08-30-2012 07:16 PM
Really didn't know what to title this. Anyway me and my gf have been together 4 years and lived together about 2.5. Been together since hs. Both 21(My bday was monday. Spent a decent amount that week and I guess this is where that's coming. We both did though).That's our backround.
We also work at the same place with the same schedule and make the same money. We also have a checking account together. I take care of all the money. Not exactly cuz I want to but because she doesn't want to help. So I find myself in "trouble" when she wants to buy something and we don't have the money for it and then i basically have to let her buy it. I spend money we don't have too, I'm not saying I don't, but it's hard for one person to budget for two people.
Anyway she's not understanding that. We've tried for her to do the budget and make payments but I don't think she evens knows how to make a credit card payment and so I end up taking over again. For some reason she doesn't want to do it together.
We're working towards paying off about $3000 in the next few months. It's going well so far but I'm stressing myself out realizing it might not work out as planned and I get in "trouble" again that I have credit cards. Whenever she talks to her family, which if I got into her family I'd write a book, she says "Brandon has to pay of his credit cards..." even though she spends on them too their apparently only mine. I'm the only one that overspends.
I guess I'm just venting that she won't go 50/50 on this with me and curious if anybody else has to deal with it and how they might deal with it. She literally never worries about it and ALL I do is worry about it. I also get a lot of crap about how my aunt has started to charge me insurance. She was paying for it when we were living at a house and paying rent but when we moved out I told my aunt i could help her out and so now my aunt asks for $115/month and my gf is SOOO upset about it. "We made a deal that she'd pay so why is she going back on it?"
She's also against using CCs at all. She wants us to close all the cards and use debit. I've realized credit is better and then PIF and I've learned a lot of self control from these forums. It feels great to pay a card in full every month like I've been doing with our cards lately(still owe on one card). I have 5( 2 CU, 1 Capone, Carecredit, Jcrew) and she has 1. I'm comfortable with where I'm at. I never spent more than about 200 at a time on the jcrew until she offered to buy her brother clothes and I kind of thought well I might as well too. Don't use carecredit, hate capitalone cuz it does nothing for me, and one of my CU cards does nothing either but it's my oldest card. My other CU card is NFCU cashrewards so I want to use it and PIF but she doesn't see any benefit. Does anybody want to reply and give reasons of why it's better to use a credit card and just pif to prove it to her? haha My ultimate goal is Amex BCP.
Her goal is a house and I keep telling her that it's gonna be a crappy rate with the credit history that she has.
Thanks for reading.
08-31-2012 08:31 AM - edited 08-31-2012 02:47 PM
I had a similar situation at your age. I had an ex boyfriend and we constantly had issues with our finances. I was responsible for our budget and finances. He would always overspend complaining that we never had enough money and would overspend and not inform me of charges on our account. I was furious with his lack of respect for me and our relationship.
I eventually ended that relationship and 10 years later I am married to someone who is much better with his finances. My husband and I both have made financial mistakes but he is willing to deal with set backs and discuss future goals. I still have mutual friends of my ex and he still has financial and spending issues. I am sure his wife loves that!!
Personally, from my experience, you are too young to be combining your finances and credit futures. You two are not married and though you may feel that your relationship is serious, the likelihood that you two will be together in the future is uncertain. My suggestion is that you suggest credit/financial counseling and tell her that you will no longer be taking care of both of your finances. You need someone who can take care of their self alone...Is this the person you want to babysit forever? What if you were to have children(additional emotional and financial burden/little blessings)? What if something serious happened to you? Could she take care of everything on her own?
You really need to sit down and think hard about the fact that you are coddling your partner. You're taking on undue burdens which is causing unnecessary stress! If she cannot do it on her own, is that really a person you want to share your life with? I decided no! I wanted an equal partner, not an individual that was looking for a parental replacement. 10 years later I am blessed I made the decision to end that relationship...His new wife is now dealing with that mess. 10 years later he is much worse. No job, horrible credit, judgments, tax liens, no chance to even get new credit, no driver's license, morbidly obese...etc Basically a waste and I am beyond happy that I walked away and made better choices!
08-31-2012 10:38 AM
I'll tell you what Suzie Orman said about couples and bills.
Each of you need to have your own checking account and one account for bills only. Each of you need to contribute a percentage of the total bills into the joint checking account.
Basically, it comes down to fairness. Let's take for example you have $3000/mth in bills. If you contribute $2000 and she only contributes $1000, you're contributing some 66% while she is only contributing 33%. The percentage formula works irregardless of how much you make. You're still only contributing X percent. It doesn't work for me since we are a one income household atm but when my wife finishes school, we're going to use this plan.
As for the CC's. Are the cards in your name solely or joint? If they are your solely, then you know what you are comfortable with spending wise. Tell her to go jump in an icy lake if she doesn't like it.
Protect your credit. No one else will.
Just my .02.
09-02-2012 07:35 PM
09-03-2012 04:57 AM
The problem with this scenario is that you are enabling her irresponsibility. You aren't helping her. She has the financial maturity of a teenager because you are enabling her to be that way. If this were me.... I would get seperate accounts TODAY. And she would pay half of all joint bills. If she cant pay half; send her home to mom and dad until she can. Seriously this is unhealthy and you need to stop.
+1 Great advice!
If you can't put a stop to her destructive behavior now, you need to get rid of her. Learn from my mistakes, I've been there and done that. To bad that it took me years to get rid of my ex-wife.
09-03-2012 09:35 AM
09-03-2012 12:02 PM
This is a problem easily fixed.
OP seems your gf lives in the fantasy land that money grows on trees and your the one stressing over it. And what do you mean you "have" to let her buy something? Does she threaten to break up with you or something? What are her parent's input on this? If her mother has the attitude that you should be providing for her well then my word to you would be bounce now.
Your only 21 and you have perfect credit now that can be EASILY destroyed by her in seconds
09-04-2012 08:33 PM
It doesn't improve when you're married. My wife was in charge of the finances for years. Didn't pan out well. I took over when it was time to start getting a mortgage so I had tons to clean up. She likes to spend, believe me she loves to spend. She always says, "I work too". Yes, in fact she does, but I make her yearly salary by March and basically I spend money on gas to work and back. That's about it. Occassionally I have to tell her to slow down, and she huffs and clams up.
09-13-2012 04:32 PM
I had a similar situation, my husband was so irresponsible with money, 3 or 4 days after he got paid he'd be out of money asking for more, and pay days are every 2 weeks not every week! So I finally got so tired of it, I made him worry about it for a while. I made him sit down with me and showed him how much money we had, how much money had to go to bills, and how much we were left with, for BOTH of us. So now he gets a certain amount of money out of his pay every 2 weeks, and if he runs out, well that's his fault and he's out of luck until pay day. My advice would be to figure out your monthly bills, and than figure out what you need for yourselves between checks, and than put the rest in a savings account. If your GF is unsatisfied with that than I think you should find a better match for yourself. And using your credit cards is always a good idea, as long as you have the money to pay for it later. Your GF needs to come on this website and read a little bit, there are so many things that are affected by your credit score, she is going to regret it later when she's trying to buy a car, or get a mortgage.
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