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Senior Contributor
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Registered: ‎11-02-2009
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Re: Blended family, Remarry finance questions


my-own-fico wrote:

Croselx wrote:

Try to do it by %. If he earns 75% of income and you earn 25% of income then you should pay 25% of the basics (cell phone, rent, food, utilities, etc) and he should pay 75%.


 

I see the math, but where is the justification? If you go to the grocery store, will the clerk enter your salary in the register and base the price of milk and bread on it?

 


You and the grocery store are not in a partnership. 

 

There's nothing that says people have to follow this type of formula, but it's a perfectly reasonable one. I make more than my wife so I take a larger portion of the bills.  We couldn't split everythng in half if we wanted to.  While I pay for more, the time demands of my job are much greater than hers so she takes on a larger share of house duties and dropping off/picking up duties for our son at school.  

 

 


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Re: Blended family, Remarry finance questions

But not everyone has the same hourly wage; some earn more and spend less time doing so. So does she make up for her smaller salary by taking on a bigger slice of the household duties because you earn more or because you work longer? I don't see much reasonable about this, if we maintain that the two keep part of their respective income to themselves. If on the other hand they don't, then of course there's no problem of any kind; any respectable household sharing allows for some flexibility for indulgences for everyone. What exactly is it that's taken away?

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Re: Blended family, Remarry finance questions


my-own-fico wrote:

But not everyone has the same hourly wage; some earn more and spend less time doing so. So does she make up for her smaller salary by taking on a bigger slice of the household duties because you earn more or because you work longer? I don't see much reasonable about this, if we maintain that the two keep part of their respective income to themselves. If on the other hand they don't, then of course there's no problem of any kind; any respectable household sharing allows for some flexibility for indulgences for everyone. What exactly is it that's taken away?


In looking at the situation OP framed, BF (of 6 months) is the one who'd be losing the most flexibility. I appreciate that this is the kind of forum where no one will state the obvious to spare feelings. That being said, implying his being unwilling/unable to float 4 people is a huge character flaw is pretty harsh, especially considering the change in responsibility level.

 


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Re: Blended family, Remarry finance questions

Haha, if BF should decide not to marry, I wouldn't think less of him. I'm merely talking about once they are married. If you go back to the Brady Bunch Mad Men Seven Year Itch generation, the husband worked in the city while the wife was a homemaker taking care of the kids. This was normal, and it was beyond anyone's imagination keeping your finances separate.

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Re: Blended family, Remarry finance questions

The % isn't set in stone and it is only a suggestion, other things must be taken into account before deciding. Remember the OP isn't married.

 

1) You could split like this example.

A makes $100 monthly and B makes $50 monthly. Both use the internet regardless of they being together, the internet cost is fixed at $1. If we go by % A makes 66% and B makes 34% (rounded to make it easier). Should pay be based on this: A pays $.66 and B pays $.34.

 

Both are saving money by spliting the cost and even though B 'saves' more than A, at the end of the day A will still have more money because s/he earns more. This sharing would only be for things that are in common such as utilities, food, etc. Pleasure things or luxuries such as a car or an expensive watch would be paid in full by the one enjoying them. Other things must be taken into account before deciding anything as there are a lot of variables involved such as person B earning only half of person A, but only working half the time or B taking taking or children or most of house chores (while also working).

 

2) or you could split the basics 50/50, add to a savings/investment account 50/50 and pocket the rest individually without questioning the other party. Chores/ house responsibilities are equally split.

 

Something to think about if getting married.  If you earned $1M and your spouse $100K, then the MARRIAGE earned $1.1M and if a dirvoce occurs then the spouse that earned less is entitled to half the total amount (sometimes more + alimony) regardless because it is a partnership. In this case it makes sense to split 50/50 because in the worse case scenario someone else (the judge) will. Better get used to it if you are going to get married. From your posts it seems it'll be hard for your BF to get used to the partnership and new guidelines so I would proceed with caution.

 

 

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Re: Blended family, Remarry finance questions

More and more relationships break up over finances. Its a tough discussion.

But knowing ahead of time you either accept the situation or move on.
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Re: Blended family, Remarry finance questions


my-own-fico wrote:

Haha, if BF should decide not to marry, I wouldn't think less of him. I'm merely talking about once they are married. If you go back to the Brady Bunch Mad Men Seven Year Itch generation, the husband worked in the city while the wife was a homemaker taking care of the kids. This was normal, and it was beyond anyone's imagination keeping your finances separate.


Divorce was also beyond anyone's imagination in those times as well.

Times have changed, so has the game.

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Re: Blended family, Remarry finance questions

personally, I like to keep our finances separate. i got burned before with my ex husband...got left holding the ball and paying the price for all of the debt, everything.

right now, I make about 3x more than my boyfriend of 6 years. we don't have any joint accounts, but we do have a child together. I have a son from my marriage that doesnt live with me 99% of the time.

I look at it like this, whether he was here or not, I would be paying for all of this stuff myself.

our arrangement is that I pay:
the entire rent
my cell bill
my car payment, insurance, etc

i usually buy most of the food for me/our daughter
i buy all her clothing/shoes/etc
i also send my ex husband 400/mo for my son

he pays:
all the utilities - power, cable, internet, phone
his own phone
his own insurance, car, etc
a lot of his own food since we dont like the same food and eat separately most of the time
his school, books, etc.

anything outside of those things... is our own money. if he gives me crap about spending money, i tell him to butt out and that its none of his business. I don't bother him about what he spends his money on (beer, hunting crap, swords, RC helicopters, etc)... every once in a while he likes to make a comment about what I buy or act like he has a right to tell me what I should or shouldnt spend it on...but our finances are completely separate. my bills are paid on time, whatever I do with the rest is none of his business. (I'm going into hardcore saving mode now, but I still buy some fun things). 

I think a lot of it stems from his jealousy. he thinks I don't "deserve" how much I make because he thinks that he works "so much harder". thats just the kind of person he is... a martyr/entitled type that I have to keep in check. whatever the case, I do pay for a lot more than he does. In fact, I'm pretty sure if he didnt live with me, he would need to live with his mother because he probably couldn't afford to rent his own place here (Bay Area, CA).

the general thing is that I don't know that we'll last together as a couple... we're not the most stable pair of people and I don't really feel like we'll be together forever. I know that I can take care of myself. I'm improving my credit and saving for a down payment on a house that I plan to purchase entirely on my own credit and with my own money. If ever we do break up, I don't want to deal with any crap this time about who owns the house. 

I got burned before when I broke up with my ex and he didnt help me with the mortgage, but he came with his hand out demanding money from the refinance in order to get him to sign the house over to me. I lost out on 15k to that jerk, money that he didn't put into that house. I'm not going down that road again. If I'm gonna be paying for the house (he cant afford to help me pay for it anyway) its going to be mine. End of story.


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Re: Blended family, Remarry finance questions

It sounds like you have found what works for you.

 

With that in mind, be careful about keeping bank docs and passwords lying around.   

Contributor
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Registered: ‎12-10-2012
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Re: Blended family, Remarry finance questions

Hello!

 

Just wanted to give you all an update since I first posted this...

 

My BF and I will have been together for 2 years in June.  Since writing this, we have moved in to a home in the suburbs with my three kids... We split the rent and all utilities.   We did have a discussion about groceries (my kids eat a LOT) and so he pays less for that. I go grocery shopping every week and so he picks up the tab for groceries one week out of the months.  That is as far as our combined expenses go.

 

The rest of our money is seperate.  I am working now and I get child support and my BF is now the one laid off of work, but he still seems to pull in just as much if not more than I do.  When we go out, he often pays for it... he also bought my kids really nice Xmas gifts that I couldnt have afforded.

 

Yes, we did rush, but it felt right (still does) but we have been pretty open.  We do talk about bills.. I am the one that actually pays them, but I tell him what I need each month and he deposits that money into our joint account (which we use only for household bills that we pay together).

 

So far so good...

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