Am I Blind?

[Anonymous]

---

@montana586 wrote:
Here's my problem with the situation if u have come to a point where marriage has been brought up I dont see why she has a problem with being open and honest with you about her sosituation regardless of how bad her situation is. So she wants joint bank accounts but doesn't wanna disclose financial information? Huh? Uh no mam shes basically asking u to walk into something blind and HOPE everything turns out ok? All the questions u asked at the end of your post is ur mind and body seeing the red flags do not ignore gut instincts. Alot of times people ignore those things ans end up kicking themselves later on because they didn't listen to whar they were feeling. Ask me how I know? Im divorced and knew all along it was a bad idea in the first place. Thankfully I didn't let it ruin me and make me bitter and I ended up getting married again last year to a person who I can see myself being with to the end. But boy was it a hard lesson learned

---

Agreed. Excellent post.

[Anonymous]

Thanks, I just want it to work. I am paying attention. 

[montana586]

And there's nothing wrong with wanting it to work but remember it takes 2. Its 50/50 cant be u giving 90 and her giving 10. Just take some time and observe if this doesn't get better with time then no way will it get better in a marriage and the last thing u wamna argue about is money in a marriage its absolutely frustrating when u dont have two people on the same page when the bills needs to be paid. Its important to have an understanding and if u don't it can destroy the relationship very fast.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. We are at the point that both our children are in it; I love her little girl and she loves my son. I refuse to have multiple women in his life. I made a choice to love her so I want to do what it takes to make it work. 

[alienfico]

Run, my ex-husband had 55K in debt when I met him with a six figure income and $3,800 child support and alimony combined......run now, not later. 

[Anonymous]

---

@alienfico wrote:

Run, my ex-husband had 55K in debt when I met him with a six figure income and $3,800 child support and alimony combined......run now, not later. 

---

@alienfico,

You must be a kind woman to marry a man with that much debt, alimony and child support combined.

[SayHey]

---

@skigirl916 wrote:

---

@Anonymous wrote:

Situation: I have been with my girlfriend for a year. We are having the marriage talks and I am seriously thinking about marrying her. She has been divoreced twice and I have never been married. I really turned my credit around and have some CO that are about to fall off but no new credit or new accounts besides a truck payment. I have two collections I drafted PFD today and will pay them in full. I told her I want to let her see what she is getting herself into and told her she can see all three CR and I want to see her's. She repsond saying that I only care about money and credit. I asked to see her's and she said yes when she is ready. Now I messed up valentines weekend. She wants us to have one checking account, one savings. She says that I talk like I wont have her back.

As far as income, she brings home AT 2100 (she says) plus 500$ in CS. I have my son wednesdays and every other weekend. I bring AT 3800 and pay 600$ in CS. I have seen how much she spends and she has like 13 CC and I watched her frivously spend 1300$ during Christmas. We had the convo about her previous marriages and she said she only has 10K$ in debt from her two previous husbands. I asked to see and she turned it on me and said everyone is not as fortunate as you. I am middle class at best and became aware of my credit after failing. Yes, for my state, my income is higher than normal but for years I spent it all and didnt pay my bills so my credit took a hit. 

I told her I am seriously thinking about marrying her and I want her to see what my financial goals are and what my debt is so she know what she will be getting into. She is beyond upset with me for wanting to see her three CR.

My thoughts:

1. Wouldnt you have wanted your ex-husband to share his debts and not leave you with 10k(she says) in debt?

2. What do you have to hide?

3. If I have to go on disability wouldnt you like to know I settled my debts for your security?

4. Because I want different checking accounts I dont have your back?

5. Am I fighiting a lost cause and should I just run?

---

I wouldn't be sharing my credit reports with my BF of a year.

Then again, I plan on going 100% pre-nup.

---

Friendly word of caution...pre-nup does not get you out of making a full disclosure (and I realize that's not exactly what you said).  In fact, quite the opposite is true.  Failure to make a full disclosure beforehand could void the agreement altogether. 

[Anonymous]

ok, first of all you have every right to check her report BEFORE getting married. I would not marry her unless you know this information first. Its so important. and I have when people tell me all I care about it credit and money (my family has said this to me too), Its important in life to have those things in order. I do not think your crazy at all for what you are demanding. If you saw her spend like that at Christmas then the $10k in debt could be a lot more then what she is telling you. I watch Suze Orman a lot and she always suggests being on the same page with finances before you get married. ALSO another point is WHY WOULDNT she let you look at them IF theres nothing to hide? If I were you maybe keep trying at the relationship? But something will have to change with her habits or no offense but you will be ex husband #3. 

Good Luck!

[Anonymous]

---

@Anonymous wrote:

---

@Journeygod wrote:

Why are we even having this discussion???

Hey Buddy, there's a REASON why she's been married twice.

Trust me, in the long run, a string of hookers would be less expensive.

Move on.

---

Because sometimes the truth hurts

---

LOL. thats hilarious.

[Anonymous]

And that is my BIGGEST fear! In my family divorce is taboo, counsleing is the normal when problems arise.