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Financially UNstable Fiancee

Blogger

Re: Financially UNstable Fiancee

She'd be fine if there were no resentment issues, but the fact that original post even exists... means there probably is a bit of it.

 

I normally would tell an unmarried man to run away from a woman such as the OP's, if the man has exhausted all other options to get her involved.

Here, the situation is a little further along.

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Message 11 of 35
Established Contributor

Re: Financially UNstable Fiancee

I'm a LONG ways away from getting married, but the thought of marrying a financially unstable person in this kind of environment just makes me cringe. They better be otherwise PERFECT in every way or I'd say you have to get your finances in order before we even think about getting married. Finances are just too important to overlook, IMO. 

 

And I don't think there's anything wrong with what hauling said...each person controls what they're good at. So he's in charge of home repairs, car maintenance, etc. and you're in charge of the money, household stuff, etc (not to sound stereotypical or condescending). My dad makes nearly 4x as much as my mom, but my mom handles all of the finances. She's just better at managing money and staying on top of the bills. I don't think there's any shame in it...you guys are in it together, might as well play to your strengths. 

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Message 12 of 35
Moderator Emerita

Re: Financially UNstable Fiancee

I'm not saying that someone with major financial issues in their past shouldn't set off all sorts of ding-ding-dings in your head.

 

I'm just saying that IF the partner is genuinely content and relieved to let the other manage all the money issues (there are such people; it really does happen), it's not an automatic deal-breaker.

 

Sort of like Celia in "The Help" who genuinely could not boil water, but her hubby didn't care. They worked around it. (My apologies for the girly reference there.)

 

But as I said, if there's any sort of pouting or whining or raging about the decisions being made, then to heck with it.

 

f you want to help in the financial decision-making, then suck it up and learn how to deal with money and have an equal partnership. If you are genuinely relieved to have it taken out of your hands, and you trust the money person to make wise choices, then that's great. But if you're going to slob around and run up the CC's and be unrealistic and demanding, and then criticize the decisions by the person doing all the work, then as the saying goes, don't let the door hit ya where the dog bit ya.

* Credit is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. * Who's the boss --you or your credit?
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007
Message 13 of 35
Blogger

Re: Financially UNstable Fiancee

There's nothing wrong with seeing "The Help". I still retained my masculinity after it.

Follow my financial journey: http://www.frugalrican.com


EQ FICO (01/16/2012): 656 - EQ FICO (02/16/2012): 743 - EQ (02/24/2012): 760 - EX (04/28/2012): 739 - GOAL 2013: 800+

AMEX BCE (0/10K) --- BOA 1-2-3 (0/15.9K) --- Discover More (0/6K) --- Chase Freedom Visa (0/1.4K) -- Hyatt Visa Sign. (0/5.8K) -- Barclay's NFL Card (0/7.5K) -- Chase Sapphire Preferred (0/5K)

Message 14 of 35
Highlighted
Member

Re: Financially UNstable Fiancee

I definitely will take the suggestions under advisement.  I DO want to say that I'm neither bitter or resentful; if I was then I'd be breaking the engagement instead of trying to figure out way to move forward.  I'm honestly scared, and wondering what's the best way to make things work; that's why I posted the question.  I want to make sure that there's no resentment from either side down the line and that we can achieve the goals that we have.  The reason why I want him involved and not just 'letting me' manage the finances is because it's hard to make and implement plans that everyone involved doesn't understand and/or agree with.  But, from what I'm seeing here there may be some ways to make it work.  I'll send an update in a few months.

Message 15 of 35
Valued Contributor

Re: Financially UNstable Fiancee

As much as you want it to work, it may or may not.  

 

Please take all the advice with a grain of salt.   

Message 16 of 35
Valued Contributor

Re: Financially UNstable Fiancee


haulingthescoreup wrote:

 

I'm just saying that IF the partner is genuinely content and relieved to let the other manage all the money issues (there are such people; it really does happen), it's not an automatic deal-breaker.



Hey, hold your horses! What if the other needs to withdraw money from the partner's checking account? What if the other needs to pull the partner's credit score? I have searched this thread for the word consent and did not find it. Smiley Surprised

Message 17 of 35
Moderator Emeritus

Re: Financially UNstable Fiancee


my-own-fico wrote:

haulingthescoreup wrote:

 

I'm just saying that IF the partner is genuinely content and relieved to let the other manage all the money issues (there are such people; it really does happen), it's not an automatic deal-breaker.



Hey, hold your horses! What if the other needs to withdraw money from the partner's checking account? What if the other needs to pull the partner's credit score? I have searched this thread for the word consent and did not find it. Smiley Surprised


Hi my-own-fico,

I've read your words over and over since last night and with all due respect I have no idea what you're trying to say here. What do your comments have to do with the subject matter? If I'm just not understanding please enlighten me.

 

I happen to agree with HTSU and her views in this thread. (That will shock her  Smiley Happy  ). Each person within each relationship has to decide what is right for them. What my wife or I might do in our marriage whether financial or otherwise is not binding in the least on anyone else.

 

There is no one right or wrong answer or approach to how couples handle finances.

 

 


"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference. The Marines don't have that problem".

Message 18 of 35
Valued Contributor

Re: Financially UNstable Fiancee


MarineVietVet wrote:

 

If I'm just not understanding please enlighten me.

I happen to agree with HTSU and her views in this thread.



It's called asking for clarification. Smiley Surprised Smiley Very Happy

As for agreeing or disagreeing with someone, that's too distracting for me.

 

Is hauling not available? Hope I didn't scare her away. Smiley Sad

 

Message 19 of 35
Moderator Emerita

Re: Financially UNstable Fiancee


my-own-fico wrote:

MarineVietVet wrote:

 

If I'm just not understanding please enlighten me.

I happen to agree with HTSU and her views in this thread.



It's called asking for clarification. Smiley Surprised Smiley Very Happy

As for agreeing or disagreeing with someone, that's too distracting for me.

 

Is hauling not available? Hope I didn't scare her away. Smiley Sad

 


Not hardly. Some of us work for a living, and spent 60-some-odd hours at the office this week. What is this bit about "consent"? Where'd you get that one? Asking for clarification.

* Credit is a wonderful servant, but a terrible master. * Who's the boss --you or your credit?
FICO's: EQ 781 - TU 793 - EX 779 (from PSECU) - Done credit hunting; having fun with credit gardening. - EQ 590 on 5/14/2007
Message 20 of 35