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Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

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haulingthescoreup
Moderator Emerita

Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

From 5/1/2007 (this is the full text, despite the ellipses at the end):

 

 

TheNewWorldMan wrote:


Remember that credit bureaus use different methods to receive and process good versus bad credit information.

Information that would negatively affect your credit rating--like a late pay or charge-off--is instantly beamed from the creditor to the agency via Department of Defense 256-megabit fiber optic lines and written to their servers in 8.6 milliseconds.

Information that would positively affect your credit rating is scribed onto scrolls in special ink by Gregorian monks, which are then painstakingly illuminated. The Credit Scrolls are then placed onto camel caravans which wind their way to the credit bureau headquarters by way of Marrakesh, Dubai, and Tripoli. Once the caravan reaches Equifax, Experian or TransUnion, the scrolls are then laid out in the sun for a week so that the special ink can be read. (Note that the weather around the credit bureau headquarters is notoriously gloomy, like FICO itself, so finding seven consecutive days of sunshine can be quite an ordeal in and of itself.) Only then can the information finally be encoded into your credit files...

* Credit is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. * Who's the boss --you or your credit?
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007
Message 1 of 23
22 REPLIES 22
crunching_numbers
Valued Contributor

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

LOL! It sure does seem to take forever to see that payment applied. I am waiting now for 2 weeks for EX to remove me as an AU from 2 of DH's cards. TU and EQ were able to do it within a few days. Here I await EX...and wait...  and wait....   The ink must not be dry, or maybe there was a camel traffic jam around Dubai....


Starting Score: 693 TU FICO, 679 EQ FICO
Current Score: FICO 8 = 844(9/15) EQ, 827 TU, 811 EX (7/15); mortgage FICO= 758 (9/15)EQ5, 797 TU4, 748 EX2 (7/15)
Goal Score: 750+, but shooting for the 800's
Hyatt Visa Sig ($23K), Amex BCP (24.8K), BofA Travel Rew Sig (22.5K), B&N World MC (22.3K), Amex RP Gold (NPSL w/ S&T), Cash+ Sig (20K),United Mil+ExpSig (16.3K), FNBO Visa (13.1K), Hilton Surpass (10K), Freedom Visa Sig (8.6K), Disc It (16.4K), Citi Dia Pref MC (3.7K),Sam's MC (10K), Wally (7.5K), JCP(5.3K), Costco (2K)
Message 2 of 23
IOBA
Senior Contributor

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

haulingthescoreup - love it!  Thanks for the chuckle.  Smiley Happy

Message 3 of 23
golo
Frequent Contributor

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

Hahahaha, that just made my day,Thanks! Smiley Very Happy

Message 4 of 23
haulingthescoreup
Moderator Emerita

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

Now that I think about it, I'm going to move this over to Credit Cards. Too many serious folks on Understanding, and it's CC where all the stressin' foks are. Smiley Wink

* Credit is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. * Who's the boss --you or your credit?
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007
Message 5 of 23
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

You know you're a nerd when you read that and think "The DoD definitely has 10Gig-E fiber..."

Message 6 of 23
haulingthescoreup
Moderator Emerita

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports


@Anonymous wrote:

You know you're a nerd when you read that and think "The DoD definitely has 10Gig-E fiber..."


Well, it was from 2007... Smiley Very Happy

* Credit is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. * Who's the boss --you or your credit?
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007
Message 7 of 23
Tonya-E
Established Contributor

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

HAHA!  Love it!

Wallet: Amex BCP-45k| Barclays Rewards MC-26.3k| Citi Thank You Preferred-27.5k| Citi Double Cash-14k| Target MC-11.5k| Walmart MC-7.5k| Chase Freedom Unlimited Signature-6k


Take the myFICO Fitness Challenge
Message 8 of 23
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports


@haulingthescoreup wrote:

@Anonymous wrote:

You know you're a nerd when you read that and think "The DoD definitely has 10Gig-E fiber..."


Well, it was from 2007... Smiley Very Happy


Yeah I was thinking in 2007 terms. Now they are probably using 40Gig-E for their primary backbones.

Message 9 of 23
Juan123
Established Contributor

Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

Great laugh.


Starting Score: 575 (As Of Early 2011)
Current Score: TU: 767 EQ: 732 EX; 742 (As Of Feb 2012)
Goal Score: 750


Take the FICO Fitness Challenge

Long way to go ^_^
Message 10 of 23
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