I too filed ch-13 BK in 09/2000. It was discharged five years later paid to the areement. About my fourth year, I was just tired of it and wanted to just pay it off and be done with it. My lawey, and the trustee said no because I would have to go before the judge to get it approved. They said the Judge would consider that if you had that kinf of money $3500/$4000 to pay then you could afford to pay a larger payment each month. If you have a wage increase or decrease money coming it, you are suppose to report it so your payments can be adjusted. My payments started out at a higher amount than I could afford each month, I was really struggling to make it, but it was impossible, so a family member helped me until I could get a new court date set to go back and request my payments to be reduced. The judge dropped my payment by $100.00 each month for about six months until my disability started paying me. I had to go back before the judge to report the income and my payment jumped up like $200.00 more each month. Little did I know that in the end of my BK I had to pay back the six months where my payment was lowered. That was a shocker for me-but it was only $600.00.
I am ok with it now, but like others. I felt unworthy, dirty, quility, embarrassed. You name it and I felt it, plus the fact that I was tramutized from the ordeal of getting hurt on my job, and having to go on disability. I lost my home becasue it couldn't be added in the BK because it could't be paid off in the five year time frame. My heart was filled with so much hate and anger, my self esteem hit rock bottom. So much stress...dealing with my injury and pain, the loss of my job, no income, losing my home, and the embarrassment for my self respect. I was so tramatized I had to seek medical help. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat my weight dropped down so much it was unhealthy.(however I did qualfy for food stamps-so I did have food). I just couldn't eat it. I was a nervous wreck, I didn't know what tomorrow would bring.
Lucky for me I did own a smaller home out in the country, so I was not left homeless. But losing my other home...all that I had paid on it and my substanial down payment was a total loss. My laweyr did contact the creditor and told them I wanted to do a volintary reprocession which protected me from any lawsuits or sued for the difference they sold to a friend for a lower price and sue me for the difference in the balance.
As time went on, I recovered some and felt better about myself and my self esteem build back up. It really wasn't my fault. Now if I had run up a bunch of bad credit and over extened myself in debt then it would have been different. So I finally accepted the fact that it was beyond my control. Being hurt and not able to work, going on disability. It was just one of those senerio's you just have no control over it, it was an unexpected event and Bk-13 was my only alternative at the time.
So back to your feeling so badly, time does heal. Things do get better even when you think they won't. As you get further along into your bk-13 you will start getting pre-approve cc's, and other credit offers. I get at least five a week, which of course I shred. I have done a pretty good job of rebuilding my credit, and once the BK-13 drops off in Sept, and all the other creditors listed in the BR are dropped, mu credit score should really improve.
So all the lemons that I have been given over these past years-I've been making a lot of lemonade. So I suffer more now with heartburn (from the lemonade-LOL) than low self esteem and unworthiness as a human being.
There is light at the end of every tunnel. So get on with your life and don't beat yourself up lke I did.