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Finances affect all relationships!

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drkaje
Senior Contributor

Finances affect all relationships!

Why don't we read/see more activity on this sub-forum‽

 

"Relationships and money" doesn't necessarily have to be about spouses and significant others. Topics would just as easily be about how we relate to personal finances and credit.

 

For example, I'd applied for a  student deferment but they didn't respond (with a denial) until on the due date. Because they were taking so long I paid on the night before it was due. The lag in processing time made it appear to be late. I 100% freaked out about not being able to get a house next year, going BK, locusts, raining frogs, etc... LOL!

 

Is the subject just too touchy? If it is I'd be very, very.... Very afraid, yet morbidly curious, to read what people have to say on the matter. Especially considering how candid people are about things like BK, late payments, setbacks and so on.


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Current Score: EX 753 FICO, EQ 737FICO, TU 738
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Message 1 of 10
9 REPLIES 9
haulingthescoreup
Moderator Emerita

Re: Finances affect all relationships!

Heck, I'd love to see more activity here! Smiley Very Happy (well, other than the spammers who seem to love this board Smiley Tongue)

 

How one relates to money and credit, though; that tends to wind up on General Credit Topics. Doesn't mean that it has to, though.

 

We originally intended this forum to help people think through how credit is handled by spouses, especially when and if the Big D enters the picture. Then we expanded it to talk about money and credit as it affects couples and/or family members (siblings, parents/ grown kids, etc.) in general.

 

Maybe it's time to expand it again to encompass the emotional issues in credit and personal finance in general. My hesitation at the moment is that the important info and discussions about the sad nitty-gritty problems that can come when partners have joint credit and then split up might get lost.

 

Any thoughts, anyone? Besides the generous souls offering to stream the third-round Quidditch World Cup and whatnot.

* Credit is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. * Who's the boss --you or your credit?
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007
Message 2 of 10
drkaje
Senior Contributor

Re: Finances affect all relationships!

^ Doesn't our own relationship with money bear some examining, too?

 

I look at (and participate in) the Gardening threads. Ever wonder why someone who is already set (credit-wise) and has no real need for the shiny card still needs to read "Congratulations, You're approved!!"?

 

I like to believe that knowing what's going on emotionally would lead to better financial decisions.


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Current Score: EX 753 FICO, EQ 737FICO, TU 738
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Message 3 of 10
MarineVietVet
Moderator Emeritus

Re: Finances affect all relationships!


@haulingthescoreup wrote:

Heck, I'd love to see more activity here! Smiley Very Happy (well, other than the spammers who seem to love this board Smiley Tongue)

 

How one relates to money and credit, though; that tends to wind up on General Credit Topics. Doesn't mean that it has to, though.

 

We originally intended this forum to help people think through how credit is handled by spouses, especially when and if the Big D enters the picture. Then we expanded it to talk about money and credit as it affects couples and/or family members (siblings, parents/ grown kids, etc.) in general.

 

Maybe it's time to expand it again to encompass the emotional issues in credit and personal finance in general. My hesitation at the moment is that the important info and discussions about the sad nitty-gritty problems that can come when partners have joint credit and then split up might get lost.

 

Any thoughts, anyone? Besides the generous souls offering to stream the third-round Quidditch World Cup and whatnot.



Why is there not more activity here? I can only offer my opinion that perhaps many folks are just like me and the last thing they are willing to discuss even on an anonymous online forum is personal relationships; particularly if it involves problems/disputes over financial matters. Few of us like to admit publicly (or privately) that we are less than model stewards of the often volatile mixture of money and marriage and/or relationships.

 

But that's just my view. It might be entirely different reasons.

 

 

 

From a BK years ago to:
EX - 3/11 pulled by lender- 835, EQ - 2/11-816, TU - 2/11-782

"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem".

 

 

Message 4 of 10
drkaje
Senior Contributor

Re: Finances affect all relationships!

^ MVV,

 

None of us are perfect stewards, LOL!


Starting Score: 675
Current Score: EX 753 FICO, EQ 737FICO, TU 738
Goal Score: 776 FICO


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Message 5 of 10
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Finances affect all relationships!


@drkaje wrote:

 

I like to believe that knowing what's going on emotionally would lead to better financial decisions.


YES!  And, for myself, and maybe others will agree -- the "relationship" that we have directly with money plays a HUGE factor in our emotional intelligence. Smiley Wink

 

 

Message 6 of 10
Ms-Kato
Contributor

Re: Finances affect all relationships!

How about friends reaction to...

 

 

Handful of friends make plans for a night out (Dinner/Play in NYC) or a short weekend getaway..Some friends

make a remark such as " I got bills to pay"  or   " I don't make the kind of money you make" and say it in a snarky manner when

the truth is they really don't make much less and we all have bills.

 

And if you don't include them they get all pissy if you don't invite them but they still sling the same snarky remarks when you do.

 

 

How do you respond to these remarks ?

 

 

Message 7 of 10
drkaje
Senior Contributor

Re: Finances affect all relationships!

^ I reply "Me, too!", LOL!

 

If you can't afford to float a friend, be honest about that fact and move on. Especially if it's an occasion where the idea is to treat yourself or isn't really affordable in the first place, LOL!


Starting Score: 675
Current Score: EX 753 FICO, EQ 737FICO, TU 738
Goal Score: 776 FICO


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Message 8 of 10
MarineVietVet
Moderator Emeritus

Re: Finances affect all relationships!


@Bluerain wrote:

How about friends reaction to...

 

 

Handful of friends make plans for a night out (Dinner/Play in NYC) or a short weekend getaway..Some friends

make a remark such as " I got bills to pay"  or   " I don't make the kind of money you make" and say it in a snarky manner when

the truth is they really don't make much less and we all have bills.

 

And if you don't include them they get all pissy if you don't invite them but they still sling the same snarky remarks when you do.

 

 

How do you respond to these remarks ?

 

 


Then they are not really "friends" and it's time to move on. Just MHO.

 

 

 

From a BK years ago to:
EX - 3/11 pulled by lender- 835, EQ - 2/11-816, TU - 2/11-782

"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem".

Message 9 of 10
casmith1980
Established Contributor

Re: Finances affect all relationships!

When I had first met my DH, I had horrendous credit and his was pristine. It wasnt horrible on purpose, but at 19 I had to decide if I was going to pay credit cards or put diapers on my newborn. Needless to say, I chose the latter.
When DH and and first got married, he wouldn't allow me to have credit cards. I ended up sneaking a card in (first premier) and when it arrived decided the fees were too high and didn't activate it. I've since learned how that stupid move helped me Smiley Sad

I love DH with all my heart but would have appreciated a much less controlling approach to my credit situation. Hell, I was finally able to find a better rebuilding card with less fees but once he found out about it, he made me call the company in front of him to cancel/PIF.

Now, after almost 7 years of marriage, he's learned that I'm going to do whatever I want and it's best to just shut his mouth lol. I'm definitely in a better financial position than 8 years ago and he's partially responsible for that Smiley Happy.
Filed BK 12/5/14
341 meeting 1/9/15
Anticipated discharge 3/10/15

Goal: 700 by 3/2017
Message 10 of 10
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