Thanks for replying
So you think 2 single people buying a house is not a great idea ? I agree it not perfect but then her repsonse will be " thats another reason why we need to get married ASAP" and I figured I could delay it a little more by co-owning a house togather so she feels she is getting some of her demands met
main reasons I'm deaying marriage and more kids
1- she has lots of student debt
2-she is used to a very rich lifetsyle which I dont think I want at all
3-She has a hard time raising one kid and she wants more ?
It is 100% ok for you not to want to marry, or to have more kids. There is no need to justify your reasons for that here. That said, entering isto a 15-30 year contract to "delay" marriage and having more kids is not wise. Stand firm.
One good friend of mine divorced after years of a rocky marriage that got rockier and rockier. He's newly married some 4 years after the divorce and very excited to become a father for the first time. When I asked him why he and his first missus never had kids, his reply was, "I always thought I didn't want children. But when I realized I didn't want children with HER, that's when I knew we were mismatched."
Another colleague of mine had a pre-teen daughter. Just in casual conversation, he said, "I always wanted 2 or 3 kids, but why would I have MORE children with her? He's still married to "her" and still vaguely miserable.
Everyone has to the right to want or not want marriage and/or children. But could it be that you don't want marriage and [more] children with HER? Both friends said it took them time to realize that distinction. If you know in the back of your mind, that this may be you, then as someone else so eloquently put it, don't committ to a 15-30 year rock solid, hugely expensive contract just to give yourself time to think.
You can buy a house for yourself and your Dad, charge HER rent if you two decide she and your child are to move in. (Not as harsh as it sounds, as of course she'd want to contribute to the upkeep of her home...wouldn't she? It might also give her pause that there's no use in gaming the system anymore ("marry me, let's have more kids that I'm not good at raising, let's buy a house until you're ready to do the first two--meanwhile, I may just get pregnant again anyway), and get her financial house and her act in order...or take it on the road. No judgment; just food for thought.
As someone in a "complicated" relationship and contemplating purchasing a house together my advice is NO! NO! NO! While I am thinking long and hard about our situation, we are at least on the same page as far as marriage and kids, and both make very good money. Everything you have written screams trap. I agree with all the suggestions that say buy the house yourself and let her live there. Heck, don't even charge her rent. But do not buy a house together to avoid marriage and kids. There is absolutely no positive outcome from this scenario.
If you DO get a house together and married. Get a prenup. The amount of money you make alone is enough to have things go waaaay left if the relationship goes sour. Even if everything is gravy now. Divorce usually always leans in favor of the woman. Even more so when a child is involved...unfortunately.
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Bad idea. Terrible investment. Huge mistake which will cost you perhaps decades. You are a divorce attorney's dream come true if things go wrong.
Buying a new house isn't a bad idea ever I think. But you should be careful while buying a new one. On other hand, you should keep in mind few things about the place, location, people, manner and attitude. If everything are great and comfortable for you can buy a new one. I think your decision is decent. Carry on!
Hi I am going to take a little different approach. You do not have to decide today to buy a house or have children. Why not rent something together? That way, you can still have a cozy existence and have dad be in the picture as he can rent a room in the house that you are renting. This way, you get to save for a decent down payment and improve your credit scores. This will also, allow you to leave the situation after 6 months to a year depending on the lease terms instead of being left very fiscally vulerable if things go south with a 15-20-30 year mortgage contract.
For the debts and lifestyle, maybe decide what you want your future to look like when you present getting out of debt. What does it look and feel like to have debt-free vacations, to have money set aside for self-loaning on cars and driving debt-free cars paid for in cash. Also, what is an original idea to really take care of her and your child together by buying 25* years worth of expenses in 20 year term-life insurance so that she can pay off the house in case something happens to you and put your child through college, and take care of father. Someday when you have the house that you paid 20% downpayment after her student loans and any debt is paid off and you guys have a 5 to 8 months emergency fund, you buy the house that both you and your family can enjoy and celebrate life in. At the same time I am becoming a little quote happy. I am not credit card adverse, I use credit cards but if you or she have that kind of problem, please consider using the snowball/avalanche method where possible
to pay off those debts quickly.
This is your life and you must decide but no pressure, delayed gratification goes a long way in my book. Also, here is a video, it shows, how to figure out if you can afford to live together, a couple who uses the envelope system because they are not married but were living together (it is a great alternative to a joint bank account), and an easy savings strategy. Envelope Budget System - You stated that things are stablizing, if you can picture how you would like things to be, and have a shared vision on how to get there, that would benefit the relationship greatly but being on different pages is okay, it helps us see that we want different things and either we work together or we do not but linger on and becoming more committed in fiscally irresponsible ways is something I agree with the other posters that it does neither you, your child, your father or you any favors.