Please Critique This GW Letter

[John060675]

Please give me your honest opinion on this GW letter to Cap 1.  I read it once, it sounds good.  Then I read it again, and it sounds sappy.

To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing to see if you would be willing to make a “goodwill” adjustment to your reporting to the three credit reporting agencies.  The account (XXXXXXXXXX) was closed in July 2003.  Since this time I have opened another account with your company, and I have been an exceptional customer paying every month on time.

I have spoken to several Capital One customers who you have extended the courtesy of removing an old account to in the past, and I hope you will share the same lenience with me as you did with them.  I only ask this favor because I was going through a traumatic period during this time (divorce) and this old account is not an accurate reflection of who I really am.  I think you will find from my history with my new account that I am a responsible and fast paying person.

I appreciate your help on this matter, and I hope you will share the same compassion with me as you have to so many other customers who made a mistake in their past.  I look forward to having a long and fruitful relationship with Capital One. 

Sounds corny to me, but it the truth.  The problem is that this account was settled for less than full balance.  I think I am grasping at straws, but I am always hopeful.  Any improvements would be appreciated!

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

I would address it to "Dear Credit Card Services Professional" or something like that other than "TWIMC" Also, I would not introduce the personal aspect of the "trauma" of divorce, but instead articulate how the divorce represented a unique obstruction for you to pay your debts at that time, because of the special, specific circumstances of lawyer fees, alimony, payment agreements, or whatever. I think what you want to convey is that you normally pay bills on time, but exigent circumstances that have since gone away kept you from doing so for that period of your life. Others on this forum may disagree, but I think that what these guys want to see is that there was a legitimate exceptional circumstance in your life at the time of late payment (that is now in the past), and that it was not a true reflection of your overall credit worthiness. I doubt they care much about personal emotional stuff. Just my take on it. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Hi Johnny, I like your letter.  I have been trying with CAP 1 for six weeks.  I had one late  (stupid mistake) and have had no luck.  I even sent it to a Vice President at the Executive offices and I still get the same speech that the credit reporting agencies are reporting my late correctly..  I will not give up but would like to know how your letter works..............good luck for all of us!........jules

[John060675]

Thank you for the feedback.  I will definitely make the changes you suggested.  I will keep everyone posted on how it goes.