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drkaje
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Re: Financial Follies that Break the Relationship


tpatterson2k9 wrote:

Seeing as how finances are the number one reason couples get divorced, I was curious about hearing from the myFICO community about what particular financial follies a partner has that would either end the relationship or, at the minimum, erase any thought of marrying that person due to the folly.

 

I don't know if I'm just being too picky or not, but there is one thing my girlfriend does that, albeit is not the worse thing in the world, indicates to me that she would not know how to control her spending later down the line.  As much convincing as it took, I finally got her to sign up for the Amex Blue Cash Everyday card not too long ago because of the awesome rewards (she had no prior rewards CCs).  Before she signed up, I told her all about the extra cash back she would have coming her way if she just started putting all the charges she normally makes on her debit card on her Amex card instead.  Well, it's been about two months and she still refuses to use her rewards CC.  After genuinely and politely asking her why, she explained that she doesn't think she could manage to only charge what she could afford each month.  To me, the fact that she doesn't have a general idea of her monthly budget or spending is a big red flag, especially since she should know because of her frequent debit card use.  The way I look at this is she's just saying no thanks to free money, but maybe that's just me. 

 

So what are some of the not-so-desirable financial behaviors you've witnessed in a current on ex partner that really made you think twice about getting serious with that person?


If she's not overspending, it's no folly at all.

 

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FrugalRican
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Re: Financial Follies that Break the Relationship


tpatterson2k9 wrote:

So what are some of the not-so-desirable financial behaviors you've witnessed in a current on ex partner that really made you think twice about getting serious with that person?


I'll give mine in a numbered fashion, since these have happened to me:

 

(1) Has no idea how to pull a credit report, or what that even really  means.

 

(2) Has three outstanding debts to which she is just paying the minimum on.

 

(3) Has her tax refund taken away because she had a fourth debt - a federal student loan - that she was delinquent on.

 

(4) Constantly had close to a $5 balance in her checking account after all her bills were paid. No savings. And, she worked at a bank.

 

(5) Routinely late on car payments and had no idea how that actually affected her credit.

 

(6) Continously asked friends/families to help cover for her when she had no money at the end of the month (at that point, I had stopped enabling her)

 

(7) Asked me to co-sign on a loan for her sister so that they could buy a house they had been renting (mind you, her sister had her phone/internet cut off every 3 months because of late payments)

 

(8) Always talked about enjoying life and living in the moment, ALWAYS whenever a financial decision had to be made.

 

(9) Last year of living with her, we went from splitting the rent 60-40 to me paying 80-20, and sometimes, not even the 20.

 

And those are just a few I can remember.

Red flags that I didn't see until too late. The mortgage co-signing was definitely the big one. That one happened about two weeks before her refund got "taken" from her to go towards her delinquent student loan. When her tax refund got taken away from her, she had counted on that money to take a trip with a few friends to the Dominican Republic. By that time, the writing was on the wall for me. I opted to not take the trip with her because I wanted to be financially responsible. I thought the fact her refund was gone would incline her to do the same. Nope, she asked for $1.2K from a family member so she could take a 5 day trip there.

 

By the time she took her trip, I was already single.


 

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drkaje
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Re: Financial Follies that Break the Relationship

There are a few things that would stop me from even asking out a woman, LOL! That's relatively easy.

 

The financial /emotional stuff about people is learned the hard way and usually too late. :smileyhappy:


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aussiesareforever
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Re: Financial Follies that Break the Relationship


FrugalRican wrote:

tpatterson2k9 wrote:

So what are some of the not-so-desirable financial behaviors you've witnessed in a current on ex partner that really made you think twice about getting serious with that person?


I'll give mine in a numbered fashion, since these have happened to me:

 

 

(4) Constantly had close to a $5 balance in her checking account after all her bills were paid. No savings. And, she worked at a bank.

 

 



Haha...that is pretty funny!

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tpatterson2k9
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Re: Financial Follies that Break the Relationship

So my girlfriend (who is still the one I've been with since my OP) received her nicely sized federal tax refund today.  When I asked her what she was going to do with it, she said she is going to put it away in a savings account (not a CD or anything like that) and forget she ever received it.  After asking her if she still had a balance on her 24% APR credit card, which she pays just a little bit above the minimum on each month, she said yes, but she didn't want to use the refund money to pay it off because she would be putting more charges on it anyway next semester (six months away). 

 

With the refund she received, she could pay off the whole balance of the card and still have 80% of the money left.  Even though I tried to explain to her that if she paid off the card it would be like giving herself 24% interest (because she would no longer be paying 24% interest on the card), but she doesn't seem to understand this concept.  I really wish I could understand her logic, but I just can't.  It bothers me so much that her financial decision-making is so off-base, but it's not enough yet for me to break it off with her.  Anyone have any words of wisdom for me (besides ending it now, because trust me the thought keeps coming back to me, but I still love her)?

 


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drkaje
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Re: Financial Follies that Break the Relationship

Seperate finances forever.

 

Even with seperate finances she'll end up making financial decisions (good or bad) that affect you both. You need to be at peace with that moving forward in the relationship. :smileyhappy:


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Re: Financial Follies that Break the Relationship


tpatterson2k9 wrote:

So my girlfriend (who is still the one I've been with since my OP) received her nicely sized federal tax refund today.  When I asked her what she was going to do with it, she said she is going to put it away in a savings account (not a CD or anything like that) and forget she ever received it.  After asking her if she still had a balance on her 24% APR credit card, which she pays just a little bit above the minimum on each month, she said yes, but she didn't want to use the refund money to pay it off because she would be putting more charges on it anyway next semester (six months away). 

 

With the refund she received, she could pay off the whole balance of the card and still have 80% of the money left.  Even though I tried to explain to her that if she paid off the card it would be like giving herself 24% interest (because she would no longer be paying 24% interest on the card), but she doesn't seem to understand this concept.  I really wish I could understand her logic, but I just can't.  It bothers me so much that her financial decision-making is so off-base, but it's not enough yet for me to break it off with her.  Anyone have any words of wisdom for me (besides ending it now, because trust me the thought keeps coming back to me, but I still love her)?

 


 

Understand that if you get married to her, you will most likely face this situation a LOT more regularly. I hope this does not become grounds for resentment for you.

Maybe you have to draw it out for her, show her that even though she's putting it into savings, the 24% interest is really going to chew away at the .35% savings she could get from the account.

 

Don't try to understand her logic. It doesn't work that way, because she's not thinking about it logically.

I hate to say it like this, but if it bothers you a little bit now, it's going to bother you a whole lot more in the future when it comes time to do the grocery shopping, pay the cards, pay the utilities, etc... But you also must understand that you can't force her to understand your logic either (not saying that that is what you are doing)... but I;ve seen relationships come to that point.

 

You either be happy with her the way she is and HOPE that one day the light bulb turn on, accept her the way she is and let go of any future resentment, or just walk away.

 

 

 

P.S.: I had a friend who was once in a similar situation. What he did was he showed her the amount of what she'd get in interest over a period of a year, and then showed her how much her balance was costing her in interest over a year and used them in a column-style format with both balances at the bottom. He then showed her possible things her interest was stopping her from buying with the extra money she was savings. It opened her eyes when she saw she was missing out on some new shoes and a purse.

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lovinlifeinkc
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Re: Financial Follies that Break the Relationship

While I believe finances are a huge part of a relationship in general I don't think anyone wants to be told by a boyfriend or how to spend the money they earned. My opinion is unless you plan on merging your money don't worry about how anyone spend their cash.
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drkaje
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Re: Financial Follies that Break the Relationship


lovinlifeinkc wrote:
While I believe finances are a huge part of a relationship in general I don't think anyone wants to be told by a boyfriend or how to spend the money they earned. My opinion is unless you plan on merging your money don't worry about how anyone spend their cash.

Stuff rolls downhill and someone's financial mismanagement will eventually spill over into other areas and affect the relationship.

 

IMO, it's not a matter of telling someone how to spend money they've earned. It's about being on the same page. If two people aren't committed to moving in the same direction (financially) the relationship is essentially doomed. Worse than doomed is being tied to always bailing someone out or having opportunities limited because someone can't or won't learn to do things in a better manner.


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Re: Financial Follies that Break the Relationship


lovinlifeinkc wrote:
My opinion is unless you plan on merging your money don't worry about how anyone spend their cash.


-1

 

How they spend their cash could greatly affect how the two of them pay bills and other expenses in the future.

 

Follow my financial journey: http://www.frugalrican.com


EQ FICO (01/16/2012): 656 - EQ FICO (02/16/2012): 743 - EQ (02/24/2012): 760 - EX (04/28/2012): 739 - GOAL 2013: 800+

AMEX BCE (0/10K) --- BOA 1-2-3 (0/15.9K) --- Discover More (0/6K) --- Chase Freedom Visa (0/1.4K) -- Hyatt Visa Sign. (0/5.8K) -- Barclay's NFL Card (0/7.5K) -- Chase Sapphire Preferred (0/5K)


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