Relationships and Money

[webhopper]

---

Letterer wrote:

Just want to share that I was your gf for too many years.  A lot of 'magic thinking' when it came to money.  Somehow it was more elastic than finite and I believed that there was always somehow more than enough money.  Anyway, my way of doing things did cause a lot of problems in my life and my marriage.  FINALLY, older and wiser, and getting things together.  I truly didn't see my behavior as a problem.  My husband, who had the opposite belief system (there is never enough), let me do the bills.  He thought that would help.  It didn't.  It didn't because all we did was fight about money, bills, etc.  I juggled incessantly!  No solution there. 

The kindest thing you can do for yourself and your girlfriend, is to be honest, set limits that you will keep, keep your money separate, and expect her to contribute.  

---

This is an excellent post...  Thank you for sharing!     

I agree whole heartedly with what I highlighted in red above.

[beb86]

I think a lot of us have been in this situation before and would do it over again of we had the chance...my advice is get rid of the joint checking acct and start a mint acct or something similar. Take her off your CCs if she is on them. The thing to remember is that when your married her debt becomes your debt and vice versa but right now its your debt and her debt. You are at the age where its important to learn to manage your assets and start looking into the future. Some people won't do a budget or keep to the budget because the are scared or don't understand (I was one) but once you establish a budget you will be amazed at the frivolous spending habits you have ( it will take a few months to perfect your budget). It sounds though you have someone who is in need of some financial help. You should do a budget and sit down and get her input on the areas of spending. Don't make it a blamefest but rather a "I need your help to make a budget" kind of meeting. If she still refuses to be financially responsible than it may be time to do a little soul searching

[TurtleShell]

I'd love to get an update from the OP. I realize it's a long shot, but in the case the OP ever comes back around, I hope he at least separated his finances from his gf's. at that age, there's really no reason for joint accounts and joint CC's. You both need to learn how to manage your spending so that you can pay down your debts and start saving. You're just making it that much harder by trying to do it as a couple, before you've figured out how to do it as single people.

It's a good sign that your GF doesn't want to use credit too much. It means she recognizes she isn't ready for that responsibility. Perhaps she's insecure about her lack of financial literacy, and that's why she turns to you to take the lead. She's very young though, and it's really for the best that she learns how to manage her money on her own, without you or her family looking it for her. Better now than later. Good luck!

[twall06]

I agree with everyone else separate checking accounts and if they are not her cards do not let her use them . My GF makes way less than I do but we split the bills in a fair way I pay  rent  and most of the bigger bills . She pays for the electric , water , and cable. It is a system we have and it works for us the bills I pay are in my name and the ones she pays are in her name. I think it gives her more of an incentive to make sure they are paid knowing it is in her name. Some people just can not have joint accounts a former gf of mine was that way always " borrowing " from me but I would never get paid back and was stuck with all the bills.