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Mid score is 641, DTI with new house payment will be hovering at 45%. Lender said we most likely need an exception for that and they will look to the credit score. Is there any way to determine if the 641 is high enough for the exception?
640 is on the low side... some lenders even require a 640 to even qualify through their underwriting. That being said, if your DTI is on the high side then you will need compensating factors to overcome this. Usually this is either a high credit score or cash reserves. The reserves don't have to be liquid, so a 401(k) would qualify in most cases.
Your credit score is not a compensating factor, if anything it is a deterrant. IMO, for FHA... 620 stinks, but can make it work. 660, no issues. 700 is great, 740+ perfect.
In addition to what the above poster said, I have found that a lot of lenders will consider 45% DTI fine so you may not need a compensating factor.
45% on the back end should be fine but you may have to shop around.