The bills were always sent to his home, in VA. I moved to PA & have lived there ever since.
Of course the #1 thing I did was contact the cc company. That was within moments. The lady on the phone was very sympathetic, as her ex did the same thing to her. She said too bad, you are equally responsible no matter how many states away you moved or how long it's been since you accessed them.
...I was just hoping she was wrong, under-educated about methods 4 recourse, or saying what she was supposed to say as a cc rep.
I hope you can find a way to get this resolved as it is a shameful act on your husband.
if you have anything written after the separatation that he was supposed to close the accounts it could work in your favor, but since you ignored the credit card section on your credit reports it would really look like you were very careless in which you were. One the accounts are brought to 0 you could have probably requested to remove yourself I know in a time of divorce or separation things are tough, but this is why people should NEVER do a joint or co-signed accounts even when married.
Only time I think people should do anything joint is on a house if one person's income does not qualify, but personally I think people should use only one person's income in most cases because in case of bankruptcy in the future you can rely on the other spouse's credit to get a new loan =x
I do have it in writing that he was to close the accounts, but NFCU told me yesterday that (and I already knew this) they do not take judge's orders or agreements into consideration. Once joint, always joint.
And I am really upset and destroyed over this happening. I realize it would have come to my attention if I had inspected that tab on my report in the previous years. That is the most painful part. Since they had a zero balance all this time, there was nothing popping up to cause me to even look. And upon looking, NFCU didn't report from Apr-Sep, and then reported this entire mess all at once.
I believe what he may have done, was inactivated the credit lines, but not close them. Then when he decided to ruin his life earlier this year, he realized they weren't totally closed, and he reactivated those two cards. It's all I can imagine. If he had realized he had $20K at his disposal in the past 2yrs, you can bet he would have already run it up. he is terrible with credit.
Ha, hi llecs. Remember how hard I worked to rebuild both our credit... well, apparently he only saw it as a paycheck (issued on credit, of course). Ouch.
And I'm pretty much back at square one. At least I know where to come.
I spoke to the CC company (NFCU) further today. They don't say anything helpful. Paying back $20k on my own self-employment salary (which is only $20k after taxes, on which I raise our three kids with no child support) is not an option - the payments are over $400/mo. Even restructuring and extending the payments out many years isn't a possibility, they said :-( ... and there's no way to take myself off as joint now, bc he doesn't have the monetary ability to handle the full debt on his own, which is the only way I could be taken off. So that means it will just hit my credit report as a charge-off, with a note about the bankruptcy that he is filing.
Does anyone see any other option for me, besides bankruptcy?
Has he already filed for bankruptcy?
If not how can they prove he can not financially afford this debt?
I would work on getting yourself removed as best you can before he files for bankruptcy.
In the mean time, start filling out whatever you need to sue for child support. There is no reason a father should not support ANY of his children. But then again, doing this only proves he's not much of a man to begin with.
I had very good reasons and they work 4 us. He adopted my children after raising them since they were 7mo and 3yrs old, respectively. Bc of him, they will have insurance 4 the rest of their lives, cfree college tuition, and a cfather. Even if he is terrible with money. He takes care of them very well and when big expenses come up 4 them, we decide what a cfair split is, or one pays knowing the other will get the next expense. cFor the one with a lot of medical expenses, I have handled those bills and expenses bc he is paying cfor the insurance. However, when she's been hospitalized on his time/days, he pays 4 those ones bc he cfeels he should. It works 4 us without a court cforcing anyone's wallet. To me, that's the sign of a real cfather - one that steps up on his own, not bc a judge told him to.
As 4 proving he can't handle it... his income went down cfrom $145K to about $35K in Feb of this yr bc he's had to quit working entirely due to deficits from a brain tumor, plus severe PSTD cfrom being a Marine 4 20yrs. His only income now, is retirement & 70% disability (cfrom the brain tumor). His disability rating is being evaluated 4 100% status, bc of the problems he has, but that could take 2yrs to see any payment increase. He has 2 car pmts, plus at least 4 other credit cards (that I know of) besides these 2 that are harming me. One look by the creditor at his DTI would be enough to show he can't handle it. That's not even considering they'll see the recent missed payments in July-Aug-Sep.
cFrankly, I think he should be declared incompetent and have someone appointed to manage his cfinances. I am talking to his sister about that, she is the one helping him cfile for bankruptcy.
Does anyone see any other option for me, besides bankruptcy?
Probably not, but let's look at this a bit more.
I would start by pulling your three credit reports and looking at the facts about the "responsibility" of each account. If any say AU, I would dispute as "not mine". If any say "joint" then look at the actual accounts and/or his account statements to see it they are actually joint. This is a good example of why joint accounts are probably a bad idea for anyone.
The information on "separated" or such is going to vary so much by state that you can probably only get good info from your Family Law Attorney. Did either of you file for divorce? The initial filing normally has language that makes what he did contempt of court.
The run up in debts may have big issues since it looks like it might be intentional. BK may toss out those debts. In any case, if you are actually joint and they don't get all of it from him, they will come after you for the rest. If he even file, they might just start with you for all of it. They won't think about it being half his debt and half your debt. They simply want to get paid. That probably means you would get force to file to protect any of his debt.
FYI: the mailing address being his, the charges be his, etc. will be completely irrelevant to the creditors. It could help if you have a provable contempt of court claim in the divorce but if you haven't filed for divorce before the charges then that argument is gone. If he truly can't earn money and has no assets then there isn't much point in getting a judgement against him anyway.
Depending on the laws in your state, his becoming disabled before the divorce is final may result in you paying him spousal support. I strongly suggest you talk with your Family Law Attorney ASAP. There is too much variability in the laws of different states to even guess at that.