01-11-2017 10:28 PM - edited 01-11-2017 10:58 PM
Yeah like many others I would say it depends, my parents struggled to provide for us being immigrants and not being able to get jobs other than minimum wage they did their best to provide for me and my brother and never splurged on themselves, now since I can afford to splurge on them and help ease their financial burden, I pay most of the bills for them and sometimes when my mom wants to buy a jacket or a wallet here and there she asks me to help her order and she would pay me back, even if she doesn't I would never ask her for the money back. (She still helps provide for my uncle back in their home country because he recently became sick and my cousins also struggle financially too). She still doesn't splurge on herself, but I choose to splurge on her. Every year I give her a few thousand just because, "to hold on to/ just in case you need it"
With that being said, my boyfriend's (of almost 9 years) situation is really different, his parents are split but are second generation immigrants and are making well enough to cover for themselves etc.. his mom chooses to be all secretive about her finances and is a hardcore shopaholic and hoarder... if she needs two of something she makes sure she buys six "just in case" so when she asks to borrow money, we/he makes sure she pays him back... She has a very long and deep history of being secretive about her finances because her ex swindled her out of money but she never said how much... seeing that after the last two hurricanes that hit the east coast, her insurance paid her but she didn't have a dime to fix the house and it's still a WIP after so many years, it's probably a huge amount.. (she always attracts the wrong type of guys sadly, even with her current one, she agreed but never does anything about it until it escalates..) and more recently she missed a phone bill payment (her & the bf has joint bill but when he first started working she said she will take responsibility to pay for it) because they emailed her about late payment but she doesn't use email and with all the holiday shopping she just forgot and somehow made it into being his fault because he never offers to pay for it etc, he previously asked her to make him the primary holder but she didn't want to (it's a hassle if he ever has to get stuff done and wait for her to be able to go with him) after arguing with her she finally did it and now he pays for that... but every time a situation comes up she tends to blame everyone else but herself for financial issues, that's why can't really loan her money.. and if he does, always makes sure to remind her to pay him back. She has no credit cards because she didn't manage them well, had high limits until separation because husband was breadwinner, and ended up accumulating debt ..
01-12-2017 06:28 AM
No I don't ask them to pay me back. They insist on paying me back. I think it's a respect your elders move; they don't need my assistance because they're still the parents and are supposed to provide for you even though you're an adult. Sometimes I even have to argue with them to take gifts. After that it's an argument about how much they owe me for the present.
01-12-2017 07:50 AM
It depends. My parents have always struggled a bit - blue collar workers. I was the first in my family (and the only) to go to college and I make a decent living. But I'm also a single mom and have a crapton of student loan debt. So I help them when I can but sometimes they need more and yes, I need it back. I never have to ask though. If they say they're going to pay me back, they pay me back when they say.
My sister? I will never lend her a dime, ever for anything.
01-12-2017 08:14 AM
As stated, I think it depends on your relationship with your parents. I grew up with a single mother and economically disadvantaged so we were never extravagant and periodic dining out was a treat. Now that I'm much more secure and my mother is on a fixed income. I pay most of her bills, part of her rent, and made her an AU on one of my cards for her spending. She's always lived within her means and never abuses the card, but I know that she is appreciative of the support.
With that being said, I don't loan money. If a friend or family member asks for a loan, I will give as much as I feel comfortable to give as a gift and not think of it again. It's not worth burning relationships over money.
01-12-2017 10:18 AM
It depends on the relationship between you and your parents as well as your own financial situation.
I'm estranged from my mother and she still owes me money. She emotionally and financially abused me for years. She was very negligent with her money. She had filed BK and was considering it again. She made a good income, but would ask me to get her to next payday. She made more than me and didn't have a large student loan payment like I do. She once claimed me as a dependent on her taxes even though I had my own income and didn't live with her for much of the year. She had her utilities in my name but never paid them on time. The money she still owes me for is because I paid off the utilities and had them shut off. She said she'd pay me back, but I guess she didn't deem it important enough. And yes I asked, multiple times.
01-16-2017 02:24 AM
I do not LOAN money because I am not a bank.
If my parents need and I have it available, absolutely, its theirs.
But the reality is this; if my bills are unpaid, I obviously don't have it to give, and I won't put myself in financial peril. Only until I have paid what I OWE, can I look at what I have left.
01-20-2017 08:44 PM
My father has never asked for money. However, if he needed money, I would give it to him. Fortunately, he has never been in that position and he's in good shape financially so I don't think it will ever come to that.
If he needed a substantial amount of money from me, then I would have him sign a promissory note with the understanding that it would come out of his estate some day. I'm absolutely happy to help him if he needs it, but am not interested in enriching my siblings at my expense.
03-07-2017 06:03 AM
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