Adding a BF/GF as AU

[Ravensfan2001]

My son and his GF are both 19 years old. They've been together for almost 5 years. My son is doing pretty well with his credit, considering his age and low AAoA (I previously posted about him and his credit profile). He talked to his GF about getting a credit card (she has none) to start building. After her bank turned her down, she became discouraged and doesn't really want to deal with credit. Would adding her as an AU on my son's credit cards WITHOUT giving her a card be a good idea? He has "prime" cards and my thinking is that even as an AU, it would at least help her start building her credit. My son is still trying to talk her into applying for a Capital One card. No luck yet.

He sees a future with her, so he feels that he should encourage her to start building. I agree, but don't know how to give her help that she's not asking for. I think it's for her own benefit, especially if she ends up becoming my daughter-in-law, it will benefit my son as well. Thoughts?

[NJTurnpike]

I'll start off with a gripe. What is it with women and just saying "I just don't want to." Is it really beyond their capability to explain themselves logically when  asked? I guess some people are prisoners of their personalities and need to be coddled into doing things for their own benefits. </end gripe>

The best route of course is for her to get her own cards and be added an AU on your son's cards (WITHOUT giving her the cards). At their age, they should never trust each other with each others cards. I think you're on the right path here with them. It sounds like it will take some conversations and dialogue to get her to understand the value of managing one's credit at such a young age. Obviously, given her attitude, her parents haven't instilled such values.

I have plenty of friends who are in their mid 30's and are of the "credit cards are evil" mentality. Then they wonder why they have 10%+ car loans and terrible mortgage rates.

[Ravensfan2001]

Haha I have the opposite situation. My husband is the one who doesn't want to deal with anything. That's why his credit is jacked up worse than mine.

I'm kind of embarrassed (I don't know if that's the right word) to talk to her about credit. First of all, she didn't ask. Second of all, it's really none of my business. Lastly, I may not be the best person to talk to because of my past credit problems. I'm still in rebuilding mode. Hmmm... Maybe that makes me a better person to talk to about credit. Either way, it's just not me to get in her business like that. On the hand, mu son actually listens to me and agrees that she needs to start building up her credit. That's why I suggested to add her as AU without the card. No way in heck would I support them sharing finances at their age.

I'm actually still in my 30's and think credit cards and money are "evil." But you gotta do what you gotta do to make it in this world, right?

[NJTurnpike]

Without getting into lecture mode, I will say some credit card companies are inherently evil, like the old school blockbuster who's business model counted on profits made from customers who returned items late or without rewinding, CCC like CreditOne, Matrix or FirstPremier are set up to destroy most of their customers. So you can think of them as evil if you will. 

Most CCC though are financial products aimed at providing a service and convenience to their customers. Inexpereinced and irresponsible customers get themselves into trouble then blame the CCC.

Learn to use them like the tools they are and the benefits will follow.

As to your specific situation, I can't speak to specifics. you decide whether your relationship with your son is such that he will appreciate your advice. Perhaps just point him in the direction of these forums, and he'll learn on his own. Just get this post thread deleted first.  No one likes their laundry being aired in public.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion, if she doesn't want to deal with credit then you should respect her wishes. At 19 it's likely that she'll change her mind, and when she's ready she can try again. My guess is that she was denied because she doesn't have a significant work history or income, so in time she should qualify for something. It's great that you're re-building your credit and that your son is paying close attention to his own credit, but people have to move on their own schedule. If she isn't ready, then it's best not to push her. In the meantime, perhaps you and/or your son could help her learn how credit works and how to use it responsibly?

Just my two cents.

[Ravensfan2001]

I guess I think CCs are evil because I mishandled my finances when I was young and just needed to blame someone/something else besides myself. Ha!

So my son and I are pretty much on the same page about his girlfriend. He's handling it, and I'm just here for support and advice. It's true that people tend to get frustrated about or steer away from things they don't understand. A little education about credit definitely won't hurt.

[drkaje]

Sorry but I'd only add someone already managing their credit well as AU.

[twall06]

My gf is on one of mine she doesn't have a card though . Learned my lesson with another girl we where together for three years ran up my cards things didn't work out I got screwed . I don't see anything wrong with it unless she doesn't want to risk your son slipping up and somehow messing her credit up.

[odin308]

There's no need for a credit card at 19. I got my first card when I was 24(probably a bit late). It didn't stop me from getting a basement rate mortgage loan or car loan. This is especially the case if the young person is a student and has a good repayment history on student loans.

[twall06]

@Odin308 having one at 19 would would build your credit history and you AAoA. If its managed properly it would be beneficial.