

There are a couple of members here who bug the heck out of me, but hey, that's fine, they consistently give good advice and are regarded as assets by other members. It's just a personality clash. And I'm sure that there are those who are irritated by me beyond measure. As you say, that's human nature.

When a member's posting gets bad enough, they wind up leaving the forums. Sometimes just for a short while, in order to let them decide if they can be a bit more temperate when they're here. More often, it's for good. But even them, we sometimes see them come back under new user names, giving it another whack. And hey, that's fine! If they can be more helpful second time around, that's great. We have one member now who's on the third or fourth incarnation, I've lost track. :smileyvery-happy:
* Credit is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. * Who's the boss --you or your credit?
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007
Senior Contributor
txjohn
Posts: 4,214
Registered: ‎09-12-2008
0

Re: CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

[ Edited ]

marty56 wrote:

It is one thing if a person posts about through not fault of their own, they wind up with a lot of medical debt or a victim of ID teft.  It is quite another thing if a person posts something and blames everyone but themselves for their problems.  Fair game I say.  I recently responded to a post about FICO score taking income into play which some could interpit as being snarky.  Their post blamed FICO for their effective cosgin of business loans that went south.

  

This is a free forum and ideas should be exchanged in a free manor.  Yes people should try to leave their attitudes and treating victims mean at the door here but people should also leave their PCness at the door as well.  Remember one person snarky is another's tough love.

 

LOL I  like reading spirited thread and I know I'm not the only one here.

 


 

Marty -

 

I respectfully disagree with you.  "Love" and "snarky" are elements of emotional opinion, not informational opinion.  Why do you need to love or hate a post or poster?  Fault, blame, etc. all are "judgements" not of data efficacy, but of personal feelings not related to data and information, but how you "feel" about it.

 

The problem or challenge I see when you introduce the emotional side of opinion is that the information becomes obscured or even completely lost.  This is not about "PCness" to me, but about data.  Data should be pristine, relative and relevant.

 

Whether I like you or dislike you, like your score, like your methods really isn't relevant IMO (again IMO).  It is for this reason I have suggested no PCness, but objectiveness.  Subjectiveness will get you very little.  Objectiveness will get you viable information and participation.  Subjectiveness will discourage participation.  Objectiveness will provide a greater "knowledge" base.  Subjectiveness will muddle the information and make it more difficulat to sort and grade.

 

There are two parts to opinion.  Your position (informationally) and how you "feel" about your position.  Feelings have limited value when seeking objective data.  Sure we can cheerlead for motivation.  And we can jeer in order to shout down or attempt to cut off another opinion, post or position.  But both of those areas provide ZERO real information or data.

 

So, why put this in the format of PC.  How you feel is irrelevant.  If you don't feel inclined to participate or feel inclined to participate is the only aspect where it indirectly provides relevent information if that "motivation" provides data or curbs data (by not participating).

 

Anyway, that's my $0.02 on the subject. 

 

Have a good 'un :smileyhappy:

 

 

Message Edited by txjohn on 11-08-2009 09:01 AM

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Senior Contributor
laz98
Posts: 4,295
Registered: ‎09-06-2008
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Re: CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

i think judgments should be kept quiet.  people come here for advice, not lectures.  everyone has their "good" or "bad" reasons why they got into the mess they're in; i don't think it's my place to tell them they screwed up.  chances are, their family & friends are already doing that, which is why they are asking for help here & not there.  like someone else already said:  if you don't have anything nice (or helpful) to say, don't say anything at all.
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Super Contributor
marty56
Posts: 5,679
Registered: ‎10-06-2007
0

Re: CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

[ Edited ]

haulingthescoreup wrote:
But I'll bet you a nickel that the few members who continually irritate others here are considered irritating by their co-workers and families and friends, as well.

I cant speak form others but I can say that for myself, I treat people at work very diffrently from the way I treat family and friends in certian situations.  Many times we are forced into relationships at work which we would never consider on the outside and to work with people you wouldnt give the time of day to outside of work.

 

On being PC, my reference was in the way I respond to a poster's situation is skewed by the way they present the situation.  Perhaps it is better to be the better person or to not respond at all but sometimes we must remain true to our nature.

Message Edited by marty56 on 11-08-2009 12:38 PM
09/12/2013 FICO: EQ: 772 EX:813 TU:752

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