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Member
Hamaron
Posts: 12
Registered: ‎10-24-2013

At a loss...spouse lied about paying bills

I'm new here. And very, very frustrated. My wife has had a habit of not paying bills on time, but has usually kept away from my accounts. But I recently found that she had not only NOT paid a couple bills, but also lied to me about being "completely caught up". After working SO HARD to build my credit up (I was able to get an Amex Gold Card in Jan 2013, have charged $26k on it so far this year and fully paid each month), I was floored to learn that TWO 90 day delinquencies had appeared in the past two months on one of the cheapest bills I have - a $73 student loan payment. I am beyond livid. It's one thing to come home to a dark house because the electricity was shut off, but quite another to be working on a path to buying a bigger house and have it all come crashing down in a matter of weeks.

 

We're not broke, so I am just beside myself. We've been married 13 years and I swear it's been the unluckiest year ever. I don't want to divorce for my kids' sake (3 and 4 months), but I am just not seeing an end to this madness. Is it legit for me to think that it will ever get better? I've taken over all the bill paying for now. I already have so much going on that adding another task is just a back-breaker. But I guess I can't keep relying on her to tell the truth or just pay the darn things.

 

Thanks for letting me vent.

Regular Contributor
KoolDev
Posts: 215
Registered: ‎09-26-2013

Re: At a loss...spouse lied about paying bills

When my wife was well ( chronically ill now), she did a budget once and man everything got paid.  Had marital problems, she got sick, i had a stroke, so things fell to the wayside in 07.

 

I have been paying all the bills the past 6 years, i do all of it.  She was mad a few times about not having "her" money and having to ask me what she could spend.  But it eased over time.  I control all the money, house has been remodeled (june 13), she got a new used car (nov 12) and never does without.  It was just a pain getting here.  You guys can do it.  My DW was the type that could be overwhelmed at times. My kids are 15 and 19 now.    it does get easier, she just needs to be able to see  it if you are controlling the money. 

 

We used to spend about 400 a month eating out.  Took me forever to end that cycle, now once every two months for a really nice restaurant at the most.   Keep your chin up and dont hold it against her.  Just do the right thing with the finances, she will see it :smileyhappy:

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Member
Hamaron
Posts: 12
Registered: ‎10-24-2013

Re: At a loss...spouse lied about paying bills

[ Edited ]

Ok. Thank you for your reply.

 

I decided that the best way to move forward was to forgive her, take all the bills and budgeting away and never talk about it again. I took the costliest credit card and paid it in full last night which made me feel much better (that's MY retail therapy, haha). It was from our kitchen remodel from five or six years ago. She had been paying the MINIMUM for all that time! :smileysurprised:

 

I guess I'm now the perfect candidate for this forum. Any advice for clearing those two deliquencies?

 

 

 

 

Regular Contributor
KoolDev
Posts: 215
Registered: ‎09-26-2013

Re: At a loss...spouse lied about paying bills

Deleting the two delinquents might take some time.    My advice is to use the credit rebuild section of the forum, look at topics etc, do a search in the forum search bar and try to find things closely related to your situation and then post about it in the rebuild section.   I have luck with only one out of 3 lates (baddies) being removed from my account so far.

My Sock Drawer: Care Credit $4200-371, Cap 1 $1000-0. Cap1 $750-0, Ge Retail $1000-0, JCP 600-0, Amazon 3000-0, First Flight 1500-0
In Use: NFCU Visa Sig $17.5k-4024.00, Chase Freedom $4500.00-1900.00, WF $1000.00-0.00

Starting Score 538
Current Score 687 Nov 1- 693 Nov 21 Fico TU 733 Nov 21
Goal 700 by November---Reporting dates will put goal off until Nov 30 UGHH
Valued Contributor
Gunnar419
Posts: 1,118
Registered: ‎01-23-2013

Re: At a loss...spouse lied about paying bills


Hamaron wrote:

Ok. Thank you for your reply.

 

I decided that the best way to move forward was to forgive her, take all the bills and budgeting away and never talk about it again. I took the costliest credit card and paid it in full last night which made me feel much better (that's MY retail therapy, haha). It was from our kitchen remodel from five or six years ago. She had been paying the MINIMUM for all that time! :smileysurprised:

 

I guess I'm now the perfect candidate for this forum. Any advice for clearing those two deliquencies?

 

 


You're a good man for forgiving her. I'm not sure I could be so big in that situation. Not paying the bills was bad, but lying to you about it is so far beyond the pale that you might need to go with her to counseling to try to restore trust. In the meantime, you've probably done the right thing by taking all bills away from her and doing all the bill paying yourself.

 

For certain, the credit rebuilding section will have help for you to get rid of those delinquencies. Good luck with both the money and the personal parts of this.

 

Moderator
09Lexie
Posts: 24,422
Registered: ‎09-13-2012

Re: At a loss...spouse lied about paying bills

If you haven't already done so, may I suggest setting up all your bills on auto pay.
Member
Hamaron
Posts: 12
Registered: ‎10-24-2013

Re: At a loss...spouse lied about paying bills

About half were already done on auto-pay. But many were not, despite the facilities being in place to do it. 

 

Today, I got the water/trash bill. Paid $83 online in 5 minutes. :smileytongue:

New Visitor
WilliamsNews
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎10-29-2013

Re: At a loss...spouse lied about paying bills

Yea I am a big fan of the auto pay features for paying my bills. It just gives me peace of mind that I don't have to worry about forgetting to pay one. Also I would talk to your wife about the whole incident and explain to her that things like that are unacceptable. I respect you for not wanting to divorce for your children, my parents divorced when I was about 16 and it was a major impact on my life. So hats off to working things out and like I said I would definitely just sit down with her and put things on the table and let her know that it can't happen anymore, if you haven't already. Communication, or lack thereof, is the biggest factor in relationships failing in my opinion. Best of luck!

Member
Hamaron
Posts: 12
Registered: ‎10-24-2013

Re: At a loss...spouse lied about paying bills

My parents divorced when I was 22 - and right before I got married, so I know how you feel, WilliamsNews. I *thought* we communicated well, but this situation illuminated an underlying (pun not intended) issue. She tells me that she would get anxiety about paying bills because we struggled a lot when we were first married. But we didn't have nearly as many bills then. Bigger salaries, kids, a house - bigger bills. I never dreamed that it was such a big problem and I feel pretty bad that she felt so anxious about it. I do love her very much, so I am willing to take over. It turns out to not be a big deal at all. Many of the bills are auto-paid, but due dates don't scare me. I am a planner (and small business owner), so I expect to pay such and such at this date. No biggie.

Since then, I called the student loan holder, MOHELA. They tell me that if I can pay the balance (which is ~$400 by 11/11/2013, that I can dispute the lates with the CR agencies. The agent explained that there is a bit of lag between notification and reporting. So it is possible to remove the lates if the debt is paid in full. $400? Absolutely - where do I sign? :smileyhappy:

 

 

Regular Contributor
Startome
Posts: 399
Registered: ‎08-21-2013

Re: At a loss...spouse lied about paying bills

Mine divorced when I was 17, so as the above said, It's awesome to read about you guys working out what needs worked out. And As an above said, communication is one of the biggest keys, and I believe a lack of it is what mostly lead to my parents divorce. I don't make a lot, but I make life work, and thankfully my girlfriend sees how she is with numbers, and already says I'll be the one to handle all the finances when they become joint and we're married :smileylol:

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