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Established Member
Posts: 28
Registered: ‎05-11-2016

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


A1Credit wrote:

pinkivy wrote:

Well I do believe he is either living beyond his means or he is just greedy. He was paying the full mortgage before she came along and it is not like she is not helping with household expenses & is willing to pay some of the mortgage. It obvious she can't afford more because she lived in an apartment & had a roommate so why would someone you love now bring you into a situation that would now have you paying essentially what you could pay in rent to live on your own if you could? If this was my bf & he made half of what I made then I would only have him pay what he was paying in rent and/or share a percentage in rent and household expenses according to our incomes. If I make him pay half of everything then I am basically crippling him where he will now be dependent on me because I will come out the winner who is able to save more money & have more disposable income to do things I want to do.  

 

Your friend may think she is getting a catch but she is probably being used. I had a friend go through something similar.  She was financially sound but moved in with her bf to help him pay his mortgage during hard times he claimed he was going through. She actually paid the full mortgage for 2 years. She would never listen to our advice that she was getting played. After 2 years he kicked her out & moved his real gf in. She later found out that while she was paying his mortgage he was paying for a small apartment building he had purchased.


My mouth literally dropped when I got to the end of your story.  Wow! I bet she was devastated. What kind of financial hardship did he tell her he was experiencing her to be willing to pay the full mortgage for not 1 but 2 whole years???!!!  

 

And I agree with your response to the thread.  I think it is just the right, moral and caring thing to do.  A relationship should be an area that you strive to create equal stability in all areas of the relationship whether it be financially or emotionally.  


Yes, she was devastated...financially and emotionally.  He had told her he lost his job and had not been able to find another one. Which was not true but she was paying all the expenses to maintain that household. He would give her a few hundred dollars every so often claiming he worked some odd jobs. This was just to manipulate her into thinking he was trying. She thought she was doing something to support her bf while he was down but there where signs the entire time they dated that he was using her. I tried to warn her but I guess some people have to go through the storm themselves. I also think like OP she was thinking she would get a proposal out of it not realizing that it's a bad mistake to marry someone like this.

Established Contributor
Posts: 546
Registered: ‎02-12-2010

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


pinkivy wrote:

A1Credit wrote:

pinkivy wrote:

Well I do believe he is either living beyond his means or he is just greedy. He was paying the full mortgage before she came along and it is not like she is not helping with household expenses & is willing to pay some of the mortgage. It obvious she can't afford more because she lived in an apartment & had a roommate so why would someone you love now bring you into a situation that would now have you paying essentially what you could pay in rent to live on your own if you could? If this was my bf & he made half of what I made then I would only have him pay what he was paying in rent and/or share a percentage in rent and household expenses according to our incomes. If I make him pay half of everything then I am basically crippling him where he will now be dependent on me because I will come out the winner who is able to save more money & have more disposable income to do things I want to do.  

 

Your friend may think she is getting a catch but she is probably being used. I had a friend go through something similar.  She was financially sound but moved in with her bf to help him pay his mortgage during hard times he claimed he was going through. She actually paid the full mortgage for 2 years. She would never listen to our advice that she was getting played. After 2 years he kicked her out & moved his real gf in. She later found out that while she was paying his mortgage he was paying for a small apartment building he had purchased.


My mouth literally dropped when I got to the end of your story.  Wow! I bet she was devastated. What kind of financial hardship did he tell her he was experiencing her to be willing to pay the full mortgage for not 1 but 2 whole years???!!!  

 

And I agree with your response to the thread.  I think it is just the right, moral and caring thing to do.  A relationship should be an area that you strive to create equal stability in all areas of the relationship whether it be financially or emotionally.  


Yes, she was devastated...financially and emotionally.  He had told her he lost his job and had not been able to find another one. Which was not true but she was paying all the expenses to maintain that household. He would give her a few hundred dollars every so often claiming he worked some odd jobs. This was just to manipulate her into thinking he was trying. She thought she was doing something to support her bf while he was down but there where signs the entire time they dated that he was using her. I tried to warn her but I guess some people have to go through the storm themselves. I also think like OP she was thinking she would get a proposal out of it not realizing that it's a bad mistake to marry someone like this.


To be honest, there are almost no benefits in "holding a person down" during bad or rough times unless they are already your spouse or you have been together  long before the storm.  In some of these situations, the person being held down will grow to resent the supporter or use them until they can find better.  Many leave the one that held them down once they make it because they don't want to be reminded of where they once were and the fact that that person has seen them at their lowest.  It hurts their new found self-esteem and persona.  

 

Thanks for sharing that story...there is a valuable lesson to be learned there.

Regular Contributor
Posts: 134
Registered: ‎06-08-2017

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer here. All we can do is opine. Really it is up to the parties involved.

 

Myself, if i had a hypothetical mortgage and a hypothetical girlfriend, I would not ask her to pay half the mortgage. I mean, its not like she can be an AU on it. Plus unlike utilities, the mortgage is set no matter if its one person in the house, or 100. I don’t think its unreasonable for her to pay half the utilities and groceries, or even all if she so chooses. (and assuming she can financially)

 

What next? “Say darling, I’ve been thinking, since you drive my car, why not pay half my car payment…” Again, to me that would be ridiculous, however if she filled up the tank, or took it to the car wash, that would be fine.

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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


Most people I know that have done this:

 

The homeowner continues paying the mortgage. The significant other that moves in takes on the rest of the expenses. Utilities/groceries/cable/phone bills/insurance etc.

 

Each person continues to pay any debt that is in their own name.

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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

My (now) fiance moved in to my house prior to getting engaged. We made fairly equal money at that time. We took an average of all  household bills and split that 50/50. She would transfer that money to me and I would pay all of the utilities and mortgage. If the bill wasn't completely static I would pay the difference as it generally wasn't much. 

 

The reason we went with this approach was because it was mutually beneficial to both of us. She was renting an apartment and her rent was about $300 moe than my mortgage. We figured it made more sense for both of us to move into the house I owned and it allowed us to save money. We knew we were interested in taking the next steps and wanted to see if we were financially compatible once living together. 

 

Since getting engaged we've decided to completely combine money into joint accounts. We tend to speak about anything being spent over $100 and just make sure there are no large expenses coming out that one of us isn't aware of. 

 

As previous people have said... communication is key. 

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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

I feel the same as you do...Her name is not on title. If your friend is having issues now think what the future brings. Big red flag in my opinion!!
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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

[ Edited ]

In general I love the idea of having everything seperate less complicated plus if anyone in the relationship wants to walk away for any reason they won't have too many arguements over credit or cash.

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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

I believe pitching in for food.. and utilities etc is acceptable but there’s no way she should pay his mortgage on something she has no stake in.
Valued Contributor
Posts: 2,017
Registered: ‎01-23-2013

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

Really interesting discussion. Pizza1, I hope you'll let us know how the situation works out.

 

How they end up splitting expenses (if they stay together) seems like the secondary issue and a question of individual choice. If I were in the situation, I'd go for proportional contributions based on income, mostly because there's such a disparity between what the two make. As others have said, though, that's up to them and they should be talking about it without always ending up in arguments.

 

The real crux of the matter is that he asked her to move in and only AFTER THE FACT decided she should be paying him nearly $1,000 a month. This is not only bad communication, which they seem to have on both sides, but it indicates some sort of agenda on his part. I don't know what that agenda is, but an after the fact demand like that is way out of line.

 

One thing, Pizza. Don't put so much emphasis on her getting a wedding ring before she agrees to that kind of expense split. Whether they're married or not doesn't have that much to do with it. In fact, if they can't work out issues like this now, getting married would be about the worst thing they coul do.

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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


Gunnar419 wrote:

Really interesting discussion. Pizza1, I hope you'll let us know how the situation works out.

 

How they end up splitting expenses (if they stay together) seems like the secondary issue and a question of individual choice. If I were in the situation, I'd go for proportional contributions based on income, mostly because there's such a disparity between what the two make. As others have said, though, that's up to them and they should be talking about it without always ending up in arguments.

 

The real crux of the matter is that he asked her to move in and only AFTER THE FACT decided she should be paying him nearly $1,000 a month. This is not only bad communication, which they seem to have on both sides, but it indicates some sort of agenda on his part. I don't know what that agenda is, but an after the fact demand like that is way out of line.

 

One thing, Pizza. Don't put so much emphasis on her getting a wedding ring before she agrees to that kind of expense split. Whether they're married or not doesn't have that much to do with it. In fact, if they can't work out issues like this now, getting married would be about the worst thing they coul do.


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