This forum can only be awesome 
Hope by this time she is out of your house at least. You did everything right. She did not and never will. I just sent on his way my ex for the second time...and he is 50. Some people will never be good with finances
This forum can only be awesome Hope by this time she is out of your house at least. You did everything right. She did not and never will. I just sent on his way my ex for the second time...and he is 50. Some people will never be good with finances
@Dw4250 wrote:I'm half-joking, of course.
But this site has made me not only self-aware about my credit/finances, but caused me to ask some deeper questions about my current girlfriend. So here's my story:
I’ve been dating the same girl for 2.5 years. The relationship is going great with the exception of one thing: Her credit and financial management skills are not very good. She is 31, has already one bankruptcy on her report from a few years ago, and seems to heading into dangerous waters again.
A little background…she moved in with me in Sept 2013 (I own a townhouse). At the time, we agreed that she would wait to until April 2014 to pay rent. The logic was to give her 7-8 solid months to funnel the money she had been paying toward her rent and utilities to pay off (or at least significantly paying down) her CC debt. She told me at the time she owed about 5K in CC debt, and had been paying close to $750 in rent/utilities. (7 months x $750 =$5250)
We have not spoken much about her progress, and I assumed her CC debt was being paid down per our agreement. Then a few weeks ago, I noticed she had a couple of envelopes arrived in the mail that looked like overdraft notices. I confronted her on it, and she admitted her checking account was overdrawn. I asked her where she was in her “debt reduction” program and she told me all of her CC’s were maxed out. I was floored! I don’t see any evidence of excessive spending by her (although she did take a trip to Puerto Rico with her sister in January). She then hit me with a double whammy…her CC debt is now $10K!!! (she had told me last Sept it was around 5K)
I’m really dispirited and am not sure what to do. My thoughts behind her moving in were 3-fold:
1) It would give us a chance to strengthen/deepen our relationship
2) It would end up being cheaper for both of us (share costs)
3) A break in rent/paying off her CC’s would put her on solid financial footing and we would be well positioned for if/when we wanted to get married and buy a home.
Instead, it seems the opposite has happened. MY expenses have increased (food/utility costs), and she is actually in WORSE shape financially than when she was paying rent.
Our self-imposed deadline of April is nearly here, when I assumed she’d be able to start chipping in on rent/utilities (we had agreed that she would pay $350 total including utilities). She has already told me there’s no way she can pay me rent in April. Although I am able to make my mortgage payments and other obligations comfortably, it deeply worries me that she’s not able to come up with even $350/month.
I am in a position to help her. I went to my CU the other day, and pre-qualed for a 48 mo, $8,000 personal loan at 8.9%. Monthly payments would come in right around a very comfortable $200/month (she’s paying $200/month just in interest per month on her cards) . This would instantly help her credit and in a year or so, she could refinance with the loan in her name only.
But as I walked out of the CU, it started to hit me...what if she’s as irresponsible with the loan as she is with everything else? Do I really want to be with someone who is so unserious about her finances. To be fair, I was similarly irresponsible with my finances in the past. It took me YEARS to dig myself out. So I know how hard it can be. But I now consider myself to be responsible about money/credit. Do I really want to go through another roller coaster with someone else’s debt (especially if I am unsure if she’s willing to fully committ to improving her credit and finances)?
So what do you think guys…should I help her by getting the loan or not? I am really torn, and don’t want to end the relationship. But at the same time, I feel like I’ve already tried to help her by giving her a break in rent, the past 8 months and that’s blown up in my face. I am starting to feel like an enabler for irresponsible behavior. Has anyone else on here gone through something similar? If so, what was the outcome?
My profile:
Income: 81K
Debt Obligations: Mortgage, small student loan, car loan, cards in siggy, no kids
Her Profile:
Income: $50K
Debt Obligation: $900/month student loans, $10K in credit card debt, car loan (~$250/month), no kids.
@Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the great read! ... I hope you have found a much more suitable girlfriend that is much more in control & aware of her financial stability. You are a good man. You deserve better than your ex.
Thanks so much! Well I haven't been on this thread in awhile, but I'm happy to report that I did meet someone new (well sort of new...we met last spring 
). I'm also happy to report that we just got engaged earlier this month! 
She is the best thing that has ever happened to me (just ahead of myFICO of course...lol! J/K!). We have begun to plan the wedding and will be looking for a house later this year. And yes...she is very financially responsible.
I might have missed something here...how'd you get the now ex gf out of the house?
@IOBA wrote:I might have missed something here...how'd you get the now ex gf out of the house?
Kind of a long story...I think if you scroll to pg 8 or 9 you can get the complete version.
Short version is I finally had reached the point where I was tired of being used. She basically had the mindset that I was a walking, talking ATM machine. And since I was taking care of all the bills, she had no need to take any financial responsibility for anything (then proceeded to rack up even more debt). It was hard at the time, but looking back now that experience was the best thing that could have happened to me. It taught me some great lessons about life and love. In the aftermath, I met an amazing woman with whom I plan to share the rest of my life.
As far as getting her out of the house, that was easier than I expected. I told her I'd give her ample time to move (2-3 months), and she ended up moving in with a friend after a month or so. Last I heard, she had moved in with her new boyfriend (poor guy! ) Anyway, I don't wish her any ill will; I hope she is happy and I hope she learned from that experience too.