Credit Score and Dating....

[kfyoung]

Im in the original posters situation also. I am a 21 year old female, with a 5 year old, works full time, and goes to school. So even though I am commenting after 8 pages thought might as well.

I have decent credit, with limited experience that after much thought and creeping around here have recently decided to take out more cards and try to beef it up and was recently preapproved for a mortgagee and am currently house hunting.

After learning so much from being on this forum and seeing others in my life make horrible credit mistakes I completely agree with the poster that credit is an important factor into who I am looking to date. The score is not so much important but their history. Just recent I was casually dating someone who's debt was ran up by an ex who had control of his money but never paid on time and was not responsible. Yes it was his fault for letting it get out of hand, but also hers. He said he wants to pay it off and work towards a better score. That situation is fine by me and as long as youre taking the right steps to fix your errors then I have no problem. But now he is coming into some money from an accident and plays on using that money to buy a new truck and bike. That was a HUGE red flag to me, I asked him why don't you use it to pay off that debt, he said because it wasnt his fault and he was not going to deal with it right now. That shows to me he does not care, is not financially responsible, and cant handle this money properly. This is a huge deal breaker for me, because I need someone in my life who is focus on goals and has the same financial ideas as I do. If I am going to be with someone I want them to be a support system, not be in my ear saying it doesnt matter or that can be paid off later.

So to the orginail poster, hope you enjoyed my rant and your date would be good bye, do not pass go, for me also.

[bdhu2001]

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@1_2 wrote:

I'm older than most here I assume. 57 ugh!. I had to rebuild my credit all by myself after my ex caused us to lose everything we ever worked for by becoming a raging alcoholic. I ended up homeless. 

I've worked very hard to become a home owner again and have excellent credit. Its very important to me. Life with bad credit was horrible. I had a terrible time even getting someone to rent to me and I dont blame them. 

At any rate, I was seeing a man last year who I liked. He was well educated, had a good job, we had a lot of common interests. He told me he had lost his home when the economy crashed and also had gotten divorced around that time. He lives in a much nicer home than mine and drives a BMW.  I assumed he owned his home so I asked him about how he repaired his credit. He said he didnt, he was renting from a relative and was leasing his car in his son's name. He further said, he didnt care about his credit and hadnt done a thing to repair it. 

I dunno...it just really turned me off and I stopped seeing him. I would drive an old beater and live in a trailer to repay my debts and rebuild my credit...I can say that because I did it. I did without a great many things to get myself back on track. In my mind  he was just putting on a show with no regards to actually repairing his mistakes or taking responsibilty for them. 

Maybe I am shallow but it seriously was the reason I stopped seeing him . 

---

Good call.  A lot of people like to front or keep up with the Jones.  It's not worth it and the financial crash should have taught all of us to make better decisions and use credit wisely.  

For those who say it's materialistic, you're wrong. We're talking about how someone handles their finances, not how much money they have.  In addition, remember 50% of marriages end up in divorce.  An irresponsible person is an irresponsible person.  Someone who has bad credit and doesn't appear to be taking steps to fix it, is a red light.

Having had my credit adversely affected by co-signing for kids and spouse, I won't go through that again and I advise others to consider those things while you're in the begining dating stage.  I'm fortunate enough to have a spouse that makes up for mistakes, but everyone isn't that fortunate and nothing can be done about co-signing for my kid. 

Congrats on knowing early and taking steps to keep your financial future in tact.

[northface28]

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@kwinks wrote:

I know a lot of people probably took my post as gold digger type but I'm not I swear. It's just happens all the time, especially at my age ( almost 21) but dating guys in the mid to upper 20s, I want someone stable, not rich, just stable. So I date this guy for a while and then we start talking about credit cards etc. and then they drop the bomb. There score is low and they're in tons of credit card debt, and then I start to notice things. Like how they will buy me really nice gifts or always go to the fanciest restaurants and buy the most expensive drinks, and I just think to myself, this guy is in debt what in the world is he doing buying things like this. 

So this is exactly what happened to the guy I went out with last night, and I understand that being in debt doesn't mean you can't indulge every once in a while but every date we've been on has been more expensive than the last, so the second he said he has bad credit and that all his cards are maxed out.....well that was my queu

also, I got really worried when he saw the check and then looked in his wallet, like trying to remember which card would be most likely to cover the bill. I offered to pay because he genuinely looked worried :/

Well, you are probably going to these fancy restaurants because you will most likely complain if you go to a restaurant "beneath" your standards. Then itll be "I cant believe he took me to Fridays, he must have bad credit and this is all he can afford, I cant wait to go home and take off my heels".

[1_2]

I don't think you sound like a gold digger at all. I think you sound like a very intelligent young lady who knows what she likes and she expects. There is nothing wrong with that. So many people of all ages get into relationships without considering one of the most important elements--money. 

[Gale1]

I do not think it is too strange to be honest with you – it is something that you are passionate about (otherwise you would not be here right?) so why should that not be an important factor in trying to find someone to date? While relationships are not business, I do not think that this is a strange factor to consider when dating. 

[wmweeza]

My story, just to add to the discussion:

I was like many people stupid with my money and credit when I was young. Though I didn't rack up a ton of bills and only had a few credit cards, a whole bunch of small bills piled up. I had no ability to pay. I was in a motorcycle wreck, a car pulled out in front of us and we almost made it around the car, but my leg caught the trunk...it wasn't pretty, but I digress...back to credit now.   It only got worse when I dated someone with even worse credit then I had, everything went to collections for the few years we were together. I ended up paying a few bills on what meager income I had, and shut off my phone and ignored my mail for years. Yes, I just tuned it all out and went about my business. I only had one collection really come after me, I'm amazed at that.

Fast forward to when I had a decent job,I finally got a phone again and started gradually paying what bills i knew I owed, my situation wasn't fantastic but I was handling things as an adult should and paying back my debts and doing okay, but living with no credit. I have no idea what my credit score was at all during this time frame (96-2001).

When I met my now husband and we eventually decided to move in together we had the big credit talk, and as embarrassing as it was I laid everything on the table as to what I thought I owed and why. We decided on a plan of action: get together all the bills, get all my credit reports and tackle each one and pay as we went. Little by little items were paid and then we'd follow up and ask for deletion. It wasn't a quick process by any means, and we lived on a strict budget. I had exactly $100 spending money a month, if I couldn't buy what I wanted with that then I'd have to save up.

Gradually I had a clear report and a clean name but still no credit so in 2011 I applied for my first card, secured of course. I treated that like it was my credit baby and in 2012 it unsecured. I was such a credit novice that when they sent me the funds back in my account from the deposit  I panicked and called them to make sure there wasn't an error and I somehow ended up with someone else's money.

Now I have 3 cards, free and clear, my credit report is clean as a whistle and shockingly as of 3 months ago my credit score was 804 from myFico Experian.

The key to all of this is from the second I met my  husband is that I was upfront and honest with him. Every two weeks we still sit down together and go over the bills and our statements and show eachother our bank balances, not because we don't trust eachother but quite the opposite; because we trust eachother so much that we want to be completely transparent. Do we monitor eachothers purchases? Nope, I can buy anything I want as can my husband, as long as it's in the budget. The only exception to this rule is that I hide anything that would reveal his B-day, anniversary and Christmas gifts, but I still show him my balances.

It works for us to be transparent, I can't imagine going back to how my life was before, hoping things were paid and hoping my spouse would tell me the truth. Now I Have great credit and a good life and part of that is making tough choices to start with, but in the long run it has earned me the freedom I have today.

To the OP, if my husband had clearly maxed out his cards and was living paycheck to paycheck, I might date him, but never in a million years would I have moved in with him. Even before I met him I was at least paying down my own debts and living within my means, why add stress to my life wondering if my spouse can help with the house payment or worry his car is going to be repossed? Managing money show you value yourself and others and want to plan for a future beyond the next month.

[wmweeza]

---

You date a gorgeous, sexy woman, or a handsome, nice butt man... have an accident and over night looks change, do you dump them? Divorce them?

You date a woman or man with a 800 credit score... some emergency happens and have to pay an outrageous medical bill and credit drops cause they cant afford the bill, do you dump them? Divorce them?

You date a healthy gorgeous, sexy woman, or handsome man... then one day in a normal check up they find out they have cancer, do you dump them? divorce them?

I guess the shallow ones who feel they are perfect, would actually run for the hills.

True love will always come from within, and is very hard to find. Money cant buy love, it can only buy a little easier way of life for some, and some will never have enough.

Time to actually wake up and smell the roses, life will never be perfect.

It can only be as perfect as you make it to be, whether it is on your own or with a partner.

Either way I personally wish you all to find exactly what you wish for, just no crying after you get that wish and doesnt turn out to be what you expected.

---

I met my husband in a grief support group after his wife passed away and I lost my fiance. We both understood from the second we met that love and life were precious and that being honest would only help us as we moved forward. I think that's part of why we are so transparent on finances.

I am not the OP, but I would never judge someone for the circumstances you describe. My concern would be dating people who live maxed out, who don't care and if it affects you it doesn't bother them.

Life isn't perfect at all, but it can be pretty sweet, I got to start over with a great guy and will be celebrating our 8th anniversary in 2 weeks. I'm glad we are so honest about finances because if a horrible circumstance did hit us we know that together we could weather it. If he lost his job or I was injured in an accident we know that our spouse will help us pick up the pieces.

[notfancy]

---

@wmweeza wrote:

My story, just to add to the discussion:

I was like many people stupid with my money and credit when I was young. Though I didn't rack up a ton of bills and only had a few credit cards, a whole bunch of small bills piled up. I had no ability to pay. I was in a motorcycle wreck, a car pulled out in front of us and we almost made it around the car, but my leg caught the trunk...it wasn't pretty, but I digress...back to credit now.   It only got worse when I dated someone with even worse credit then I had, everything went to collections for the few years we were together. I ended up paying a few bills on what meager income I had, and shut off my phone and ignored my mail for years. Yes, I just tuned it all out and went about my business. I only had one collection really come after me, I'm amazed at that.

Fast forward to when I had a decent job,I finally got a phone again and started gradually paying what bills i knew I owed, my situation wasn't fantastic but I was handling things as an adult should and paying back my debts and doing okay, but living with no credit. I have no idea what my credit score was at all during this time frame (96-2001).

When I met my now husband and we eventually decided to move in together we had the big credit talk, and as embarrassing as it was I laid everything on the table as to what I thought I owed and why. We decided on a plan of action: get together all the bills, get all my credit reports and tackle each one and pay as we went. Little by little items were paid and then we'd follow up and ask for deletion. It wasn't a quick process by any means, and we lived on a strict budget. I had exactly $100 spending money a month, if I couldn't buy what I wanted with that then I'd have to save up.

Gradually I had a clear report and a clean name but still no credit so in 2011 I applied for my first card, secured of course. I treated that like it was my credit baby and in 2012 it unsecured. I was such a credit novice that when they sent me the funds back in my account from the deposit  I panicked and called them to make sure there wasn't an error and I somehow ended up with someone else's money.

Now I have 3 cards, free and clear, my credit report is clean as a whistle and shockingly as of 3 months ago my credit score was 804 from myFico Experian.

The key to all of this is from the second I met my  husband is that I was upfront and honest with him. Every two weeks we still sit down together and go over the bills and our statements and show eachother our bank balances, not because we don't trust eachother but quite the opposite; because we trust eachother so much that we want to be completely transparent. Do we monitor eachothers purchases? Nope, I can buy anything I want as can my husband, as long as it's in the budget. The only exception to this rule is that I hide anything that would reveal his B-day, anniversary and Christmas gifts, but I still show him my balances.

It works for us to be transparent, I can't imagine going back to how my life was before, hoping things were paid and hoping my spouse would tell me the truth. Now I Have great credit and a good life and part of that is making tough choices to start with, but in the long run it has earned me the freedom I have today.

To the OP, if my husband had clearly maxed out his cards and was living paycheck to paycheck, I might date him, but never in a million years would I have moved in with him. Even before I met him I was at least paying down my own debts and living within my means, why add stress to my life wondering if my spouse can help with the house payment or worry his car is going to be repossed? Managing money show you value yourself and others and want to plan for a future beyond the next month.

---

This is an inspiring post, and how relationships should be. Good credit or bad, the willingness to be open, honest and to work together to achieve is more important than just the "good" and "bad". Also the desire to face things head on... that takes a lot of courage, and I can't imagine how embarrassed, uncomfortable or overwhelmed you might have felt, but it is wonderful that you were able to work through that, side by side with your husband and turn things around. Kudos to you!

[notfancy]

---

@wmweeza wrote:

---

You date a gorgeous, sexy woman, or a handsome, nice butt man... have an accident and over night looks change, do you dump them? Divorce them?

You date a woman or man with a 800 credit score... some emergency happens and have to pay an outrageous medical bill and credit drops cause they cant afford the bill, do you dump them? Divorce them?

You date a healthy gorgeous, sexy woman, or handsome man... then one day in a normal check up they find out they have cancer, do you dump them? divorce them?

I guess the shallow ones who feel they are perfect, would actually run for the hills.

True love will always come from within, and is very hard to find. Money cant buy love, it can only buy a little easier way of life for some, and some will never have enough.

Time to actually wake up and smell the roses, life will never be perfect.

It can only be as perfect as you make it to be, whether it is on your own or with a partner.

Either way I personally wish you all to find exactly what you wish for, just no crying after you get that wish and doesnt turn out to be what you expected.

---

I met my husband in a grief support group after his wife passed away and I lost my fiance. We both understood from the second we met that love and life were precious and that being honest would only help us as we moved forward. I think that's part of why we are so transparent on finances.

I am not the OP, but I would never judge someone for the circumstances you describe. My concern would be dating people who live maxed out, who don't care and if it affects you it doesn't bother them.

Life isn't perfect at all, but it can be pretty sweet, I got to start over with a great guy and will be celebrating our 8th anniversary in 2 weeks. I'm glad we are so honest about finances because if a horrible circumstance did hit us we know that together we could weather it. If he lost his job or I was injured in an accident we know that our spouse will help us pick up the pieces.

---

life... is very short. The unexpected curve balls can change everything in an instant. Congratulations to you, on your ability to bounce back from a  horrific loss and move to something new and positive.

[1_2]

---

@notfancy wrote:

---

@wmweeza wrote:

My story, just to add to the discussion:

I was like many people stupid with my money and credit when I was young. Though I didn't rack up a ton of bills and only had a few credit cards, a whole bunch of small bills piled up. I had no ability to pay. I was in a motorcycle wreck, a car pulled out in front of us and we almost made it around the car, but my leg caught the trunk...it wasn't pretty, but I digress...back to credit now.   It only got worse when I dated someone with even worse credit then I had, everything went to collections for the few years we were together. I ended up paying a few bills on what meager income I had, and shut off my phone and ignored my mail for years. Yes, I just tuned it all out and went about my business. I only had one collection really come after me, I'm amazed at that.

Fast forward to when I had a decent job,I finally got a phone again and started gradually paying what bills i knew I owed, my situation wasn't fantastic but I was handling things as an adult should and paying back my debts and doing okay, but living with no credit. I have no idea what my credit score was at all during this time frame (96-2001).

When I met my now husband and we eventually decided to move in together we had the big credit talk, and as embarrassing as it was I laid everything on the table as to what I thought I owed and why. We decided on a plan of action: get together all the bills, get all my credit reports and tackle each one and pay as we went. Little by little items were paid and then we'd follow up and ask for deletion. It wasn't a quick process by any means, and we lived on a strict budget. I had exactly $100 spending money a month, if I couldn't buy what I wanted with that then I'd have to save up.

Gradually I had a clear report and a clean name but still no credit so in 2011 I applied for my first card, secured of course. I treated that like it was my credit baby and in 2012 it unsecured. I was such a credit novice that when they sent me the funds back in my account from the deposit  I panicked and called them to make sure there wasn't an error and I somehow ended up with someone else's money.

Now I have 3 cards, free and clear, my credit report is clean as a whistle and shockingly as of 3 months ago my credit score was 804 from myFico Experian.

The key to all of this is from the second I met my  husband is that I was upfront and honest with him. Every two weeks we still sit down together and go over the bills and our statements and show eachother our bank balances, not because we don't trust eachother but quite the opposite; because we trust eachother so much that we want to be completely transparent. Do we monitor eachothers purchases? Nope, I can buy anything I want as can my husband, as long as it's in the budget. The only exception to this rule is that I hide anything that would reveal his B-day, anniversary and Christmas gifts, but I still show him my balances.

It works for us to be transparent, I can't imagine going back to how my life was before, hoping things were paid and hoping my spouse would tell me the truth. Now I Have great credit and a good life and part of that is making tough choices to start with, but in the long run it has earned me the freedom I have today.

To the OP, if my husband had clearly maxed out his cards and was living paycheck to paycheck, I might date him, but never in a million years would I have moved in with him. Even before I met him I was at least paying down my own debts and living within my means, why add stress to my life wondering if my spouse can help with the house payment or worry his car is going to be repossed? Managing money show you value yourself and others and want to plan for a future beyond the next month.

---

This is an inspiring post, and how relationships should be. Good credit or bad, the willingness to be open, honest and to work together to achieve is more important than just the "good" and "bad". Also the desire to face things head on... that takes a lot of courage, and I can't imagine how embarrassed, uncomfortable or overwhelmed you might have felt, but it is wonderful that you were able to work through that, side by side with your husband and turn things around. Kudos to you!

---

I agree this is a wonderful story. People make mistakes. Its human, especially young but its not limited to young people. I believe we are suppose to learn from our mistakes and this is an excellent example of a person who did learn and moved forward and is now reaping the benefits of having done so. The man I was dating was 59 years old. He had no emergency fund. I think he does have a 401k but after what he went through, you would think he would learn. Even if you really love someone, these things can slowly tear away that love if your views and beliefs are so vastly different. Otherwise money wouldnt be the number one cause of divorce. I think its very important to be honest about any mistakes you may have made and your credit situation.

I am probably a freak about it all. I realize that. I worked two jobs until I could repay my debts and get an 8 month emergency fund established. Now, I still live below my means to save and invest for retirement. I hope to be able to work a good long time but we never know what the future holds. I want to feel secure and I do. I couldnt with someone who thinks driving a BMW is more important that having a savings.