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A crush on someone, and feeling you aren't good enough because of your financial problems.

Established Contributor

Re: A crush on someone, and feeling you aren't good enough because of your financial problems.

Personally I would really prefer if the person I was going to marry and buy a house with have a high credit score because that shows they are responsble with money. You are not in that much of debt I wouldn't worry if I were you just pay off the amount as soon as you can and anyone should be able to understand that every student has debts to pay out of college it should not be a big deal

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Message 11 of 19
Moderator

Re: A crush on someone, and feeling you aren't good enough because of your financial problems.

I did go through this with my tax liens.

 

I came to the conclusion I was being fundamentally stupid: first, there's absolutely no guaruntee that the other individual will react in a negative fashion once they find out (there's LOTS of other things that relationships gets tossed out over much earlier in the process), by the time finances come up they should be emotionally invested in you.  Secondly, personally I never, ever, have an issue when when someone who has created their own problems owns up to it and lays out a plan for addressing it - that is a huge step for anyone to take, and only knowing the world as it's presented to you, if I wouldn't kick someone to the curb over it, why would they?  It's completely different if you aren't aware, and don't care.

 

Finally, if I respect them enough to be in a real relationship with them, then I respect them enough to have the conversation with them and let them make the decision: the odds are way against someone running away screaming without the discussion happening first.

 

Also as a tangential point on that one, there's something to be said for having a serious discussion like this before getting married as if you can work through that, there's a much better chance you can work through the rest of the difficult things that invariably come up in a relationship.  This one's easy ground for you (or me in my case), and as a result while it might be scary, you can stack the deck way in your favor ahead of time by having the real plan and demonstrating you're trying to fix it... odds are, he will even try to help on the presumed assumption he's not a sociopath or worse.

 

Financial problems, or a credit report, aren't a death sentence.  Don't treat them as such Smiley Happy.

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Message 12 of 19
Frequent Contributor

Re: A crush on someone, and feeling you aren't good enough because of your financial problems.

If he pays for everything with a debit card maybe his finances are not so great either.



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Message 13 of 19
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Established Contributor

Re: A crush on someone, and feeling you aren't good enough because of your financial problems.


MissCredit9 wrote:

If he pays for everything with a debit card maybe his finances are not so great either.


Lol, true.

 

OP, I wouldn't worry about it.  Just keep working on your finances and the relationship, and if it is supposed to work out it will.

Message 14 of 19
Frequent Contributor

Re: A crush on someone, and feeling you aren't good enough because of your financial problems.

So did you ask him out yet??

I would rather date someone who messed up in the past and was fixing it than someone who was going to go nuts while we're together and ruin both our credit.

PS- My student loan is 3x yours. I wouldn't stress too much. Just don't defer it or you'll accrue a ton of interest.
Message 15 of 19
Valued Contributor

Re: A crush on someone, and feeling you aren't good enough because of your financial problems.

to me money is not everything!


Message 16 of 19
Super Contributor

Re: A crush on someone, and feeling you aren't good enough because of your financial problems.


JoshNurse wrote:

triedtogetacardandcouldnt wrote:

Oh, and there's my bankruptcy.


Smiley Indifferent The future house payment would sky rocket.  I ask for a social security on my first date. 

 

 

 

jk dont take me serious lol... My seriousness level is on my forum avatars face..


Well i had a date that in fact did ask me for my social on the 2nd or 3rd date. i then Ran For The Hills. Smiley Sad


Message 17 of 19
Valued Contributor

Re: A crush on someone, and feeling you aren't good enough because of your financial problems.


triedtogetacardandcouldnt wrote:

Oh, and there's my bankruptcy. I'm sure he'll find that very attractive.

 

I realize that it's not something to get into until things are serious, but many people don't even want to date someone with financial problems in the first place.


everyone makes mistakes, don't let mistakes define you, its how you fix your mistakes that makes the real you. You live and you learn, and if you choose to fix the problems you become a better person. 

I would prefer to be with a person that has made mistakes and worked through them, than to be with someone that never took a chance and made a mistake. Because they have no experience in what it takes to succeed in life longterm. 

 

 

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Message 18 of 19
Established Contributor

Re: A crush on someone, and feeling you aren't good enough because of your financial problems.

For the CC aspect of your debt, that is not much at all.

Message 19 of 19