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Established Contributor
pizza1
Posts: 922
Registered: ‎07-17-2013

How and when do I tell a future suitor that I've had a recent bankruptcy?

Hi everyone,

 

at some point in my dating life( not dating anyone now) , but eventually I hope to be lol....whats the best way to tell someone that you've had a bankruptcy due to things Beyond your control? I started aggressively rebuilding a week before BK7 discharge in August, and working on cleaning up reports, and have established credit. Time will eventually heal all wounds, but I'm a really good person ! Attractive, tall blond nurse, steady job and income, no baggage except for this darn BK! 

 

Im so embarrassed by it, and totally feel like I'm less of a person sometimes for it, big I can't go back and change history or time. I can only change "now" which I'm doing. I just feel like I'm gonna meet a great guy and once they find out ( I want to be honest about it), they will say see ya! 

 

Anyone deal with this or on the receiving side??? Thanks:smileysad: 

BK 7 D/C: 08/19/13~FICO-400's---> 07/14~EQ 659,EX 644,TU 640
NFCU loc-$15k|NFCU visa-$10k|Barclays-$1.5k|Cap one $2k|Wmart-$750|JCP-$500|Jcrew-$4,250|Loft-$250|Gap-$200|76 gas-$300|Amazon store-$700
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Revelate
Posts: 8,329
Registered: ‎12-30-2011

Re: How and when do I tell a future suitor that I've had a recent bankruptcy?

[ Edited ]

I'm no expert, but with my own albatross when it comes to dating (if it comes up) I simply admit my mistakes (in my case) and be as honest as possible when discussing how to not have such an incident reoccur.

 

Mistakes happen or other things outside of our control to literally everyone.  I view it the same way I do on the soccer field as a referee: I make mistakes, sometimes big ones, but I own up to them, learn from them, and try my damnednest to do better next time.  That's life, fecal matter happens, go on with it, but I suck at personal spin control, YMMV.

 

Funny thing in soccer at least and I've found this applies to elsewhere in my life as well: people nearly give you more respect for blowing it and then owning up to it or trying to make it right, than if you'd gotten the call correctly in the first place.  Human nature is funny like that, people expect folks to deny things, or evade, but a frank admission of "I did it" catches them off guard and almost always leads to a better place or discussion than not.

 

I'd suggest that a large tax lien or unpayable massive loan student debt are more likely to be issues than a BK for virtually anyone who has the slightest idea of how credit works.  Yours is a two to three year penalty for major purchases and your debts are paid unlike either of the other two situations which are large sinkholes financially.  A clean slate from a BK is better than that as far as relationship futures go in my opinion.

 

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Established Contributor
pizza1
Posts: 922
Registered: ‎07-17-2013

Re: How and when do I tell a future suitor that I've had a recent bankruptcy?

Revelate....

Thank you for responding! Other than $30k student loans and a $9800 car loan, that's pretty mild for other debt! I have cc now but pif on each card, no mortgage ( never owned a home). So that all. :smileyhappy:
BK 7 D/C: 08/19/13~FICO-400's---> 07/14~EQ 659,EX 644,TU 640
NFCU loc-$15k|NFCU visa-$10k|Barclays-$1.5k|Cap one $2k|Wmart-$750|JCP-$500|Jcrew-$4,250|Loft-$250|Gap-$200|76 gas-$300|Amazon store-$700
Contributor
RnJ
Posts: 180
Registered: ‎08-18-2012

Re: How and when do I tell a future suitor that I've had a recent bankruptcy?

If you're uncomfortable talking about it, then don't (you might date several people before meeting Mr Right).  I'd save this for the one you intend to invest your future with, you'll know when the time is right for such a discussion and that person is not likely to think less of you because of it :smileyhappy: 

Established Contributor
pizza1
Posts: 922
Registered: ‎07-17-2013

Re: How and when do I tell a future suitor that I've had a recent bankruptcy?

Thank you rnj!!

I sure hope so! I'm divorced and have been for awhile now, but I don't plan to bring it up unless he wants to marry me! Which someday I hope that happens again:smileyhappy: thank you for responding! :smileyhappy:
BK 7 D/C: 08/19/13~FICO-400's---> 07/14~EQ 659,EX 644,TU 640
NFCU loc-$15k|NFCU visa-$10k|Barclays-$1.5k|Cap one $2k|Wmart-$750|JCP-$500|Jcrew-$4,250|Loft-$250|Gap-$200|76 gas-$300|Amazon store-$700
Contributor
RnJ
Posts: 180
Registered: ‎08-18-2012

Re: How and when do I tell a future suitor that I've had a recent bankruptcy?

I'm all for honesty, that's a good virtue to have.  I just don't think it's necessary to reveal something you're uncomfortable with until you ARE comfortable enough with that person.  Mr Right wouldn't hold it against you.  There isn't a soul on earth who hasn't had one mistake in life they regret.  Btw, try not to attach a stigma to BK, it happens, think of it as a fresh start where YOU are in control, soon enough you'll feel good about the power to control your finances and destiny (that which is humanly possible, that is).  Here's wishing you luck in finding Mr Right!

 

 

Valued Contributor
SunriseEarth
Posts: 3,052
Registered: ‎08-12-2013

Re: How and when do I tell a future suitor that I've had a recent bankruptcy?


pizza1 wrote:

Hi everyone,

 

at some point in my dating life( not dating anyone now) , but eventually I hope to be lol....whats the best way to tell someone that you've had a bankruptcy due to things Beyond your control? I started aggressively rebuilding a week before BK7 discharge in August, and working on cleaning up reports, and have established credit. Time will eventually heal all wounds, but I'm a really good person ! Attractive, tall blond nurse, steady job and income, no baggage except for this darn BK! 

 

Im so embarrassed by it, and totally feel like I'm less of a person sometimes for it, big I can't go back and change history or time. I can only change "now" which I'm doing. I just feel like I'm gonna meet a great guy and once they find out ( I want to be honest about it), they will say see ya! 

 

Anyone deal with this or on the receiving side??? Thanks:smileysad: 


I think that's really a personal call.   If you're not at a point to where your finances would be an issue in a relationship (moving in together, buying a home together, vacationing together, etc) then I don't see how it would be someone's business.  Don't discuss until it's necessary, if discussion is difficult.  IMHO, it's nothing to be ashamed over.  

 

I've had no problem telling people that I've casually dated that I have had a BK and am actively rebuilding my credit.  I've also discussed it with my close friends.  The overwhelming response is that I'm responsible for making such steps.   The only embarassing thing is being a guy with a sparkly, pretty VS CC that I'm using as part of my rebuild strategy.  However, even the response to that is just that of shared humor.  




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Established Contributor
pizza1
Posts: 922
Registered: ‎07-17-2013

Re: How and when do I tell a future suitor that I've had a recent bankruptcy?

At sunrise earth.... Lmao at the VS card!! Love it!:smileyhappy: thank you too!!
BK 7 D/C: 08/19/13~FICO-400's---> 07/14~EQ 659,EX 644,TU 640
NFCU loc-$15k|NFCU visa-$10k|Barclays-$1.5k|Cap one $2k|Wmart-$750|JCP-$500|Jcrew-$4,250|Loft-$250|Gap-$200|76 gas-$300|Amazon store-$700
Regular Contributor
Startome
Posts: 399
Registered: ‎08-21-2013

Re: How and when do I tell a future suitor that I've had a recent bankruptcy?

Honestly it comes down to your relationship with that person. When you feel like the need arises, let them know. On the same hand, be understanding if it makes them nervous, and remind them of how well you've handled finances since =)

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Valued Contributor
p-
Posts: 2,539
Registered: ‎06-05-2008

Re: How and when do I tell a future suitor that I've had a recent bankruptcy?

You had me at tall blond nurse with no baggage...  And I think you have it right.  After engagement, when you talk about how finances will mix together and who will take the lead role in managing it, you should explain how important your credit is to you, and why.  That explanation should include your experiences with things getting out of hand and bankruptcy.  I'm sure anybody who gets that far will be interested in a lot more than your credit history.

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