cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Ethics question

tag
notfancy
Valued Contributor

Re: Ethics question


@questionaskersmith wrote:

@Revelate wrote:

Welcome to the forums!

 

I'm not an expert, but it's slighly unethical at least the part of keeping the money in the account (asset reserve) until after closing if the intention is to simply spend it anyway.

 ...

My opinion as a theoretical parent, I'm an unabashed fan of home ownership, and if I had children and one of them had this choice (assuming the student loans weren't at some absurd interest rate, which they likely aren't in this day and age) I'd allow them to buy the house instead of paying down the SL debt.  That's me personally as I think it's a better use of near-term money; however, some would likely argue differently.

 



Thank you for your reply.  The weird thing is, my stepdaughter and her husband make 6 figures between them, and could very likely qualify for the mortgage on their own (they have a great credit score because they are very responsible with paying their bills on time - yay!). I am very much in favor of them becoming homeowners, if they can afford it.  However, if they get into financial trouble (which they likely will, since my SD has a very shoddy employment record and will likely quit this job, too, as soon as she can), my husband and I will end up paying their mortgage, probably forever.  Then, in however many years when the balance on the student loans comes due, we'll have to pay that, too.  If they have to wait a couple of months to save their own down payment, I feel that's a much better way to show them the concept of work and reward.

 

However, my personal opinions on their financial future aside, I'm surprised that it doesn't trouble you more that I'm being asked to sign a testament that money was given free and clear, when it clearly wasn't.  Maybe I'm overreacting after all.


You gave them an incredibly generous gift. They make more than enough money. They are taking out this loan in their names, knowing who they are and what they can or can not afford. Make it VERY clear to them that you will NOT EVER pay their mortgage for them in any circumstance. There is no reason for you to do so. If they can not afford it, and go into foreclosure that is on them, not you. They won't be homeless. They can rent if needed. They need some tough love and a lesson in responsibility. It sounds like they are both spoiled, and taking advantage of you and your husband. They know you'll be generous, they know you won't take or ask for the money back, and they also know that when they screw up, you will bail them out again, so they have no worries, and no need to be responsible.

 

Make sure you can get your hubby on board with you.

 

If you feel that you did not give the money in a "free and clear" manner, then don't sign the document. Do what you are comfortable with and let them figure out how to manage the situation. Yes it might, and probably will cause a strain and hard feelings, but at the end of the day, they are adults. They need to show integrity, personal accountability for their actions, and some responsibility. They knew the terms when you gave them that money.

625 EQ FICO Current Score: 660 DCU EQ FICO/ 645 Scorewatch EQ FICO , EX FICO 664, TU FICO 737 (08/2014)
Goal Score: 700   Seedling again as of 07/29/14
Message 11 of 13
StartingOver10
Moderator Emerita

Re: Ethics question


@notfancy wrote:

.....

Make sure you can get your hubby on board with you.

 

If you feel that you did not give the money in a "free and clear" manner, then don't sign the document. Do what you are comfortable with and let them figure out how to manage the situation. Yes it might, and probably will cause a strain and hard feelings, but at the end of the day, they are adults. They need to show integrity, personal accountability for their actions, and some responsibility. They knew the terms when you gave them that money.


^^^Agree 100%.  Well said notfancy.

Message 12 of 13
IOBA
Senior Contributor

Re: Ethics question

Oh man.  The money is gone.  It doesn't matter what good intentions you had/have, the money is gone.  If you don't sign the form now, the the step daughter/SIL and the broker wait you out.  As soon as the money has been seasoned for 3 months+, it won't matter where it came from.

 

When you give money to someone, you have to accept that you will never see it again and that you can't control how the person spends the money.

 

As for the ethics - I am with you.  They should have used the money as it was intended.  They didn't.  Not your problem anymore.

 

I would get your husband on the same page and agree that there is no more money going to the step daughter/SIL.  Period.

 

As difficult as it was for me, I gave my son a lump sum of  money for college (he's in his second year.)  I put the strings on it that he can't loan the money to his grandparents/anyone else.  And he can't tell anyone he got the lump sum of money.  He immediately told his college mommy   (she's a very good friend to my son and has helped him out financially in the past and he goes there for the holidays) about the money.  I disagreed with this, but it was his choice.  I told him not to loan the money to anyone, but he loaned me some of the money when we needed a short time infusion.  He also bought a new computer and has talked about traveling.  Argh.  The money is for school, not to see the world!  BUT at the end of the day, I gifted him the money and it's his to do what he wants with it.

 

If you can, let it go.  And get DH on the same page - no more money, no future bail outs, etc.

 

 

Message 13 of 13
Advertiser Disclosure: The offers that appear on this site are from third party advertisers from whom FICO receives compensation.