Love the sarcasm - well done! 
And yes, keep up updated with with their response.
Nice.
I sent a similar letter less the sarcasm. I got approved. But if you had no intention of being reconned, then it worked nicely. LOL.
You should include copies of your reports for them to browse through as well. I did that too.
Start (Sept 2011): low-mid 600s. NOW: TU FICO: 801, EQ FICO 808, EX FICO 798 (PSECU). Goal: Achieved! Now Maintain!
I haven't sent it yet. More of a trial balloon.
In fact, I saw another thread under mine about a CAPONE backdoor number a few minutes ago, so I called it. They're gonna do a manual review. If it doesn't work after that, then it's bombs away.
To answer a couple of comments, I only have three hard pulls on my credit report, and yes, it's a bit long, but they shouldn't have made up so many reasons why they denied me!
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Waste of time. Manual reviews are worthless. I supposedly got one and never did. They even told me a letter was sent....TWICE....to explain why I was further denied on manual review. I never got one. I sent my recon pack (without the sarcasm) and I was approved....albeit with another round of inquiries that I am fighting.
If anything, my file is thin (two open tradelines, five closed accounts, all paid satisfactorily, total CL of 10k). I went for awhile without credit with my head in the sand, then cleaned everything up (two chargeoff PFDs, three medical collections, one DirecTV collection, paid tax lien all removed from my CR)
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We have very similar stories....and scores. I was in the same position and went on a rampage that shot my scores up 110-140 points in about 6 months. My file wasn't that thin....though it's a little thinner now after scouring it free of filth for a months.
But in all seriousness, I've been down this road with Cap1. If you want the card, do as I did. It should work. Just warn them not to HP again. I didn't say anything about that (because I didn't think they could on a recon without my permission but I guess they can) and I got a second tri-pull which I am fighting as we speak.
I was very upfront about no more hard pulls and the representative (a very nice woman) was cool about it and assured me that that wouldn't be the case, and that real, live humans would be taking a look at my credit reports with real, actual eyes (not algorithms!) and getting back to me.
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They're lying about the manual review. I doubt anything will happen. I got the impression that a manual review was simply that someone you have no access to simply reviews the reasons for denial spit out by the master computer and checks for grammar.