@mt2va wrote:After reading your whole post sounds like you've come to the right decision. I was at a similiar crossroads myself nearly 20 years ago but I went with "love" and then spent 20 years never having any money with my parents' paying for my bankruptcy filing as a wedding present and never being able to get credit or if I could it was with places like Credit One and other predatory lenders. The few times I could get decent credit it was ruined quickly because of not having the money to make even minimum credit card payments because he wasted away all my money (he rarely worked at all). Not being on the same page regarding finances is a HUGE issue. Now that I'm away from him and all his emotional hold on me (which is very difficult) I realize it was crazy to put up with it as long as I did. I had other issues with him as well but the financial one was a huge one and I finally decided I didn't want to spend the rest of my life like that. And I also realized if he truly cared about me/us he wouldn't have put us in that position.
As several others have said there is no reason at all if she was living with you essentially rent free (only paying her car/some groceries) that not only did she not have her CC significantly paid off but it actually doubled! That is insane and it's not going to get better.
Best wishes and let us know what happens.
I agree!
My husband has excellent credit, and before I met him my credit was ruined (my fault). After 3 years of being with him, I knew I had to fix my credit and make sure I never put myself In that situation again. I would never want to put a financial burden on us. Aside from when the time comes to buy a house I don't want to have to depend on him to co-sign for me, and bring his score down. With the myfico forums I have learned a lot and also have been able to give him financial advice! If she cares she should be taking the control over her situation. It is also clear she didn't learn the first time.
in he end you have to do what is best for you. Each person should be putting 100% into the relationship. When you are doing more than the other person that is a red flag, and thankfully you can see that.
Started Gardening 4/3/2014
+1. When I got married, my husband had excellent credit, and I was terrible with money. In hindsight, he should have been the one to handle the budget for sure, but because he was busier than I was job and school-wise, I took it over and it stayed that way. Well, predictably I made some mistakes. However, now I am on these forums all of the time educating myself (and him!) and checking our scores and doing everything possible to rebuild to where his credit was when we got married.
It hasn't been anything too horrific - we were able to get our house and do pretty much everything we needed to do. But it was a close thing, and I don't EVER want to be in a place like that again. If everything goes like I hope, the next few months should see our credit back up to 700+, and in a few years when the last of the bad things fall off, hopefully we will be 800+.
In so many ways, if I had known back when got married what I know now, things would have gone very differently.
ETA: Okay, I missed your last big post about the early morning conversation. Holy cow. I don't know how much you make (obviously more than she does) but her throwing it in your face that you are lucky to make whatever you do says a lot about where her mind is at. She makes 50k/year. In my mind, she is lucky! I have a Masters and am only making 30k right now. I am of course actively looking for a job that makes use of my degree and pays more, but I feel very fortunate to have what I do in these economic times. She is fighting you really hard on this. I am so sorry you are having this issue, it must be very painful to be considering taking the steps you are, but it does look like you have very little choice.
Gardening until April 30th, 2015.
