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Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

From 5/1/2007 (this is the full text, despite the ellipses at the end):

 

 

TheNewWorldMan wrote:


Remember that credit bureaus use different methods to receive and process good versus bad credit information.

Information that would negatively affect your credit rating--like a late pay or charge-off--is instantly beamed from the creditor to the agency via Department of Defense 256-megabit fiber optic lines and written to their servers in 8.6 milliseconds.

Information that would positively affect your credit rating is scribed onto scrolls in special ink by Gregorian monks, which are then painstakingly illuminated. The Credit Scrolls are then placed onto camel caravans which wind their way to the credit bureau headquarters by way of Marrakesh, Dubai, and Tripoli. Once the caravan reaches Equifax, Experian or TransUnion, the scrolls are then laid out in the sun for a week so that the special ink can be read. (Note that the weather around the credit bureau headquarters is notoriously gloomy, like FICO itself, so finding seven consecutive days of sunshine can be quite an ordeal in and of itself.) Only then can the information finally be encoded into your credit files...

* Credit is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. * Who's the boss --you or your credit?
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007
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Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

LOL! It sure does seem to take forever to see that payment applied. I am waiting now for 2 weeks for EX to remove me as an AU from 2 of DH's cards. TU and EQ were able to do it within a few days. Here I await EX...and wait...  and wait....   The ink must not be dry, or maybe there was a camel traffic jam around Dubai....


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Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

haulingthescoreup - love it!  Thanks for the chuckle.  Smiley Happy

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Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

Hahahaha, that just made my day,Thanks! Smiley Very Happy

Read and read...and then....read some more....


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Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

[ Edited ]

Now that I think about it, I'm going to move this over to Credit Cards. Too many serious folks on Understanding, and it's CC where all the stressin' foks are. Smiley Wink

* Credit is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. * Who's the boss --you or your credit?
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007
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Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

You know you're a nerd when you read that and think "The DoD definitely has 10Gig-E fiber..."

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Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports


ctb89 wrote:

You know you're a nerd when you read that and think "The DoD definitely has 10Gig-E fiber..."


Well, it was from 2007... Smiley Very Happy

* Credit is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. * Who's the boss --you or your credit?
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007
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Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

HAHA!  Love it!

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Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports


haulingthescoreup wrote:

ctb89 wrote:

You know you're a nerd when you read that and think "The DoD definitely has 10Gig-E fiber..."


Well, it was from 2007... Smiley Very Happy


Yeah I was thinking in 2007 terms. Now they are probably using 40Gig-E for their primary backbones.

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Re: Classic TheNewWorldMan: How the credit bureaus update your reports

Great laugh.


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