He's been controling you. Isn't it time you turned the tables before it destroys both of you. If you value your marriage get help. If he had cancer would you sit back and do nothing. I've been there when you have an addiction like gambling you don't hit bottom you look up at bottom.
I say, give him a gambling allowance and THATS IT. If he continues to lose family money with his choice to gamble (I don't believe any addictive behavior is a disease, it's a choice) then he's out the door.
If you do give an ultimatum, then make sure you stick to your guns.
And if you have minor kids in the home, then you might have to rethink the ultimatum until they are out of the house
Also, start listening to Dr. Laura. She has a podcast for 7 bucks a month, or on Sirius XM.
So $100 a week is all I want to give him because I want to pay the bills and save as well. Since the cash advance was only last night, I was thinking that when the cc bill is due, he just needs to give me more money. It's not the ideal solution, but it'll give him some freedom. He's the type where the more I hover, the more he lies. So here I go giving him another chance. AGAIN. We do have kids, 1 adult, 1 teen, and 1 not in school yet. The older two have been through a separation already. I actually did give him somewhat of an ultimatum. Next year, our homeowner programs allows for refinancing to remove the monthly mortgage insurance. It requires a minimum score of 680. I told him if he screws it up, he's gone. We need that refi to reduce our mortgage by almost $400/month. If we refi, then maybe he'll get a bigger allowance.
If here refuses counseling what do you do. Take care of yourself and family first. People can say addictions are a choice not a disease. I say walk in there shoes I have. Get counseling, for yourself they are the best source of information for your situation.
My DW thinks that since i have improved my credit score that she can spend more lol Not much by anymeans but she doesnt know what i have gone through the past couple of months to make things better. I am 44 and have to start preparing better for retirement if i live that long. With that being said, make sure you take care of yours and the kids future !
I agree whole heartedly with Coldnmn, if you cant get him to realize he has a problem and go to counseling, you should go so that you can see deeper into it and be able to handle the problem better. Also, sometimes if you cant atack the problem directly, approach it from a different angle, ie., financial goal settings> The key is, you have to get him to buy into it and agree and you may see a little more of a postive outcome.
I have never been in those shoes and i do wish you the best with it !
Honestly, I know he's been controlling, period. We even separated a while back, partly because of finances. After we reconciled, I took control of the finances. Took a while to recover from the separation, but I did it. I've been handling the finances for 6 years now. Before yesterday, he lied about 2 title loans in 6 years. At least yesterday, he told me upfront that he cash advanced (after the fact). Maybe I'm trying to make excuses for him. He pointed out this morning that there are times that I lose more than we can afford. Yes, I've gone overboard, too, but NEVER will I cash advance for gambling. He also doesn't know that I do have a little money put away. Not much, but now that we have a house, I need to keep emergency funds somewhere, right? So he probably thinks that the account I withdraw from is the only money we have, when in fact, that money is our spending money. I have to hide money because he's a gambler.
I'm the one that applied for his credit cards to improve his credit. He only had a secured Capital One and a Walmart that he was using. When he was approved for Amex last month, I was so proud of myself for fixing his horrendous credit that I applied for more. It was my mistake for giving him the cards. He was approved for 5, I gave him 2. Lesson learned. If he knows nothing about credit, he has no business having credit cards.
If he refuses counseling, what do I do?
If you really want to save the marrIage I know you don't want to hear this. Do as I say not as I do, isn't really helping .There are other things in this world to take up for relaxation.