Thank you for sharing Marlena!
Rather puts things in perspective for me; I never did watch any of those home buying shows (or much of any TV in my adult life heh). Not certain the market here is that competitive right now, wonder if there's a disconnect (sellers too high, buyers too low) or something as looking at some history some places are moving lickety split (listing date vs. sold date) and the prices are across the board more reasonable for similar places.
Guess that is the market comparison right there now that I think about it.
How common is for sale by owner? I've looked at Redfin off and on for the past couple of years and only saw the pink house listing once. I'd think it'd be more frequent in some respect.
What part of SoCal are you in rev? My roommates sister in law was in the RE biz, they never even let the house hit MLS, pocket listing. It showed up on MLS after it went under contract, you might be seeing the same thing. If you are in SD I can get you some names of agents who can prob help. They were here a couple weeks ago and she said it was becoming more and more common, keeps the riffraff from house gawking 
at places they can't afford.
@Anonymous wrote:What part of SoCal are you in rev? My roommates sister in law was in the RE biz, they never even let the house hit MLS, pocket listing. It showed up on MLS after it went under contract, you might be seeing the same thing. If you are in SD I can get you some names of agents who can prob help. They were here a couple weeks ago and she said it was becoming more and more common, keeps the riffraff from house gawking
Hrm, qualified maybe. What's the lag time in the MLS updates on a third party sight like Redfin? Would what you suggest may be happening would the listing show up under "backup offers accepted" or similar, or would it wind up being available for call it a week, when it was really under contract before the status changed?
I had never thought of that, I'm going to drift through one open house today and actually meet the Redfin realtor at the second (which is a place I actually might be interested in) and see if that process actually works or if I do need one of the more locally connected realtors as sort of can be inferred from your post. Hmm, there's got to be a place with MLS listings that I can quickly get at the realtors over time though do realtors typically do full service or do they focus on either the buying or selling side of the transaction, "specialized" if you will?
I'm in LA, if the Redfin experiment doesn't work, guess I can ask one of the LO's as I'm sure they're not above kicking service to someone they like working with... which in their line of work, usually means they get deals done for the LO presumably which isn't a bad symbiotic arrangement to take advantage of in some respects if you're happy with the rate from said LO/lender I guess.
Now that I'm looking more closely you're right, a bunch of places on the market don't have open houses, actually I should track that too on any property that comes up that I might even possibly be interested in. Didn't think of the "riff-raff" gawking, not in my personality, if I don't have a prayer of being able to afford it seems like not only a waste of time but something that would set me up for failure in this process (wanting too much than I reasonably could get access to).
Online "so this is what 2M+ (insert number here for the ocean front places) gets you" from pictures on listing is good enough for me. 
Actually probably would be helpful to pay attention to who's coming into the open houses too as you suggest. Oi vey competitive real estate can be complex, would never want to be a realtor I think.
@Anonymous wrote:Turn around time varies greatly, the best site for me was coldwell banker, it rips the listings off MLS way faster than anybody else does. Redfin here was updating my searches with houses 2 days behind CB. Century 21 was 1-2 days late, same for remax, realtor.com. Zillow/Trulia could be a week late. There were times I would get confused because Ihad already seen the same house pop up 3 different times. Hell zillow would show a new listing when coldwell banker was on a price change.
Thank you for that insight!
@Anonymous wrote:Also, just google searching gave me a site called LApocketlistings.com looks like they may have some stuff in your price range, that almost certainly is NOT anywhere on MLS. I just called Susan (roommates sis in law) she says its very very common in LA for brokers to hold listings if they are established RE Brokers. It ensures they get actually qualified buyers and offers them possible dual agency. I'm way out of my depth in that price range, but I would make sure your agent either has significant experience or/and good connections. I guess the same thing is happening in London, NYC, SD, SF and a few other places with hot markets.
Yeah, I got that impression when I was wandering around today that there may be a secondary market... was a few obviously for sale places in driving around that I didn't see, not that I even bothered: if you have to ask the price, you can't afford it anyway. I can see the advantages for pulling off a dual agency win to be sure, especially with the pricing around here... and yeah, the local connections bit is going to be key I think, though strangely the best friend of the listing realtor, is now working in the same office as my realtor: real estate is apparently very small world. Guess that could be either good or bad.
I don't honestly know if it would make a difference right now, when it's game time for the long-term house on the assumption I have kids in the future, that one absolutely the local connections would be key, without a doubt, but right now those houses are around 1.2M which I can't afford currently.
Walked through 2 open houses sans realtor, not sure whether it's because I clean up OK or it's just any client with a pulse will do, but they threw business cards at me without my even soliciting for them. Neither were appropriate for me but I digress.
Did go through the one listing I was actually interested in, and I can see the value in an experienced realtor... asked some questions I would've never thought to ask on my own (seller's requirements, title issues since it was investment trust, and what does the seller want to see in a strong offer) some of which had obvious answers (duh, price) but it was interesting to see the two professionals in the room exchanging information. Learned some things just listening to the conversation which definitely makes me a more educated buyer.
Was a little surprised that neither of them had good comps, didn't seem like it was that hard to make a swag based on prior sales in this complex but it's more likely I don't know what makes a good comparison when you get something off a one-off location / complex. It's just over on the right side of the school district line, that and the view (which absolutely did not suck, like seriously if I get "stuck" waking up to that for the next 30 years, I assure you, I'll be OK!) tack on like 200K apparently. So Cal pricing, though cost of sticking the theoretical kids through private school is a lot more than that over time I suspect so I understand the price difference. There was one couple with what looked like an 8-10 year old there, I'm just guessing that people aren't quite certain what they're out for as based on what I know of the area, they really need to suck up the crappier commute whereas I don't want that currently sans kids... that'd be the jump I make in 5-7 years if everything goes swimmingly well in my life though it was clear those houses based on similar financing would need some work whereas this was pretty much move-in ready.
I liked the place a lot though, some of it was a little dated which may get replaced later and I simply cannot get a better location for myself where I live between commute, right school district, and easy access to my hobbies (soccer refereeing and running, I used to drive 30 minutes to get here to run, rolling out of bed, stumbling down the stairs, a little uphill and then running right along the drive overlooking the ocean... um, yes please!). Whether I find a chica and raise a few kids or I don't, this works for at least the next decade or so in either event.
Something I wasn't sure on but I guess this is where you have to trust the realtor: he made a comment about putting your offer in 5% lower than you are targetting... which here is like 40K from their asking price, and from where I sort of thought it should be priced at (which I checked Zillow estimate afterwards and difference was 2K, even I thought that was strange) is closer to 60K off their asking price. I think based on financing availability in the market I need to set a floor on the offer based on the stretch that other offers would be made based off what could be reached with conventional and FHA mortgages... and nobody that I saw there today at any rate would be giving an all cash offer. If someone bets the farm on one of those newer 10% down jumbos, well fine they can have it.
Asked the realtor for a good market analysis, hope to make at least a competitive offer: if they take it I win, if they don't, my lenders at least will have done the pre-work needed for next time, so I win there too. There was something I thought odd where the realtor suggested that for a strong offer I include not only the pre-approval letter, but also proof of funds, and optionally my credit report. I don't have any issue with this (after blacking out the relevant account numbers and most of the SSN) but I thought that's what the listing agent's phone call to the loan officer listed on the pre-approval letter, but I guess a first-hand look at the documents is important with the various fly-by-night mortgage mills around?
Is this a common step for offers in a competitive market in that I know a bunch of deals historically around here have fallen apart on financing?
Anyway thank you everyone for the discussion on this, been very educational for me as I attempt to navigate this process!