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How do I make this work?

Established Contributor

Re: How do I make this work?

From reading this, the OP should definitely take full control of her money and credit cards to stop the damage and bleeding. However, please be careful as the spouse could flip on her as Bungalow mentioned. This is a possibilty. I hate to see this relationship play out but its more common than you think. At this stage, you are looking out for your kids wellbeing, even if it means leaving him. 

Message 21 of 22
Contributor

Re: How do I make this work?

The spending is a symptom of a bigger problem. Him. I am currently cleaning up my life after financially ruining myself after years of substance abuse. I can only equate this to something similar. I used substances, your husband uses shopping. He just can't help himself. It would have been similar to handing me a bag of dope and saying "Hey, don't shoot this.". What would I have done? I would have shot it. For your husband it's shopping. You handing him credit cards and saying "Please don't use these" means nothing. He gets instant gratification. It's money to spend. He may get a high from it. You will not make him financially responsible. Isn't going to happen. The only way he sees the light is to admit there is a flaw in him somewhere that needs to be addressed. Unless you are going to babysit him 24/7. 

 

The way I see it is this. You have options

 

-Ignore it and keep going as you are

-Divorce

-Therapy. For him. Not couples therapy, but there is likely depression there that needs addressed.

-Take all finances out of his hands and hope for the best.

 

Now, I am not a saint, and I am not Mr. Flawless Credit. But through my own problems I have experience in what personality disorders and addiction can do to someone. Drugs, gambling, shopping, it's all the same. Different symptoms, same problem. He likely does not want to hurt you, but he just cannot control himself. Addiction issues put your own needs before everybody elses. 

 

I hope everything works out for you OP.

Message 22 of 22