I hope things will get better for you!
My Sister In Law has a relationship like this, it has been chaotic for YEARS now. every 3 months or so we get these desperate phone calls from her due to her BF spending habits(he does make a good salary as he is a fireman) but they can never pay their rent, there is never any baby food or diapers,.....it just goes on, we helped them out for years, thousands of dollars literally, and every year they have another kid when they can support themselves because of his spending habits. This last January she called to say she was pregnant again, and I told her kindly we just cant help them any more. We have our own kid, and we only had 1 because of finances, we just cant support our family and keep her up as well. I explained that she needs to make different decisions, as I have said many many times before. In the past she plays dumb and acts like its the first time i have ever suggested she change her ways or move out.
It was too much, it was down to us paying her AAA bill because they could not put aside 120 Yr for it themselves. Why , because they spent their last 3K paycheck on a vacation for themselves, they just had too! Good grief.
Their Credit is completely Tanked. Completely. she is 30K + in debt for Student Loans. He is Unknown, but he cant get a Payday Loan if that says anything, and buys cars at the BuyHere Pay Here Lot and there is no Qualifying because he knows a guy who knows a guy type of thing.
They have 10 cats/dogs, that they keep adopting from the human society and keep getting more, but cant afford to feed them, but since he knows a guy who knows a guy then all is well in the kingdom of chaos you see. Because they spend so much on food for the animals, they cant afford a computer for their daughter to get on ABC Mouse and use Early Learning Academy, (which we have her added onto our account because we have this subscription for our son). She wanted us to buy her a computer so they can go on doing what they are doing. Its just crap.
But, we always ended up by proxy footing the bill for these things that we are not electing in our lives.
We dont have any animals, why? Because they are a financial liability. even one, if you are a good caregiver, has lots of ongoing expenses that need to be done to maintain the animal in good health. It is a commitment. In the future we are going to add a Maine Coon into our family, but thats when we have our ducks in a row.
Our son is our main focus, he gets the best of what we can provide, we spend alot on his education and his learning. If we had 10 dogs and cats, well our son would not have the advantages in learning he has now, because, our resources would be eaten up by animal maintenance instead of caring for our child's educational future.
Sometimes you just have to cut it loose to save yourself.
That's what we did, we will be out of debt(partially debt we accumulated to help her) in 6 months and we aren't doing this ever again.
Last time she told us she had no diapers, i said she needs to find the nearest food bank and ask them where she can get diapers. Want to know what I used to do? Go online and buy 300$ worth of diapers at Toys R us or Target and have them sent to her(because they live 800 Mi away).
Weather it is a sister in law or a girlfriend the situation is the same problem. Its like breaking a bad habit.
Wish you luck, its hard to cut it loose, it truly is. She cried and became very upset with me for doing so. She cried to my husband, and thats hard on him, but since I do the finances I draw the line, and its a good thing because we would probably fight because it always comes down to overlooking their bad decisions as 'its for the children". Again though we care, there is a limit.
What I keep in focus is, this situation will not change weather i pitch in or not, and I will carry the debt so she does not have to change how she is living her life.
Just be strong and when you can gather your strength and move on.
Cheers
