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Senior Contributor
drkaje
Posts: 3,482
Registered: ‎07-25-2008

Re: Dating someone with some serious financial issues

FWIW,

 

I started out with messed-up credit and pulled things together.


Starting Score: 675
Current Score: EX ? FICO, EQ 708 FICO
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Frequent Contributor
MarcinXP
Posts: 302
Registered: ‎09-06-2011

Re: Dating someone with some serious financial issues

Same here,

 

If you love him don't give up on him and sit down and have a real conversation with him. I was actually older almost 29 when I met someone and really loved her but hit rock bottom in terms of credit and started to be ashamed of it. Was at 491 FICO FROM EQ with bunch of charge offs, CAs (luckily it was 4+ years old) and living on cash making about $80k..came to this forum, started reading and got $300 Credit One and $200 Secured Applied Bank. I'll skip a lot of in between, but today almost 2 years later..cleaned up my credit really good, paid off debt which I actually feel good about (Felt sucky when paying it to people but it was Pay for Delete) and now I'm sitting at 709 with Chase Freedom, Discover IT, Citi Simplicity, AMEX and few others....less than 5% utilization and the only reason my score is low is because according to FICO I have a lot of new credit in short time, not a long history and lot of inquires. As I garden and won't be applying for anything anymore this will go up. Bottom line it's never too late and if you start talking about marriage, home, good car loans, etc...he is going to have to sit down, read this forum and make changes...but only if he is willing to do it.

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Established Member
dzemboc77
Posts: 76
Registered: ‎10-12-2012

Re: Dating someone with some serious financial issues

I was once like that, when I was in my ealry 20's and first recieving credit ect, My g/f at the time and now wife was not very good with money. She should have put her foot down on some of my purchases like a street bike. I started to live beyond my means and it caught up to me. Ended up defaulting on a few loans and cards. You can make 100k a year it really doesn't matter, if you can't save money and you have poor credit your in for a rough time. My first car after the incident was 25% intrest rate. I can say I'm almost down to single digits now after working on building my credit. My then g/f and now wife has horrible financial budgeting skills and is why I now manage all the money.  It stinks, but I love her and this way it allows us to save money. If she was good with money it might have saved me back 6 years ago when I bought some dumb things but I blame that on myself as well for being irrisponsible.  If the person is willing to work with you on credit/$$ issues you can work things out, if they don't want to change habitts then you might want to look back in the pond for some new fish. My life would have been a lot easier and we would have saved a lot more by now if our credit was good from the start.

Established Member
Weimmutti
Posts: 18
Registered: ‎08-11-2012

Re: Dating someone with some serious financial issues

When you marry him do you think he would take care of things better. We always believe we can make a man better than he is. My suggestion to you. I know you heart is in it but allow your head to rule. RUN! There are better fish in the sea. I hear that your irritated. Just imagine how he could destroy your financial future.

New Member
ADA1981
Posts: 2
Registered: ‎05-29-2013

Re: Dating someone with some serious financial issues

If the relationship is important to you, talk to him about it and let him know you don't feel safe with his behavior. Ask him if he's open to working on it. Part of our obligation as a partner is to be love our partners unconditionally in the moment, but to also see the next step they can make in their development and help them strive for that. It's a tricky game, you have to hold your heart open and love him where he is but also help show him another way out.

 

 

Member
annalog
Posts: 46
Registered: ‎05-04-2011

Re: Dating someone with some serious financial issues

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.

Unfortunately, as a general rule, the better looking they are, the worse their FICO score is!   hahahahaha

EX=800, EQ=814, TU=946
Regular Contributor
tammyjk
Posts: 160
Registered: ‎02-17-2011

Re: Dating someone with some serious financial issues

My now husband was very irresponsible when it came to credit.  Student loans charged off, back child support issues and so on.  Over time, we discussed goals and how we would get there.  My credit wasnt exactly stellar either because of the death of my ex, but still very mendable.  As I worked on mine, my then fiance saw the progress I made and decided to get his act together.  I actually got a credit card and put him on it.  Mind you, I kept the credit limit very very low and he had to make the payments.  I checked it every month to make sure and we even had a few fights over him missing a payment.  Since I checked them each month, I made the payment so it wasnt late.  Then we tackled his child support and then his student loan.  Each time, I made sure he was resposible for making the payments, catching the ones he didnt.  Now married, he gives me his paycheck to deposit in our joint account and he is still responsible for making his own payments.  Most of them are on auto pay so he doesnt have issues. 

 

Ive recently been approved on a mortgage just in my name and he sees what I have accomplished.  I think that was the biggest wake up call for him.  I told him from the start that we will never have credit together unless he cleans up his act.  Right now he is working on bringing up his score which should take a big jump because his student loans are done being rehabbed. 

 

So, it is possible for someone to change BUT you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink.  I learned after 3 years that I couldnt babysit him by paying his bills for him and nagging him to do it.  He had to want it first and only then did I agree to help him. 

March 2011 FICO® ~ 595 TU, 605 EQ, 525 EX
Aug 2012 Lender pulls: 702 TU, 667 EQ, 660 EX
Established Contributor
mt2va
Posts: 530
Registered: ‎03-20-2009

Re: Dating someone with some serious financial issues

My advice is to run very far away.  When my soon to be ex husband and I first got together we were young and my parents had started me out right about how to establish credit and handle my finances.  However, his had not and soon after we were together he started into what would pretty much be our next 20 years together of him working a job for a couple months and quitting or getting fired to finally not working at all.  Then the drinking and abuse got worse but that's a different story.  We were together 3 years before I was dumb enough to marry him and for our wedding present my parents paid for us to file bankruptcy!  Things never got better.  Thankfully we never had kids but he was like a big kid himself wasting money on booze, drugs, and toys when we couldn't even pay the electric bill.  I finally got my credit back on track 4 years ago but things continued to spiral downhill until 7/7/12 I finally made the decision that I was almost 40 years old and I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life like this.  It's crazy I was working 50+ hours a week and couldn't even afford to get my hair done once in awhile but there was always money for his beer and cigarettes.  We just had different priorities in life.  I'm thankful my parents have been able to help me, but in the last year I've gotten nearly every single account taken care of as well as 3 secured CC and a new car lease reporting.  Anyway it is something to seriously think about.  Although in my situation I had other reasons I left not just the financial, but it was a big factor.



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Starting Scores 10/12: EQ 460 (FICO)/TU 502 (FAKO)/EX 474 (FAKO)
7/13: EQ 517 (FICO)/TU 546 (FAKO)/EX 581 (FAKO)
Current (4/14): EQ 580 (FICO)/TU 611 (FICO)/ EX 603 (FICO)



Regular Contributor
tammyjk
Posts: 160
Registered: ‎02-17-2011

Re: Dating someone with some serious financial issues

mt2va, I think it's fair to say you two did not have the same goals?  When I was younger, I probably would have never stopped to think 5 years out let alone 10.  My DH is like a kid too and that drives me nuts sometimes.  But on financial matters, he either leaves it up to me or takes on responsibility when absoluetly necessary. 

March 2011 FICO® ~ 595 TU, 605 EQ, 525 EX
Aug 2012 Lender pulls: 702 TU, 667 EQ, 660 EX
New Member
notasailor23
Posts: 8
Registered: ‎06-16-2013

Re: Dating someone with some serious financial issues

I'm still technically a newlywed, so if I end up back in this thread in 5 years eating my words, you can all tell me "I told you so".

 

My husband and I both have our own financial demons. I owe a lot of money in student loans and have a pretty terrible credit score. I was never really taught about credit as I grew up with my parents dodging the collection calls. He has an eviction on his record and other debts as well. (We haven't had a chance to do his FICO score, he has been deployed for a year with an 8 week home visit a few months ago).

That said, we were both honest and upfront about our credit/financial issues from the begining. And we both discussed how we eventually wanted to have children, purchase a home, save for retirement, etc. We have similar financial goals and ideals. We are both working hard to save what we can.

If I had written him off due to past mistakes, we never would have gotten married. And the same goes for him since my finances bring very little to the table. People screw up, it happens. What is important is working to better yourself and your finances.


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