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drkaje
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Re: Hoping I'm not the only bad person out there ...

FWIW, I'd bet tons of people have secret accounts and/or conceal spending, loans, co-signing, and so on from their spouses.


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webhopper
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Re: Hoping I'm not the only bad person out there ...

[ Edited ]

drkaje wrote:

FWIW, I'd bet tons of people have secret accounts and/or conceal spending, loans, co-signing, and so on from their spouses.


I'm pretty sure that my mom has a lane bryant account that my dad doesn't know about... and for several years my dad had a savings account that my mom didn't know about. He also had a credit card that she didn't know about. He didn't trust her to know about it and not rack it up with charges.

 

My parents have gone through the ringer with my mom's spending...  they have had over 30k in CC debt in the past.  My dad didn't share the fact that he'd inherited a bunch of money when his dad died, so he hid it in a savings account for their own good.

 

My mom on the other hand has always had a spending issue.  I'm fairly sure my dad doesn't know she has a lane bryant credit card.   I had wondered why all of a sudden she took a liking to lane bryant  until I went out shopping with her, and she had about 800 worth of purchases at lane bryant on that day.. And during the checkout she started asking the cashier if her prior months payment had made it there in time.

 

My parents have been married for 30 yrs.  The good thing is that they've worked out their problems.  My mom only charges one major thing at a time, and she won't charge anything new until the first thing is paid off.   My dad stopped hiding money in a savings account :smileywink:  He invested it into a retirement account that my mom couldn't touch but knew was there.

 

 


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marty56
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Re: Hoping I'm not the only bad person out there ...

[ Edited ]

jamie123 wrote:

I'm not EXACTLY sure, but I'm PRETTY sure the OP is a TROLL!


IMHO no. 


Swap mens club/casino for a silver coin or 2 and he is much like me in that we all have our mad money that we like to use without discussion.  DW and I come together on major purchases.

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codimom
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Re: Hoping I'm not the only bad person out there ...

My first thought was troll, but that userid has been a member for a while... troll or seagull


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Booner72
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Re: Hoping I'm not the only bad person out there ...

I love your honesty and I think you are going to do this no matter what anyone says and I think that you're angry because she suckered you into joint finances and I think you guys won't make it.

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webhopper
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Re: Hoping I'm not the only bad person out there ...


Booner72 wrote:

I love your honesty and I think you are going to do this no matter what anyone says and I think that you're angry because she suckered you into joint finances and I think you guys won't make it.


 

THIS ^^^^

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annielorie
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Re: Hoping I'm not the only bad person out there ...

Personally this was a fun  read. The OP has managed to twist just about all the females except me.  Heres why.  I like many before me was shall we say swindled in my twenties I made the mistake I lived with it and moved on.  I am about to get married and this is how we do the money His money is our money and my money is our money. It is simply ours.  Do I have a small stash of course what self repsecting women doesnt? Does he have a little stash of cash that he uses of course.  Here is the major difference with the OP He makes 75% of the money he works hard. I am currently unemployed.  My JOB is the house and the finances. I  discuss things  that involve our future reguarding children and money He listens and 99% of the time he agrees...eventuallyLOL. Our little stashes are in part a way of telling ourselves if I want to buy this I can. These stashes are modest and dont affect any part of our future.  Like an allowance.  But I say this very clearly, WE are an US US is a WE Some find keeping finances completly seperate(in case it doesnt work out)I find this along the same lines as a prenup.  A statement that it is not going to work out, completely opposite what marriage is. But everyone has what works for them

OP dont get secret accounts or cc make allowances for each of you to spend as you wish.  You say this extra money wont effect her quality of life, then shouldn't she have the same amount to spend as she sees fit. And seriously your post says it all Hoping your not the only BAD PERSON out there, you already deem this to be bad behavior or you wouldn't call yourself a BAD person.  Maybe you should see a priest or minister or rabbi whichever applies to you, and seek the absolution you seem to desire.

 

I wish you Luck...but remember this day when it eventually bites you in the ...  The saying is what skeletons do you have in the closet...ever wonder why the skeletons are in the closet and not buried in the ground....because a closet has a door that opens  LOL


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traveler2005
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Re: Hoping I'm not the only bad person out there ...

OP

 

Just remember "what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas"  





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drkaje
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Re: Hoping I'm not the only bad person out there ...

Agreeing to do something wrong for him was the mistake. Having a hidden account really isn't a big deal, though not something I'd personally do. A friend's wife overspends and then uses PayDay loans for simple, daily stuff. He started hiding money, pretends to hit the PayDay loan place, charges her interest, and then does the same loan over again. She's just not going to change and it's the only way for him to stop some of the bleeding.

 

Folks should take long hard looks at themselves before judging others.


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haulingthescoreup
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Re: Hoping I'm not the only bad person out there ...

Yours, mine, and ours, and be honest and reasonably informative about the yours and mine part. The "reasonably informative" part simply means making the other aware that you have your own stash (as does she.) It doesn't mean that you owe her an accounting of how you handle it, UNLESS the time comes that you can't hold up your end of the joint financial responsibilities because you've overspent your own money.

 

You have joint responsibiities as a married couple/ household, and these should be jointly funded. Some people do it by splitting down the middle; others pro-rate their earnings after retirement savings. i.e., you make twice as much as she, so you pay two-thirds of the joint expenses and she pays one-third. Whatever, as long as it makes sense to both of you, and you both feel (however grudgingly) that it's a fair division.

 

Despite being married, you are also two unique, individual persons, and IMO you should each have your own play money/ mad money/ whatever to do stuff with. ("Seriously, you really had to buy one more Howlin' Wolf CD/ Number One Ladies' Detective Agency book/ another flat of petunias???" <-- this is avoided when you each have your own independent accounts, because by golly, it's your money, as long as the joint finances are taken care of.)

 

The fact that you feel that you have to hide this from your wife, and also that you are still resentful about having to combine your accounts, tells me that you two have some pretty huge subterranean issues that need to be pulled into the light of day and ruthlessly examined. If you genuinely want to stay married, you're going to have to learn how to handle money as a couple AND how to talk about money. You think this is bad? Wait till you hit big stuff like children, buying a house, and retirement. If you're having problems now, wait till these other things hit. I'd look for a marriage counselor who also has experience in financial matters.

 

On a purely emotional level as a woman, my reaction was that if you're hiding this from her, you're also hiding something else even more important, or you soon will be. I feel like you're paving your escape road. But that's just me. :smileyhappy:

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