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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

For anyone curious about this sort of situation, you can click on the poster's name, and you'll see the last time that they logged on and their most recent posts. That will tell you if they're still around.

 

Some people just choose to leave a topic that they no longer want to deal with, and that is certainly their (and everyone's) right.

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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

OP is posting (elsewhere on myfico). hauling is posting too. Life is wonderful. :smileyvery-happy:

 

Are you living within your means?
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Registered: ‎07-14-2012
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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

With a masters degree i know she is not stupid.I just feel you are doing so much for her and you guys are not married yet. If she is this bad now , wait untill you have akid with her,now she wanna be a full time mummy and now your financial burden just increased. Your case is like my friend ,he is doing better now after 8 years of the same crap with his lady.Be persistent and careful besides you can always get someone else. 

drash
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Registered: ‎07-08-2014
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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

Wow, not to be a downer, but run, don't walk away!

 

You could expect this from someone in or fresh out of college, but there comes a point in your life when you have to man (woman?) up and stop having others bail you out.

 

When I met my husband 9 years ago (me 20, him 26), we were both making very little money and had trashed credit.  It was never one of us carrying the other.  We dug out of it TOGETHER and if he ever pulled any of that crap behind my back I'd be IRATE as I know he would be, too.  Finances are the #1 cause of divorce...probably the #1 cause of the demise of cohabiation relationships as well.  If it's like this now, already, what would it be like when you have a house, cars, and children together?!  I don't care what people say, love is not all it takes.  No sir.

 

There's no reason with a combined 130K income you guys should be sitting pretty and she shouldnt be pulling her financial weight.  She will only drag you down.

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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

Hi everyone- I’m so sorry I have not updated recently….

 

To answer your questions…we are still together but have not resolved our issues.  In the last couple of months, she and I have both had some life issues come up.  I found out my dad has cancer (it’s been stressful, but thankfully his prognosis is good). In addition her mom had emergency back surgery and we lost our beloved dog, who was accidentally hit by our neighbor’s car when he got off his leash.  So we've been dealing with all that and our relationship/money issues have taken a back seat for the moment.

 

In some ways, going through all of this have brought us closer together.  However the  underlying issues still remain.  She still does not take her finances seriously, and I have still not seen a nickel in rent.  So long term…I still feel that our values are very different (in terms of money) and I am uncertain how we bridge that gap.  As I told another poster although money isn’t everything, it is a well known fact that most divorces are at least partially because of money issues.  Who wants to go through that?  So when things stabilize, I will address the issue again.

 

Thanks to everyone for sharing their advice, experiences and offering their support. Sorry again for leaving you all hanging…I had no idea there was continuing interest in my post!!

 

I will continue to update, and I hope you all will continue to share as well.

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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Good luck to you both!


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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?


Dw4250 wrote:

Hi everyone- I’m so sorry I have not updated recently….

 

To answer your questions…we are still together but have not resolved our issues.  In the last couple of months, she and I have both had some life issues come up.  I found out my dad has cancer (it’s been stressful, but thankfully his prognosis is good). In addition her mom had emergency back surgery and we lost our beloved dog, who was accidentally hit by our neighbor’s car when he got off his leash.  So we've been dealing with all that and our relationship/money issues have taken a back seat for the moment.

 

In some ways, going through all of this have brought us closer together.  However the  underlying issues still remain.  She still does not take her finances seriously, and I have still not seen a nickel in rent.  So long term…I still feel that our values are very different (in terms of money) and I am uncertain how we bridge that gap.  As I told another poster although money isn’t everything, it is a well known fact that most divorces are at least partially because of money issues.  Who wants to go through that?  So when things stabilize, I will address the issue again.

 

Thanks to everyone for sharing their advice, experiences and offering their support. Sorry again for leaving you all hanging…I had no idea there was continuing interest in my post!!

 

I will continue to update, and I hope you all will continue to share as well.



Sorry you both have been through so many emotional issues. Obviously, you have had a lot on you plate. I wish you all the best and a speedy recovery for your Dad and her mother. My most sincere condolences about your dog. I am a major dog lover and have a 17 year old (cocker spaniel) furry baby who means the world to me so I can certainly understand your grief.

 

Thank you so much for the update. A great many of us were concerned. This was the only cliff hanger I have ever experianced here on myfico but I will say,  it has certainly been interesting.  I was/am  amazed at how many people were concered about you and  how many were experiencing or had experienced similiar situations.

 

 

Once again, thank you for the update. It's greatly appreciated. . .








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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

Here is my thought. I've done this with my girlfriend, because either people are aware of money and credit or they are not. Simply, here is what i did, i said you just have your check depositied into the same account as mine, You hand me your bills every month and you can have this set amount to blow on what it is that you want to blow it on, but you will have your bills paid and if something comes up to where there is a problem with paying bills, i'll tell you and we'll address accordingly. I think your main problem is there is not enough conversation in the relationship, tell her exactly how it is! Also, take those cards out of her wallet, if she isn't going to stop her debt herself, well take it upon yourself and cut those things and never look back! You'll be doing her a favor. I must say handling all of the assets and finances myself has made our credit scores go up, debt go down, and savings account go up. And it will continue to do so. 

 

Good luck!!

You don't even want to know how many cards i've got....

Credit Started May 31st, 2014 EQ:710|EX:712|TU:732 FICO:726
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Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

The longer you stay with her the harder the break will be.  If she doesn't respect you enough to pay her fair share, she is not worth it, give her a date and an ultimatum, you will control her finances and she comes straight about everything if she truly trusts and loves you, or you need some space to sort everything out to decide if you want to keep investing in this relationship.

Regular Contributor
Posts: 180
Registered: ‎11-02-2012

Re: Did myFICO ruin my relationship?

[ Edited ]

I hope things will get better for you! 

 

My Sister In Law has a relationship like this, it has been chaotic for YEARS now. every 3 months or so we get these desperate phone calls from her due to her BF spending habits(he does make a good salary as he is a fireman) but they can never pay their rent, there is never any baby food or diapers,.....it just goes on, we helped them out for years, thousands of dollars literally, and every year they have another kid when they can support themselves because of his spending habits.  This last January she called to say she was pregnant again, and I told her kindly we just cant help them any more.  We have our own kid, and we only had 1 because of finances, we just cant support our family and keep her up as well. I explained that she needs to make different decisions, as I have said many many times before.  In the past she plays dumb and acts like its the first time i have ever suggested she change her ways or move out.  

 

It was too much, it was down to us paying her AAA bill because they could not put aside 120 Yr for it themselves.  Why , because they spent their last 3K paycheck on a vacation for themselves, they just had too! Good grief.  

 

Their Credit is completely Tanked. Completely.  she is 30K + in debt for Student Loans. He is Unknown, but he cant get a Payday Loan if that says anything, and buys cars at the BuyHere Pay Here Lot and there is no Qualifying because he knows a guy who knows a guy type of thing.  

 

They have 10 cats/dogs, that they keep adopting from the human society and keep getting more, but cant afford to feed them,  but since he knows a guy who knows a guy then all is well in the kingdom of chaos you see.  Because they spend so much on food for the animals, they cant afford a computer for their daughter to get on ABC Mouse and use Early Learning Academy, (which we have her added onto our account because we have this subscription for our son).  She wanted us to buy her a computer so they can go on doing what they are doing.  Its just crap.

 

But, we always ended up by proxy footing the bill for these things that we are not electing in our lives.  

 

We dont have any animals, why?  Because they are a financial liability.  even one, if you are a good caregiver, has lots of ongoing expenses that need to be done to maintain the animal in good health.  It is a commitment.  In the future we are going to add a Maine Coon into our family, but thats when we have our ducks in a row.  

 

Our son is our main focus, he gets the best of what we can provide, we spend alot on his education and his learning.  If we had 10 dogs and cats, well our son would not have the advantages in learning he has now, because, our resources would be eaten up by animal maintenance instead of caring for our child's educational future.  

 

Sometimes you just have to cut it loose to save yourself.

That's what we did, we will be out of debt(partially debt we accumulated to help her) in 6 months and we aren't doing this ever again.  

Last time she told us she had no diapers, i said she needs to find the nearest food bank and ask them where she can get diapers.  Want to know what I used to do? Go online and buy 300$ worth of diapers at Toys R us or Target and have them sent to her(because they live 800 Mi away).  

 

Weather it is a sister in law or a girlfriend the situation is the same problem.  Its like breaking a bad habit.  

 

Wish you luck, its hard to cut it loose, it truly is.  She cried and became very upset with me for doing so.  She cried to my husband, and thats hard on him, but since I do the finances I draw the line, and its a good thing because we would probably fight because it always comes down to overlooking their bad decisions as 'its for the children".  Again though we care, there is a limit.

 

What I keep in focus is, this situation will not change weather i pitch in or not, and I will carry the debt so she does not have to change how she is living her life.

 

Just be strong and when you can gather your strength and move on.

 

Cheers

 

 

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