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I've been highly distracted but I had to pop back in to say, just wow - So much good and helpful information. I really want to thank all of you, in particular those who took the time to read the OP and give such thoughtful, cerebral advice - that is appreciated more than you know. I'm not going to name any particulars because I don't want to leave anyone out accidentally. This post was tremendously helpful not only to me but I'm sure many future lurkers. Lots of empowering info in one place.
THANK YOU!
DW and myself many years ago were victims of a large million dollar plus id scam pulled by a relative. Because of the dollar amount we were involved during the entire process. We asked the DA to let them have extended community service and no jail time. They did this because of the children. Otherwise we would have ended up with their kids while they were in jail. Most of the damage we got undone with limited effort as we could show we out of the country however a few required a police report and actually fought us. In our case the relative refinanced properties with cash out, sold properties, sold our cars, house and even sold our business and closed our bank accounts. This is the same persons I have posted about who last year filed a fake tax return using our info to create a tax lien. I posted about this. I feel for you . Good luck