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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?


Dw4250 wrote: Time for plan B….thanks again everyone for all your support and feedback!  

 

Good luck...
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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

[ Edited ]

Did the responsibile thing I say and you'll be much thankfull later! 

Its sad there are these types of people. At the end of the month they are somehow broke. A older sibling of mine is the same way, has a FANTASTIC job but lives in my mothers basement and doesn't have a dime to his name at the end of the month. Been there for about 10 years now i'd say and always says next month he'll start saving. He's 31 now. And always is able to flip it so my mom keeps on agreeing to have him there. Much like your girlfriend has done to you. Dont buy into it anymore! Something stops them from growing up. Its weird, but its not the type of person you want to get involved with. 

 

Glad to read you decided against the loan. Them CC's would've been pif'd and even if you had it arranged to have them closed with a huge decrease to her UTL she would've just qualified for a set of brand new cards. 

 

I think giving 6+ months for them to get their ducks in a row is long enough for a woman your not engaged or married to. 


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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

[ Edited ]

DW4250,

 

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story.  Given your last post of her putting her foot down, I can't help but wonder how you might handle a senario such as the following.  If you did ask her to leave which leads to a blowout and her leaving, how would you handle it if she came crying back a day... two days later (after a reality check) saying she was sorry and will change?  Would you say no on principle that you had many chances, or would you let her back in?  I truly wish you luck with everything!

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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

DW4250,

     After reading through all the posts, I have to point out that this all boils down to respect (or in her case, lack thereof). I'm fighting this battle with my 20 year old daughter (who certainly wasn't raised to be a princess) but is certainly behaving like one in her relationship, which is similar to yours. She also has all the excuses in the world as to why she never has any money left to help with expenses.I have tried to explain to her how her financial behavior makes her bf feel. Is it fair to him? [Why should he have to go out & work his butt off just to pay all the bills with his paycheck, while you go out & buy just about anything you want? Clothes, shoes, make-up. Do you not think that maybe he'd like some left-over money with which to buy something fun or better yet, save? He could probably do that if he didn't have to foot all of the household bills. Why do you deserve to live for free on someone else's dollar? You both work, you both live in the same house & incur the same living expenses equally. Either give him the respect he deserves by bucking up & contributing your fair share to this household or get the hell out & let him find someone who can.]

     Love is a powerful thing. I'm not suggesting you stay in or leave your relationship. But the seeds of resentment quickly take over a garden, no matter how pretty & it's certainly no way to begin a marraige. Like any other problem, you can't fix it for her. You can't force her into 'treatment'. Nothing will work unless and until she decides that 1) it is a problem and 2) it is a problem she wants to fix. To this point, she doesn't seem willing to do that. (and on the flip side, why would she? This is working for her- she has the best of both worlds). I'm quite certain you already know what you should do. It's no longer a case of "if" or "how", it's merely a matter of "when".

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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?


sunshine7157 wrote:

DW4250,

     After reading through all the posts, I have to point out that this all boils down to respect (or in her case, lack thereof). I'm fighting this battle with my 20 year old daughter (who certainly wasn't raised to be a princess) but is certainly behaving like one in her relationship, which is similar to yours. She also has all the excuses in the world as to why she never has any money left to help with expenses.I have tried to explain to her how her financial behavior makes her bf feel. Is it fair to him? [Why should he have to go out & work his butt off just to pay all the bills with his paycheck, while you go out & buy just about anything you want? Clothes, shoes, make-up. Do you not think that maybe he'd like some left-over money with which to buy something fun or better yet, save? He could probably do that if he didn't have to foot all of the household bills. Why do you deserve to live for free on someone else's dollar? You both work, you both live in the same house & incur the same living expenses equally. Either give him the respect he deserves by bucking up & contributing your fair share to this household or get the hell out & let him find someone who can.]

     Love is a powerful thing. I'm not suggesting you stay in or leave your relationship. But the seeds of resentment quickly take over a garden, no matter how pretty & it's certainly no way to begin a marraige. Like any other problem, you can't fix it for her. You can't force her into 'treatment'. Nothing will work unless and until she decides that 1) it is a problem and 2) it is a problem she wants to fix. To this point, she doesn't seem willing to do that. (and on the flip side, why would she? This is working for her- she has the best of both worlds). I'm quite certain you already know what you should do. It's no longer a case of "if" or "how", it's merely a matter of "when".


Bravo for being a hell of a woman sunshine 7157 and most importantly a mother and speaking up for what's fair and in both parties interest ........Very well said sunshine 

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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?


myjourney wrote:

sunshine7157 wrote:

DW4250,

     After reading through all the posts, I have to point out that this all boils down to respect (or in her case, lack thereof). I'm fighting this battle with my 20 year old daughter (who certainly wasn't raised to be a princess) but is certainly behaving like one in her relationship, which is similar to yours. She also has all the excuses in the world as to why she never has any money left to help with expenses.I have tried to explain to her how her financial behavior makes her bf feel. Is it fair to him? [Why should he have to go out & work his butt off just to pay all the bills with his paycheck, while you go out & buy just about anything you want? Clothes, shoes, make-up. Do you not think that maybe he'd like some left-over money with which to buy something fun or better yet, save? He could probably do that if he didn't have to foot all of the household bills. Why do you deserve to live for free on someone else's dollar? You both work, you both live in the same house & incur the same living expenses equally. Either give him the respect he deserves by bucking up & contributing your fair share to this household or get the hell out & let him find someone who can.]

     Love is a powerful thing. I'm not suggesting you stay in or leave your relationship. But the seeds of resentment quickly take over a garden, no matter how pretty & it's certainly no way to begin a marraige. Like any other problem, you can't fix it for her. You can't force her into 'treatment'. Nothing will work unless and until she decides that 1) it is a problem and 2) it is a problem she wants to fix. To this point, she doesn't seem willing to do that. (and on the flip side, why would she? This is working for her- she has the best of both worlds). I'm quite certain you already know what you should do. It's no longer a case of "if" or "how", it's merely a matter of "when".


Bravo for being a hell of a woman sunshine 7157 and most importantly a mother and speaking up for what's fair and in both parties interest ........Very well said sunshine 


Aw, shucks... I'm blushing. :womanembarrassed:

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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

I don't know what state you live in, but I don't see anything good coming out of this relationship. In New York if someone lives with you for more then a few days there considered a legal resident (especially if shes getting bills in her name at your address). If she doesn't want to leave you'd have to go through a very lengthy eviction (12-18 months) to get her out. I hope you don't live in this kind of state, but people become vindictive when they feel scorned, tread carefully.



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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

im not gonna say you screwed the pooch by being old fashioned and paying for most of everything but it really seems like she has taken that for granted. i am such a lucky guy that my gf has never taken me for granted. it seems like a trust issue. you are this responsible guy with high expectations for yourself and she doesnt trust herself to live up to what she knows she should be for you. since that open ended trust isnt there it will rear its ugly head later in other things in the relationship. this would be my last ditch effort but it wouldnt hurt to try and if she didnt agree it really isnt meant to be. you could use a mediator in your discussions about finance. a psychologist, maybe a good friend of hers that you know wouldnt take sides.

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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?


desgre90 wrote:

 

....I can't help but wonder how you might handle a senario such as the following.  If you did ask her to leave which leads to a blowout and her leaving, how would you handle it if she came crying back a day... two days later (after a reality check) saying she was sorry and will change?  Would you say no on principle that you had many chances, or would you let her back in?  I truly wish you luck with everything!


I actually have thought about that...I guess I would respond by saying this is bigger than spending habits, credit or financial responsibility.  It comes down to shared values.  If we were to get married, we have to be on the same page when it comes to issues like finances or it will never work.  These last few months, and the past couple of weeks have shown this is not the case.

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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?


blondy250 wrote:

I don't know what state you live in, but I don't see anything good coming out of this relationship. In New York if someone lives with you for more then a few days there considered a legal resident (especially if shes getting bills in her name at your address). If she doesn't want to leave you'd have to go through a very lengthy eviction (12-18 months) to get her out. I hope you don't live in this kind of state, but people become vindictive when they feel scorned, tread carefully.


I briefly looked into the various rules and regulations over the weekend.  It seems like in my state, she would be classified as a 'authorized guest resident' and I would only be required to give 30 days written notice.  Depending on how it goes (i.e. we can both deal with this like adults), I am willing to give her longer to find a new place...I'm not a change the locks/move her stuff to a storage unit kind of guy.  But I will be smart and put everything in writing.  

 

I'm not too worried about the psycho/vindictive factor, but again I will be prepared just in case....

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