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Regular Contributor
Johnny_Favorite
Posts: 266
Registered: ‎09-05-2012
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....

[ Edited ]

To me judging somebody by their past mistakes is incredibly shallow. What matters is what the person is doing now. When I met my wife ten years ago she told me she had a legal issue previously. Sure I could have said "oh my god this person is an irresponsible donkey." But no. I could see how it affected her and that she really wanted to change. We grew together.

Everyone has encountered some kind of hardship in life either based on a mistake or problem. If you're the kind of person who would bolt out the door before even knowing the whys...then you're the kind of person who would bolt at any kind of adversity in life. I wouldn't want to be with a woman who would leave me at the first sign of trouble.

If the guy lost his job would you stand by him? How about if he got testicular cancer? To me what matters most in a marriage is not fico scores but the willingness to deal and triumph through adversity, problems, obstacles. For me, a woman who wants no obstacles is a woman living in fantasyland.

Enjoy your end of days alone with your cat.




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HenryJumbo
Posts: 136
Registered: ‎07-21-2012
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....

Personally I advise men to inquire about their potential mates finances too. With more females in college, and single motherhood reaching record numbers, the chances of running into a one of these types is pretty high.

 

Nothing against single mothers, but raising a child and working full time, and going to school, makes you either, a bad mother, a bad employee, a subpar student or a combination of these (of course not saying this about EVERY woman).

 

Also avoid the “I want to be a lawyer” but have the grades to get into Hamburger University types. They tend to have HIGH student loan debt and poor credit scores.

 

 

 

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Revelate
Posts: 9,486
Registered: ‎12-30-2011
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....

[ Edited ]

HenryJumbo wrote:

Personally I advise men to inquire about their potential mates finances too. With more females in college, and single motherhood reaching record numbers, the chances of running into a one of these types is pretty high.

 

Nothing against single mothers, but raising a child and working full time, and going to school, makes you either, a bad mother, a bad employee, a subpar student or a combination of these (of course not saying this about EVERY woman).

 

Also avoid the “I want to be a lawyer” but have the grades to get into Hamburger University types. They tend to have HIGH student loan debt and poor credit scores.

 

 

 


Seriously dude, unless that was tongue in cheek or I just misread it, I just don't follow that line of reasoning.  There's a pretty good chance that someone who is juggling all that, is way better put together than I am.  Also there are single mothers (and single fathers) who are such through no fault of their own.   Modern society is complicated.

 

Regardless back on topic, I'm on the flip side of this debate to the point I'm actually embarrassed by my credit report and am sitting on the dating sidelines till my tax lien is resolved even if I somewhat know rationally that's a mistake.  I certainly can't fault anyone wishing to make their finances secure, and while a credit score isn't the entire story, a pattern of irresponsible behavior is definitely a red flag from my viewpoint.  Not sure how I can own a house, in a good school district, and afford the spending habit most people seem to have around here in SoCal.  If I do find someone, we're going to have to be on the same page with regards to finances.

 

Waving a hand and wishing it will all work out is just blind silliness.  Credit reports are a fact of life, sad as it is, if a future date ever asks me about mine, I will simply ask them which bureau they wish to see.

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Established Contributor
Simply827
Posts: 711
Registered: ‎10-15-2012
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....


Shogun wrote:

I've seen websites for dating.  Cougars, christians, even farmers, etc.  Guess I could be a moderator on a new dating site.

 

myFICO matchup.  A place for people to meet their financial mates!

 

hmm,,  might have something there. 


Sorry Shogun but sites like that already exist. Eg, creditscoredating.com and datemycreditscore.com

 

Nothing stopping you from throwing your hat in the ring though!


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Established Contributor
Simply827
Posts: 711
Registered: ‎10-15-2012
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....

While FICO score matters, I think current behavior is more indicative of how things will work out. I'm currently dating and looking for a serious partner and this is an important factor that I will have to take into account. I've made past mistakes and had hard times and ruined my credit, but I'm working hard to turn all of that around so that I can be healthy financially. I would understand if a potential mate experienced similar past problems, but he must be trying to improve as well. I can't date someone who doesn't care about their finances, spends frivolously, and has no future financial goals. I'm already dealing with an extremely irresponsible parent and that in itself is very stressing.

 

I'm also moreso afraid of how my 75K in SL debt would scare someone off. :smileyembarrassed:


Starting Score: 515
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Regular Contributor
Johnny_Favorite
Posts: 266
Registered: ‎09-05-2012
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....

[ Edited ]

Simply827 wrote:

While FICO score matters, I think current behavior is more indicative of how things will work out. I'm currently dating and looking for a serious partner and this is an important factor that I will have to take into account. I've made past mistakes and had hard times and ruined my credit, but I'm working hard to turn all of that around so that I can be healthy financially. I would understand if a potential mate experienced similar past problems, but he must be trying to improve as well. I can't date someone who doesn't care about their finances, spends frivolously, and has no future financial goals. I'm already dealing with an extremely irresponsible parent and that in itself is very stressing.

 

I'm also moreso afraid of how my 75K in SL debt would scare someone off. :smileyembarrassed:


I know most people will totally disagree but from my side of the fence. If I were in love with you and you were the one for me, we would tackle that student loan together and pay it off faster. Your problems are my problems and with you by my side there's nothing we can't accomplish. That would be my line of thinking.

It's sad that people enter into marriages and such with the whole, "That debt was yours before you met me" kind of mentality. Do I think it should be disclosed? Yes. I believe that two people should disclose all their financial woes and triumphs from the get go, so that there are no surprises down the line. "Oh surprise, we owe 100,000 because I never paid child support" would be unacceptable.

 

I personally don't mind that much if people judge for their finances if that's all they care about. I just personally think there are more important things to a relationshp than a score. I see credit score dating as kind of sad. But again, this is just one mans opinion and most will probably disagree.

 

I know a woman who is married and like 80k in student loan debt. Her husband does nothing to help her pay down her debt. He got an inheritance and he used all of the 100k to buy a Harley and other assorted goods. She has cried a couple times because she's so in over her head with no end in sight. I'm not saying he should bail her out for her mistakes, but if they are a team, they should be working together.




Established Contributor
Simply827
Posts: 711
Registered: ‎10-15-2012
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....


Johnny_Favorite wrote:

Simply827 wrote:

While FICO score matters, I think current behavior is more indicative of how things will work out. I'm currently dating and looking for a serious partner and this is an important factor that I will have to take into account. I've made past mistakes and had hard times and ruined my credit, but I'm working hard to turn all of that around so that I can be healthy financially. I would understand if a potential mate experienced similar past problems, but he must be trying to improve as well. I can't date someone who doesn't care about their finances, spends frivolously, and has no future financial goals. I'm already dealing with an extremely irresponsible parent and that in itself is very stressing.

 

I'm also moreso afraid of how my 75K in SL debt would scare someone off. :smileyembarrassed:


I know most people will totally disagree but from my side of the fence. If I were in love with you and you were the one for me, we would tackle that student loan together and pay it off faster. Your problems are my problems and with you by my side there's nothing we can't accomplish. That would be my line of thinking.

It's sad that people enter into marriages and such with the whole, "That debt was yours before you met me" kind of mentality. Do I think it should be disclosed? Yes. I believe that two people should disclose all their financial woes and triumphs from the get go, so that there are no surprises down the line. "Oh surprise, we owe 100,000 because I never paid child support" would be unacceptable.

 

I personally don't mind that much if people judge for their finances if that's all they care about. I just personally think there are more important things to a relationshp than a score. I see credit score dating as kind of sad. But again, this is just one mans opinion and most will probably disagree.

 

I know a woman who is married and like 80k in student loan debt. Her husband does nothing to help her pay down her debt. He got an inheritance and he used all of the 100k to buy a Harley and other assorted goods. She has cried a couple times because she's so in over her head with no end in sight. I'm not saying he should bail her out for her mistakes, but if they are a team, they should be working together.


Thanks Johnny. Hopefully my future mate will have a similar mindset.

 

IMO that guy who bought the Harley instead of helping tackle his wife's debt is a bit selfish. How are you guys ever supposed to meet any goals down the road? Apparently he must not be terribly concerned about it.


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Valued Contributor
dodfire
Posts: 1,453
Registered: ‎04-14-2012
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....

+1

This is what I had been saying all day!!!!

Relationships based on FICO scores....really??? lol

I do not think that ANY credit limit is worth true love!!

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Valued Contributor
Gunnar419
Posts: 1,158
Registered: ‎01-23-2013
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Re: Credit Score and Dating....

[ Edited ]

Johnny_Favorite wrote:

I know most people will totally disagree but from my side of the fence. If I were in love with you and you were the one for me, we would tackle that student loan together and pay it off faster. Your problems are my problems and with you by my side there's nothing we can't accomplish. That would be my line of thinking.

It's sad that people enter into marriages and such with the whole, "That debt was yours before you met me" kind of mentality. Do I think it should be disclosed? Yes. I believe that two people should disclose all their financial woes and triumphs from the get go, so that there are no surprises down the line. "Oh surprise, we owe 100,000 because I never paid child support" would be unacceptable. ...

 

I know a woman who is married and like 80k in student loan debt. Her husband does nothing to help her pay down her debt. He got an inheritance and he used all of the 100k to buy a Harley and other assorted goods. She has cried a couple times because she's so in over her head with no end in sight. I'm not saying he should bail her out for her mistakes, but if they are a team, they should be working together.


I think that's a noble attitude, Johnny_Favorite. And I agree that the guy with the Harley sounds like a selfish jerk.

 

But I also think there's a big danger in marrying or merging finances with someone who's irresponsible or who even has a vastly different view of money. After all, the person with the bad debts might turn out to be a user who'll take advantage of your goodness by saying, "What's yours is mine" -- and proceeding to run your finances into the ground.

 

While I wouldn't probe for somebody's credit score on a first date (!) and wouldn't reject somebody out of hand for bad credit, bad credit would certainly send up red flags about other possible behaviors. I'd want to know what happened and more important what the person was already doing about it.

 

I think there are also just basic personal compatibility issues involved, too. I was the product of a "mixed marriage" between parents who had extremely different views on money and credit and I wouldn't wish that on anybody.

 

Contributor
kwinks
Posts: 78
Registered: ‎07-15-2012
0

Re: Credit Score and Dating....

[ Edited ]

I know a lot of people probably took my post as gold digger type but I'm not I swear. It's just happens all the time, especially at my age ( almost 21) but dating guys in the mid to upper 20s, I want someone stable, not rich, just stable. So I date this guy for a while and then we start talking about credit cards etc. and then they drop the bomb. There score is low and they're in tons of credit card debt, and then I start to notice things. Like how they will buy me really nice gifts or always go to the fanciest restaurants and buy the most expensive drinks, and I just think to myself, this guy is in debt what in the world is he doing buying things like this. 

 

So this is exactly what happened to the guy I went out with last night, and I understand that being in debt doesn't mean you can't indulge every once in a while but every date we've been on has been more expensive than the last, so the second he said he has bad credit and that all his cards are maxed out.....well that was my queu :smileyhappy:

 

also, I got really worried when he saw the check and then looked in his wallet, like trying to remember which card would be most likely to cover the bill. I offered to pay because he genuinely looked worried :/ 

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