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Established Contributor
Posts: 569
Registered: ‎11-10-2012
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Credit and casino gambling

Any advice on how to handle a compulsive gambler with a new mortgage, one car paid off, and several new credit cards? DH has hidden things from me before, like getting a title loan on our vehicle. The reason I found out is because our son totalled the car and we needed the title. He also got a cash advance today to gamble. He gives me a set amount of money from his weekly paycheck and is free to do whatever he wants with the rest of it, which is about $100/week. I pay his credit cards, which he uses for food and gas. I need him to stay out of trouble, but I don't want to "control" him, either. Anyone been in this situation?

Starting Scores: (4/16/12 lender pull) TU 596 | EX 550 | EQ 576
Mortgage Scores:(7/24/13 lender pull) TU 663 | EX 635 | EQ 649
Current Score (11/7/14): TU 664 | EX 605 (no update) | EQ 661
Goals: Removing a $30 30-day late mark on my CR in November 2014 because I was too nice to a friend. Last app 7/16/14 (auto loan)
*** Homeowner 9/27/13*** All but 2 CCs are in the sock drawer!***
Moderator
Posts: 27,207
Registered: ‎09-13-2012
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Re: Credit and casino gambling

I've never been in this situation but has he tried Gambler's Anonymous? Are the cc's in your name? Are they joint?
Established Contributor
Posts: 569
Registered: ‎11-10-2012
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Re: Credit and casino gambling

He definitely won't go for GA because "he doesn't have a problem." Gambling is his fun. I handle all the finances, so "what's the problem?" Yada yada yada. I didn't have an issue with his gambling until this cash advance. I told him for years that he can do what he wants with his money as long as he gives me what we agreed on every week from his paycheck. He's lied to me before, so the trust isn't all there.

***update*** Just had a long talk, fight rather, with him. He doesn't get it. Yes, we both gamble. We're asian. :smileytongue: But I don't take it so far as to get money I don't have just to play. I can't afford to mess up. He can because he doesn't pay anything. I don't know what to do anymore.

All our accounts are individual. The only joint accounts we have are the mortgage and one car. The car just got paid off. Still waiting for the title. He can't get a title loan without me, right?

Starting Scores: (4/16/12 lender pull) TU 596 | EX 550 | EQ 576
Mortgage Scores:(7/24/13 lender pull) TU 663 | EX 635 | EQ 649
Current Score (11/7/14): TU 664 | EX 605 (no update) | EQ 661
Goals: Removing a $30 30-day late mark on my CR in November 2014 because I was too nice to a friend. Last app 7/16/14 (auto loan)
*** Homeowner 9/27/13*** All but 2 CCs are in the sock drawer!***
Mega Contributor
Posts: 16,711
Registered: ‎08-08-2011
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Re: Credit and casino gambling

He's been controling you. Isn't it time you turned the tables before it destroys both of you. If you value your marriage get help. If he had cancer would you sit back and do nothing. I've been there when you have an addiction like gambling you don't hit bottom you look up at bottom.

Established Contributor
Posts: 569
Registered: ‎11-10-2012
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Re: Credit and casino gambling

Honestly, I know he's been controlling, period. We even separated a while back, partly because of finances. After we reconciled, I took control of the finances. Took a while to recover from the separation, but I did it. I've been handling the finances for 6 years now. Before yesterday, he lied about 2 title loans in 6 years. At least yesterday, he told me upfront that he cash advanced (after the fact). Maybe I'm trying to make excuses for him. He pointed out this morning that there are times that I lose more than we can afford. Yes, I've gone overboard, too, but NEVER will I cash advance for gambling. He also doesn't know that I do have a little money put away. Not much, but now that we have a house, I need to keep emergency funds somewhere, right? So he probably thinks that the account I withdraw from is the only money we have, when in fact, that money is our spending money. I have to hide money because he's a gambler.

I'm the one that applied for his credit cards to improve his credit. He only had a secured Capital One and a Walmart that he was using. When he was approved for Amex last month, I was so proud of myself for fixing his horrendous credit that I applied for more. It was my mistake for giving him the cards. He was approved for 5, I gave him 2. Lesson learned. If he knows nothing about credit, he has no business having credit cards.

If he refuses counseling, what do I do?

Starting Scores: (4/16/12 lender pull) TU 596 | EX 550 | EQ 576
Mortgage Scores:(7/24/13 lender pull) TU 663 | EX 635 | EQ 649
Current Score (11/7/14): TU 664 | EX 605 (no update) | EQ 661
Goals: Removing a $30 30-day late mark on my CR in November 2014 because I was too nice to a friend. Last app 7/16/14 (auto loan)
*** Homeowner 9/27/13*** All but 2 CCs are in the sock drawer!***
Senior Contributor
Posts: 3,889
Registered: ‎05-24-2011
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Re: Credit and casino gambling

I say, give him a gambling allowance and THATS IT. If he continues to lose family money with his choice to gamble (I don't believe any addictive behavior is a disease, it's a choice) then he's out the door.

If you do give an ultimatum, then make sure you stick to your guns.

And if you have minor kids in the home, then you might have to rethink the ultimatum until they are out of the house

Also, start listening to Dr. Laura. She has a podcast for 7 bucks a month, or on Sirius XM.
STARTING: 11/24/10 EQ-584 EXP-648 TU04-595
CLOSED FIRST HOME 8/19/11 EQ-630 EXP-691 TU04-653
CURRENT: EQ-701 EXP-??? TU08-720
Established Contributor
Posts: 569
Registered: ‎11-10-2012
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Re: Credit and casino gambling


Booner72 wrote:
I say, give him a gambling allowance and THATS IT. If he continues to lose family money with his choice to gamble (I don't believe any addictive behavior is a disease, it's a choice) then he's out the door.

If you do give an ultimatum, then make sure you stick to your guns.

And if you have minor kids in the home, then you might have to rethink the ultimatum until they are out of the house

Also, start listening to Dr. Laura. She has a podcast for 7 bucks a month, or on Sirius XM.

So $100 a week is all I want to give him because I want to pay the bills and save as well. Since the cash advance was only last night, I was thinking that when the cc bill is due, he just needs to give me more money. It's not the ideal solution, but it'll give him some freedom. He's the type where the more I hover, the more he lies. So here I go giving him another chance. AGAIN. We do have kids, 1 adult, 1 teen, and 1 not in school yet. The older two have been through a separation already. :smileysad: I actually did give him somewhat of an ultimatum. Next year, our homeowner programs allows for refinancing to remove the monthly mortgage insurance. It requires a minimum score of 680. I told him if he screws it up, he's gone. We need that refi to reduce our mortgage by almost $400/month. If we refi, then maybe he'll get a bigger allowance. :smileyhappy:


Starting Scores: (4/16/12 lender pull) TU 596 | EX 550 | EQ 576
Mortgage Scores:(7/24/13 lender pull) TU 663 | EX 635 | EQ 649
Current Score (11/7/14): TU 664 | EX 605 (no update) | EQ 661
Goals: Removing a $30 30-day late mark on my CR in November 2014 because I was too nice to a friend. Last app 7/16/14 (auto loan)
*** Homeowner 9/27/13*** All but 2 CCs are in the sock drawer!***
Mega Contributor
Posts: 16,711
Registered: ‎08-08-2011
0

Re: Credit and casino gambling

If here refuses counseling what do you do. Take care of yourself and family first. People can say addictions are a choice not a disease. I say walk in there shoes I have. Get counseling, for yourself they are the best source of information for your situation.

Regular Contributor
Posts: 232
Registered: ‎09-26-2013
0

Re: Credit and casino gambling

My DW thinks that since i have improved my credit score that she can spend more lol   Not much by anymeans but she doesnt know what i have gone through the past couple of months to make things better.  I am 44 and have to start preparing better for retirement if i live that long.   With that being said, make sure you take care of yours and  the kids future ! 

 

I agree whole heartedly with Coldnmn, if you cant get him to realize he has a problem and go to counseling, you should go so that you can see deeper into it and be able to handle the problem better.  Also, sometimes if you cant atack the problem directly, approach it from a different angle, ie., financial goal settings>  The key is, you have to get him to buy into it and agree and you may see a little more of a postive outcome.

 

I have never been in those shoes and i do wish you the best with it !

My Sock Drawer: Care Credit $4200-0, JCP 2100-0, Chase 3000-0, Chase Freedom $4500.00-0, WF $1000.00-0.00
In Use: NFCU Visa Sig $17.5k- 0.00k
I still have too MANY CARDS
Starting Score 538
Current Score Oct 30-14 701 fico Eq-- 745 Fico Tu-- 713 Fico Ex
Mega Contributor
Posts: 16,711
Registered: ‎08-08-2011
0

Re: Credit and casino gambling


Ravensfan2001 wrote:
Honestly, I know he's been controlling, period. We even separated a while back, partly because of finances. After we reconciled, I took control of the finances. Took a while to recover from the separation, but I did it. I've been handling the finances for 6 years now. Before yesterday, he lied about 2 title loans in 6 years. At least yesterday, he told me upfront that he cash advanced (after the fact). Maybe I'm trying to make excuses for him. He pointed out this morning that there are times that I lose more than we can afford. Yes, I've gone overboard, too, but NEVER will I cash advance for gambling. He also doesn't know that I do have a little money put away. Not much, but now that we have a house, I need to keep emergency funds somewhere, right? So he probably thinks that the account I withdraw from is the only money we have, when in fact, that money is our spending money. I have to hide money because he's a gambler.

I'm the one that applied for his credit cards to improve his credit. He only had a secured Capital One and a Walmart that he was using. When he was approved for Amex last month, I was so proud of myself for fixing his horrendous credit that I applied for more. It was my mistake for giving him the cards. He was approved for 5, I gave him 2. Lesson learned. If he knows nothing about credit, he has no business having credit cards.

If he refuses counseling, what do I do?
If you really want to save the marrIage I know you don't want to hear this. Do as I say not as I do, isn't really helping .There are other things in this world to take up for relaxation.
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