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Regular Contributor
wmweeza
Posts: 197
Registered: ‎03-21-2014
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....

[ Edited ]

Thank you for the reply! Yes, finances can be embarrassing, but what's more embarrassing is ignoring it and thus confirming to all who know you that you can't handle being an adult and that the word obligation means nothing.

I don't get how people can enjoy that BMW knowing they are ignoring their bills, or that it's essentially on loan and is just a facade hiding how bad your finances are...I don't get it. My in laws live in a house twice the size of ours and have gorgeous furnishings. The difference in our house and possessions is that while it may be old, we didn't have to finance our future happiness to get it. We live within our means. Would I like a showroom beautiful home? Of course, but not at the expense of our future. So I ignore how they look down on our home...it's ours and we can easily afford it.

As far as emergency funds go, we had 8 months worth saved up, then my MIL had her cancer come back and we had to take over some of her expenses while she recovers. We're doing fine, but that dumped us back down to about 5 mopnths of an emergency fund. To many that seems like a lot, but to us it's dangerously low. We'll get it back up to where we need it to be, it'll just take 2 more months. (BTW, Mom is doing great health wise, just a little slow in getting back to normal)

 

 

So yes, in reply to this whole big thread, be open about finances, brush aside ego and know that with trust comes a lifetime of happiness. You'll still want to break something over the head of your spouse sometimes, lol, but generally you'll be happy

 

Edit to add:

Can I just say though that it always seems awkward and humorous at the same time that he runs to me everytime there is a change in our finances to make sure I know where we stand? I guess you have to be there but I really don't need EVERY tiny detail, but I love that he does that, it's odd yet sweet

EX score 804! Score as shown on CreditKarma 756,CS score 773,score as shown on AMEX Ex 846
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Contributor
1_2
Posts: 174
Registered: ‎03-06-2012
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....


wmweeza wrote:

Thank you for the reply! Yes, finances can be embarrassing, but what's more embarrassing is ignoring it and thus confirming to all who know you that you can't handle being an adult and that the word obligation means nothing.

I don't get how people can enjoy that BMW knowing they are ignoring their bills, or that it's essentially on loan and is just a facade hiding how bad your finances are...I don't get it. My in laws live in a house twice the size of ours and have gorgeous furnishings. The difference in our house and possessions is that while it may be old, we didn't have to finance our future happiness to get it. We live within our means. Would I like a showroom beautiful home? Of course, but not at the expense of our future. So I ignore how they look down on our home...it's ours and we can easily afford it.

As far as emergency funds go, we had 8 months worth saved up, then my MIL had her cancer come back and we had to take over some of her expenses while she recovers. We're doing fine, but that dumped us back down to about 5 mopnths of an emergency fund. To many that seems like a lot, but to us it's dangerously low. We'll get it back up to where we need it to be, it'll just take 2 more months. (BTW, Mom is doing great health wise, just a little slow in getting back to normal)

 

 

So yes, in reply to this whole big thread, be open about finances, brush aside ego and know that with trust comes a lifetime of happiness. You'll still want to break something over the head of your spouse sometimes, lol, but generally you'll be happy

 

Edit to add:

Can I just say though that it always seems awkward and humorous at the same time that he runs to me everytime there is a change in our finances to make sure I know where we stand? I guess you have to be there but I really don't need EVERY tiny detail, but I love that he does that, it's odd yet sweet



I dont even know you...but I'm proud of you. Great Job!








Closed on home Jan 30, 2013. Yay!

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Regular Contributor
wmweeza
Posts: 197
Registered: ‎03-21-2014
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....

LOL, thanks, I smiled at that.  I still don't get how my credit score went that high, but overall I am just a lucky girl.

EX score 804! Score as shown on CreditKarma 756,CS score 773,score as shown on AMEX Ex 846
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Established Member
Carrie_in_Pa
Posts: 284
Registered: ‎06-10-2014
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....


enharu wrote:

I honestly don't see the correlation between credit score and dating myself.

 

I mean having a good credit is obviously a plus, but not having credit isn't that bad either.

For instance, someone who insists on paying using debit/cash and pays for everything (car, house etc) using cash, is just not going to have a good credit score, simply because he has no credit history. Does this mean he's unqualified? Not at all. In fact in my opinion it's a big plus. 

Some people don 't see the need to use credit cards nor take up loans because they simply don't need it, don't want to pay huge amounts in interests and fees, or know they might not be disciplined enough to not get themselves into a sea of debt, so they avoid it.

 

Even if someone had a BK or late payment or CA on his records, that doesn't mean that person is unqualified. If it's just a late payment, maybe he forgot? things happen, and not the first thing that comes to everyone's mind is to pay for that $15 macys credit card bill for the 1 item he bought. Maybe he's an entreprenuer, and his first startup didn't work out so well that resulted in a BK, but he's doing well again now. Who knows.

 

And of course, there's always those with bad history because they screwed up their finances at one point in their lives. Maybe they didn't know better back then? I would put myself in this category. I didn't know a $0.92 late payment was going to drop my credit score into oblivion when I was 18. Of course I learned my lesson the hard way. Some people mature, some don't. Hopefully they do.

 

I think its unfair to write someone off the books just because of a credit score. You really need to find out more about what happened than to just look at the surface :smileytongue: 

 

Irrelevant: I think a criminal history report is probably a lot more necessary

 


 

First thing i did when i met my BF was run his name through a criminal search. Friends thought i was crazy but it was and still is important to me. A criminal background can't be fixed like a credit score can.

 

I was once set up on a blind date with a guy who had attempted homicide and other felony charges in his background. He was great at working and paying bills but I didn't want to be a part of that soap opera lifestyle.

 


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Regular Contributor
wmweeza
Posts: 197
Registered: ‎03-21-2014
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....


Carrie_in_Pa wrote:


 

First thing i did when i met my BF was run his name through a criminal search. Friends thought i was crazy but it was and still is important to me. A criminal background can't be fixed like a credit score can.

 

I was once set up on a blind date with a guy who had attempted homicide and other felony charges in his background. He was great at working and paying bills but I didn't want to be a part of that soap opera lifestyle.

 


Smart woman.

Like I said in my previous post, I met my now husband in an online grief chat room after my fiance died and his wife died. After knowing him for a little while I made plans to come meet him, but before I did I ran a full background check on him, because for all I knew he killed his first wife and was looking for a replacement.

Of course after I met him, it all seemed silly, he's the most upstanding person I have ever met, but I would recommend checking anyone out that you'd be sharing your personal space with that you aren't sure of

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Contributor
1_2
Posts: 174
Registered: ‎03-06-2012
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....


Carrie_in_Pa wrote:

enharu wrote:

I honestly don't see the correlation between credit score and dating myself.

 

I mean having a good credit is obviously a plus, but not having credit isn't that bad either.

For instance, someone who insists on paying using debit/cash and pays for everything (car, house etc) using cash, is just not going to have a good credit score, simply because he has no credit history. Does this mean he's unqualified? Not at all. In fact in my opinion it's a big plus. 

Some people don 't see the need to use credit cards nor take up loans because they simply don't need it, don't want to pay huge amounts in interests and fees, or know they might not be disciplined enough to not get themselves into a sea of debt, so they avoid it.

 

Even if someone had a BK or late payment or CA on his records, that doesn't mean that person is unqualified. If it's just a late payment, maybe he forgot? things happen, and not the first thing that comes to everyone's mind is to pay for that $15 macys credit card bill for the 1 item he bought. Maybe he's an entreprenuer, and his first startup didn't work out so well that resulted in a BK, but he's doing well again now. Who knows.

 

And of course, there's always those with bad history because they screwed up their finances at one point in their lives. Maybe they didn't know better back then? I would put myself in this category. I didn't know a $0.92 late payment was going to drop my credit score into oblivion when I was 18. Of course I learned my lesson the hard way. Some people mature, some don't. Hopefully they do.

 

I think its unfair to write someone off the books just because of a credit score. You really need to find out more about what happened than to just look at the surface :smileytongue: 

 

Irrelevant: I think a criminal history report is probably a lot more necessary

 


 

First thing i did when i met my BF was run his name through a criminal search. Friends thought i was crazy but it was and still is important to me. A criminal background can't be fixed like a credit score can.

 

I was once set up on a blind date with a guy who had attempted homicide and other felony charges in his background. He was great at working and paying bills but I didn't want to be a part of that soap opera lifestyle.

 


Its not the credit score that matters so much to me. I agree that things happen. Things happened to me and I was pushing 50 years of age when those things happened. I didnt know very much about credit at that age either. I just knew pay your bills on time, every time. I didnt know about hard pulls hurting your score, applying for too much credit too fast hurts your credit and I didnt kow your credit score affects so many other things, like insurance costs, etc. I dont think your every day man/woman on the street is all that well informed about credit either. I didnt know anyting about repairing credit and once mine was ruined I assumed it was ruined for at least 10 years because thats what I had always heard. I had always had good credit though because I did pay my bills on time, although I coudlnt have ever told you my credit score at any given time.

Once I had lost everything and I do mean everything, I set about paying off every single debt my ex and I had. I now know I wouldnt neccessarily had to do that in order to get a good credit score again but I did it out of ignorance at the time. I do feel good about having done it now that its behind me. After I had paid everything off I got a secured credit card and then began working on my credit. It was then and only then I found out that it would take me longer to build my credit score due to paying all those debts because they would remain on my credit report longer (since the date of the latest payments) whereas had I not paid them they would have dropped off several years earlier.

 

My point is, its not the credit score that matters to me or the mistakes of the past. Most everyone has made some mistakes in life especially at my age. We've had more years to make them (I'm not just talking about credit mistakes) , lol. What is important to me is what we learned from our mistakes and what steps have we taken to correct ourselves and making sure that mistakes arent a pattern. 

 

I dont mind casually dating someone with bad credit. Its not the first thing I ask anyone about. Its when the relationship begins to possibly become serious that I want to know these things. I had dated the man I have been discussing for about 6 months and he started talking about the possibiility of us living together at some point. It was a long distance relationship and would have required one of us moving which he seemed eager to do even though he lived in a much nicer house than I do and even said we would need a bigger, nicer place if he moved here and thats when I started asking questions. I wasnt in love with him but I enjoyed his company. I told him I wasnt ready to live with anyone but I was willing to discuss it as a possibility sometime in the future. Once I found out he was living far above his means and wasnt the least bit concerned about his situation, it was a big turn off to me. HUGE. I knew from the start he had gone bankrupt during the time the economy went south, he had also gotten a divorce about that time but I assumed he had taken the steps to correct these things. When I found out  he hadnt done a single thing to improve his situation, I was shocked. What mattered most to him was maintaining the apperance of living a certain life style without actually having the means to do so. Thats just not for me. I dont care about keeping up with Joneses or what the Joneses think of me. I dont need to carry chanel handbags although I do have two because he gave me two as gifts. I thought those were great at the time but I later figured out he wanted me to carry chanel or birken handbags because thats what his circle of friends expected. He probably couldnt scrape up enough for a birkin or no doubt he'd have bought me one just to impress his friends, lol. People who think those are the important things in life just arent my kind of people.

 

I met him on the internet as well. I didnt run a background check but in the future I might. I think thats a great idea. Thankfully, he wasnt a criminal but you cant ever be to safe. I dont regret having dated him--we shared some fun times but he just wasnt for me in the long run.








Closed on home Jan 30, 2013. Yay!

Capital One (secured) $1000.00 | Capital One (former Orchard Bank) $500.00 | First Premier $500.00 | Credit One Bank $750.00 | Wal-Mart $3550.00 | Citi Thank You Preferred $6,800.00 | Discover It $4,800.00 | AMEX BCE $4,500.00
Valued Contributor
my-own-fico
Posts: 1,237
Registered: ‎01-05-2010
0

Re: Credit Score and Dating....


1_2 wrote:

 

I dont mind casually dating someone with bad credit.


 

I don't mind either ... unless of course dw objects, lol.

 

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Established Contributor
MT936
Posts: 658
Registered: ‎06-28-2014
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....

No it is not wrong I would feel the same way. I would want the person I'm spending the rest of my life with to have good credit it shows they are responsible with money 


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New Contributor
MrCrabs
Posts: 138
Registered: ‎06-23-2014
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....

[ Edited ]

Valid points on both sides of the arguement, While I would never ask for a credit score upfront on a first date or anytime unless it's getting serious, I do think I would keep in mind whether they handled their money well or not. For example, one girl I was hanging out with and thinking of dating had all kinds of financial problems after being divorced from her car payments, to food, utilities, rent, etc I cut some slack because she was a single mother out of a divorce, but I just seen her not taking care of herself financially. Always ordering out, getting massages, getting manicures, etc I didn't even need to look at her score to see what she was all about so I ended that promptly. I don't mind someone being in a pinch but it just seemed like she had a wine taste on a beer budget and just wanted to act more wealthy than she really was and I was not about to dump money into that to keep up some false image even though I always have a soft spot for the kiddos and her kid grew on me, I knew it wouldn't work out for either of us, So I had to end it.

 

My current g/f has an okay score(slightly better than mine), but she has never asked me for a dime in regards to paying her bills or anything of that sort. Lives within her means, etc and I get that vibe from her without ever asking for her score. For the guys out there, a lot of women who are cranky is usually do to financial troubles I noticed and very rarely anything else. So keep in mind if she always seems on edge or umm we"ll say "witchy" all the time, it may be a sign of financial woes. Doesn't mean dismiss her outright, but keep in mind that is a relationship you will have to "invest" in if you know what I mean. Sure it is similar for guys too but it seems  we're more likely to overspend to keep up the facade.

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Established Member
Drash
Posts: 11
Registered: ‎07-14-2012
0

Re: Credit Score and Dating....

Thats so true, bad credit is a nightmare i almost went homless since no one would rent to me ,cleaned my stuff up afer joining the forum now i can't let anyone near my credit for i have been screwed before even my cat!

drash

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