Credit Card Center Advertiser Disclosure

Reply
Established Contributor
Posts: 924
Registered: ‎01-16-2017

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  

January 15 2017 Experian 527 Transunion 528 Equifax 529
August 1 2017 Experian 702, Transunion 711, Equifax 715

BOA Cash Rewards, AMEX BCE, AMEX PRG, AMEX Ameriprise Platinum, AMEX SPG, CITI AADvantage Platinum, Chase Southwest Premier, Chase Southwest Plus, Barclay Arrival +, Barclay AAdvantage Red Aviator, USAA Prefered Cash Rewards , Cap One Quicksilver, Lendup L card, JCrew, Pottery Barn, Express, NFCU Go Rewards.. 130k total credit lines.
Regular Contributor
Posts: 215
Registered: ‎06-21-2017

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  


 

OK, I'm done here; you made me sick.

 

I get that this is flippant, but it is incredibly mysoginistic. Suggesting that the woman (or lower earner) in any relationship is trading sex or love for rent is truly an awful point of view. 

Established Contributor
Posts: 546
Registered: ‎02-12-2010

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  


 

OK, I'm done here; you made me sick.

 

I get that this is flippant, but it is incredibly mysoginistic. Suggesting that the woman (or lower earner) in any relationship is trading sex or love for rent is truly an awful point of view. 


I don't think that is what frogman1 is saying.  I think the issue is that the man is essentially dragging this woman along with no commitment, although she is a willing participant.  He allowed her to move into his home under certain circumstances but has all of a sudden changed the expectations.  It is a bait and switch tactic.  He has the power in this relationship it seems.  While the woman is worried that if she does not comply, he will check out of the relationship and essentially kick her out, while the man stated what he wants/expects and could probably care less how his demand will affect the relationship.  

 

As a woman, if I were making less than my partner but he wanted to essentially treat me like a roommate and share the bills 50/50, there is no way that I would be giving him relationship benefits.  He would essentially be a roommate.  Again, there is a dynamic of power here.  No where does this woman reap any benefits from investing in his home and building equity.  She is so busy trying to do eveything right and continuing to audition for a role in hopes that she get it while he, I'm sure is very aware of this and what she wants, could care less and wants what he wants.

 

This is not a situation of mooching.  The woman is pulling her weight with what she is able to give.

Established Member
Posts: 28
Registered: ‎05-11-2016

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?



I don't think that is what frogman1 is saying.  I think the issue is that the man is essentially dragging this woman along with no commitment, although she is a willing participant.  He allowed her to move into his home under certain circumstances but has all of a sudden changed the expectations.  It is a bait and switch tactic.  He has the power in this relationship it seems.  While the woman is worried that if she does not comply, he will check out of the relationship and essentially kick her out, while the man stated what he wants/expects and could probably care less how his demand will affect the relationship.  

As a woman, if I were making less than my partner but he wanted to essentially treat me like a roommate and share the bills 50/50, there is no way that I would be giving him relationship benefits.  He would essentially be a roommate.  Again, there is a dynamic of power here.  No where does this woman reap any benefits from investing in his home and building equity.  She is so busy trying to do eveything right and continuing to audition for a role in hopes that she get it while he, I'm sure is very aware of this and what she wants, could care less and wants what he wants.

This is not a situation of mooching.  The woman is pulling her weight with what she is able to give.


+1

Regular Contributor
Posts: 132
Registered: ‎02-28-2017

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

Situations like this are why my wife and I prefer to keep things joint, that way there is no "your money/my money" going on. Bills are paid out of "our money" and there doesn't need to be fights about what percentage of who's money is going where.

 

However, with split finances, I think it is fair to split it proportional to income differences as mentioned earlier. For instance, and for the sake of simplicity, if he makes 100k and she makes 50k then they should split the bills with that ratio in mind.

 

If the mortgage is 1900/mo, then she should pay about 635 and he should pay about 1270.

 

Also mentioned above, where someone mentioned that they split the bills 50/50 while making half as much, kudos to you. However, that can be a major chunk of income taken out and for some people could be hard to do without that much. Not saying it's impossible/unreasonable, because everybody has their own ideals of fair/reasonable. I'm just stating that while that may have been doable, it'd probably be a major lifestyle change financially.

In wallet: Citi DC, Marvel MC, AmEx BCP, Discover IT, Chase Freedom, Blispay

Local CU (7,500) 11/15 | Discover (6,000) 03/16 | Capital One QS VS (12,000) 06/16 | AmEx BCP (24,300) 02/17 | Marvel MC (12,000) 03/17 | Citi DC (5,000) 03/17 | USBank Cash+ (5,400) 03/17 | Blispay (7,500) 03/17 | Chase Freedom (6,400) 03/17
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 289
Registered: ‎09-10-2014

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

My GF and I split *almost* all expenses 50/50...

In my case, she owns the mortgage which we effectively split 50/50. I pay for all monthly utilities - I then take half of that total (her theoretical share) and subtract it from my half of the mortgage. I e-transfer the remaining amount owed to her bank account. We don't pay too much attention to splitting groceries since we are both buying and cooking for each other --- At the end of the day, buying/cooking is significantly cheaper than going out.

The key component is communication, communication, communication BEFORE these major life events. I know many friends/couples that struggled (some made it through while some did not) because all they acknowledged was the emotional, physical, spiritual relationship while completely ignoring the financial connection that must also be forged.

My GF and I discussed and jointly agreed to this financial arrangement before I moved in. If she had a gigantic mansion and I couldn't afford it, I would tell her and we would talk about it. I re-iterate - The *key* is to talk about this these things before making major decisions.

As for the couple in the OP, they need to talk it out openly and truthfully. This may sound very cold but the girlfriend needs to be prepared to move out if the amount causes too much of a financial burden. And the boyfriend needs to realize that the amount he is asking may end the relationship for good. Only the two can determine where the compromise is.

Into the garden on 08/26/16...

Chase Sapphire Reserved - $61,000 / Chase Freedom Unlimited - $8,000 / Chase Freedom - $5,000 / Barclays Rewards - $11,500

09/06/17 --- TU: 830 (+5) / EQ: 830 (+2) / EX: 832 (+1)
Community Leader
Super Contributor
Posts: 9,785
Registered: ‎07-17-2013

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  


 

OK, I'm done here; you made me sick.

 

I get that this is flippant, but it is incredibly mysoginistic. Suggesting that the woman (or lower earner) in any relationship is trading sex or love for rent is truly an awful point of view. 


ok ok...Id really not like my thread to get locked (even though its been awhile since thats happened, lol), I think we can all agree to disagree here.  I posted for some advice, and see if maybe there might be any thing else I could go back to tell her.  We dont need to get  upset at others, and start with the bashing of any kind please. 

 

He knew her situation before asking her to move in.  She had a roomate to help her split bills, they lived in a modest apartment.  So, this didnt come up until after she moved in. THIS WASNT A SURPRISE TO HIM OF HER SITUAITON, THEYVE DATED MORE THAN A YEAR.  Its not right/fair that she pays any of his mortgage. She splits all the utilites, pay for all the food/liquor at home, and most time when they go out. He wants more than that, she needs a ring on her finger.  If he has no intentions of that, (she made it clear she wants to be married and not just live with someone), then she shouldnt pay any rent/mortgage or whatever. She made it clear she cant afford that. 

(BK7 d/c-08/2013/FICO-400's)---> 07/2017 FICO- EQ-669, TU-676, EX-681
Scores being held down by tons of INQ/New acts Smiley Wink
Established Contributor
Posts: 546
Registered: ‎02-12-2010

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


pizza1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  


 

OK, I'm done here; you made me sick.

 

I get that this is flippant, but it is incredibly mysoginistic. Suggesting that the woman (or lower earner) in any relationship is trading sex or love for rent is truly an awful point of view. 


ok ok...Id really not like my thread to get locked (even though its been awhile since thats happened, lol), I think we can all agree to disagree here.  I posted for some advice, and see if maybe there might be any thing else I could go back to tell her.  We dont need to get  upset at others, and start with the bashing of any kind please. 

 

He knew her situation before asking her to move in.  She had a roomate to help her split bills, they lived in a modest apartment.  So, this didnt come up until after she moved in. THIS WASNT A SURPRISE TO HIM OF HER SITUAITON, THEYVE DATED MORE THAN A YEAR.  Its not right/fair that she pays any of his mortgage. She splits all the utilites, pay for all the food/liquor at home, and most time when they go out. He wants more than that, she needs a ring on her finger.  If he has no intentions of that, (she made it clear she wants to be married and not just live with someone), then she shouldnt pay any rent/mortgage or whatever. She made it clear she cant afford that. 


It's time for your friend to make a decision and not wait to see what the man's next move will be.  She can spend her time waiting and wishing if she wantsand when she finally wakes up 5 years later still shacking with no ring on her finger, she will have no one to blame but her self.  She knows what she wants and so does he at this point.  There is nothing left for her to prove and playing house and auditioning for a role that she may never have won't be determined after the fact if it has not already.  Women really have to stop relying on men for happiness.  I really hope she is not giving her all to a man that is only giving half.  Relationships are about give and take and it seems that he is tired of giving what he has in the past.  Make the man miss you, want you and figure out on their own that that you are the one.  Moving into her own place won't stop him from wanting her if he truly does.

 

If she was okay with the arrangement then I wouldn't have much to say but it is obvious that she is not fully happy and worried about the future.

Regular Contributor
Posts: 215
Registered: ‎06-21-2017

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


pizza1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  


 

OK, I'm done here; you made me sick.

 

I get that this is flippant, but it is incredibly mysoginistic. Suggesting that the woman (or lower earner) in any relationship is trading sex or love for rent is truly an awful point of view. 


ok ok...Id really not like my thread to get locked (even though its been awhile since thats happened, lol), I think we can all agree to disagree here.  I posted for some advice, and see if maybe there might be any thing else I could go back to tell her.  We dont need to get  upset at others, and start with the bashing of any kind please. 

 

He knew her situation before asking her to move in.  She had a roomate to help her split bills, they lived in a modest apartment.  So, this didnt come up until after she moved in. THIS WASNT A SURPRISE TO HIM OF HER SITUAITON, THEYVE DATED MORE THAN A YEAR.  Its not right/fair that she pays any of his mortgage. She splits all the utilites, pay for all the food/liquor at home, and most time when they go out. He wants more than that, she needs a ring on her finger.  If he has no intentions of that, (she made it clear she wants to be married and not just live with someone), then she shouldnt pay any rent/mortgage or whatever. She made it clear she cant afford that. 


I'm legitimately shocked that you would consider what I said out of line (bashing.) Frogman's post was entirely unambiguous in its meaning and not really appropriate in any context. If the bulk of poster's don't respect the way I responded to that speech, perhaps I need to reconsider if myfico is a community I want to participate in. I don't think I need to clarify my position any further.

 

That being said, this further clarification of your friend's situation and his inability to ask for more in the beginning makes me feel that your friend should either stand her ground or be prepared to walk away entirely. He needs to treat her like a partner and put her needs at least on the same level with his own.

 

 

Community Leader
Super Contributor
Posts: 9,785
Registered: ‎07-17-2013

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


A1Credit wrote:

pizza1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  


 

OK, I'm done here; you made me sick.

 

I get that this is flippant, but it is incredibly mysoginistic. Suggesting that the woman (or lower earner) in any relationship is trading sex or love for rent is truly an awful point of view. 


ok ok...Id really not like my thread to get locked (even though its been awhile since thats happened, lol), I think we can all agree to disagree here.  I posted for some advice, and see if maybe there might be any thing else I could go back to tell her.  We dont need to get  upset at others, and start with the bashing of any kind please. 

 

He knew her situation before asking her to move in.  She had a roomate to help her split bills, they lived in a modest apartment.  So, this didnt come up until after she moved in. THIS WASNT A SURPRISE TO HIM OF HER SITUAITON, THEYVE DATED MORE THAN A YEAR.  Its not right/fair that she pays any of his mortgage. She splits all the utilites, pay for all the food/liquor at home, and most time when they go out. He wants more than that, she needs a ring on her finger.  If he has no intentions of that, (she made it clear she wants to be married and not just live with someone), then she shouldnt pay any rent/mortgage or whatever. She made it clear she cant afford that. 


It's time for your friend to make a decision and not wait to see what the man's next move will be.  She can spend her time waiting and wishing if she wantsand when she finally wakes up 5 years later still shacking with no ring on her finger, she will have no one to blame but her self.  She knows what she wants and so does he at this point.  There is nothing left for her to prove and playing house and auditioning for a role that she may never have won't be determined after the fact if it has not already.  Women really have to stop relying on men for happiness.  I really hope she is not giving her all to a man that is only giving half.  Relationships are about give and take and it seems that he is tired of giving what he has in the past.  Make the man miss you, want you and figure out on their own that that you are the one.  Moving into her own place won't stop him from wanting her if he truly does.

 

If she was okay with the arrangement then I wouldn't have much to say but it is obvious that she is not fully happy and worried about the future.


I agree.  Ive told her this, and told her she needs to move back out. It will more than likely break them up, adn she knows this. They try to talk about it, and it always  end up in a fight. I told her its not worth. Move out and move on. If he loves her, he stop her moving out with a ring, and an agreement with finances that they both are ok with! 

(BK7 d/c-08/2013/FICO-400's)---> 07/2017 FICO- EQ-669, TU-676, EX-681
Scores being held down by tons of INQ/New acts Smiley Wink

Forums posts are not provided or commissioned by FICO. Forums posts have not been reviewed, approved or otherwise endorsed by FICO. It is not FICO's responsibility to ensure all posts and/or questions are answered.

† Advertiser Disclosure: The listings that appear on myFICO are from companies from which myFICO receives compensation, which may impact how and where products appear on myFICO (including, for example, the order in which they appear). myFICO does not review or include all companies or all available products.
‡ Credit cards for FICO Score ranges: The score ranges are guidelines based on internal myFICO analysis of actual applicant approvals, and having a FICO Score in a particular range does not guarantee you will be approved for credit cards recommended in that range. These ranges were not provided by any card issuer.

* For complete information, see the terms and conditions on the credit card issuer’s website. Once you click apply for this card, you will be directed to the issuer’s website where you may review the terms and conditions of the card before applying. While myFICO always strives to present the most accurate information, we show a summary to help you choose a product, not the full legal terms - and before applying you should understand the full terms of products as stated by the issuer itself.

Copyright ©2001-2015 Fair Isaac Corporation. All rights reserved.   | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Sitemap

IMPORTANT INFORMATION: All FICO® Score products made available on myFICO.com include a FICO® Score 8, along with additional FICO® Score versions. Your lender or insurer may use a different FICO® Score than the versions you receive from myFICO, or another type of credit score altogether. Learn more

FICO, myFICO, Score Watch, The score lenders use, and The Score That Matters are trademarks or registered trademarks of Fair Isaac Corporation. Equifax Credit Report is a trademark of Equifax, Inc. and its affiliated companies. Many factors affect your FICO Score and the interest rates you may receive. Fair Isaac is not a credit repair organization as defined under federal or state law, including the Credit Repair Organizations Act. Fair Isaac does not provide "credit repair" services or advice or assistance regarding "rebuilding" or "improving" your credit record, credit history or credit rating. FTC's website on credit.