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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


climbfire wrote:

pizza1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  


 

OK, I'm done here; you made me sick.

 

I get that this is flippant, but it is incredibly mysoginistic. Suggesting that the woman (or lower earner) in any relationship is trading sex or love for rent is truly an awful point of view. 


ok ok...Id really not like my thread to get locked (even though its been awhile since thats happened, lol), I think we can all agree to disagree here.  I posted for some advice, and see if maybe there might be any thing else I could go back to tell her.  We dont need to get  upset at others, and start with the bashing of any kind please. 

 

He knew her situation before asking her to move in.  She had a roomate to help her split bills, they lived in a modest apartment.  So, this didnt come up until after she moved in. THIS WASNT A SURPRISE TO HIM OF HER SITUAITON, THEYVE DATED MORE THAN A YEAR.  Its not right/fair that she pays any of his mortgage. She splits all the utilites, pay for all the food/liquor at home, and most time when they go out. He wants more than that, she needs a ring on her finger.  If he has no intentions of that, (she made it clear she wants to be married and not just live with someone), then she shouldnt pay any rent/mortgage or whatever. She made it clear she cant afford that. 


I'm legitimately shocked that you would consider what I said out of line (bashing.) Frogman's post was entirely unambiguous in its meaning and not really appropriate in any context. If the bulk of poster's don't respect the way I responded to that speech, perhaps I need to reconsider if myfico is a community I want to participate in. I don't think I need to clarify my position any further.

 

That being said, this further clarification of your friend's situation and his inability to ask for more in the beginning makes me feel that your friend should either stand her ground or be prepared to walk away entirely. He needs to treat her like a partner and put her needs at least on the same level with his own.

 

 


ok, well sorry for the insinuation, and I appreciate everyones comments, I was merely talking out loud to the post in context...I agree with your comment in red, and Ive pretty much told her the same. Its like talking to a break wall with her at times.  

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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

[ Edited ]

pizza1 wrote:

A1Credit wrote:

pizza1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  


 

OK, I'm done here; you made me sick.

 

I get that this is flippant, but it is incredibly mysoginistic. Suggesting that the woman (or lower earner) in any relationship is trading sex or love for rent is truly an awful point of view. 


ok ok...Id really not like my thread to get locked (even though its been awhile since thats happened, lol), I think we can all agree to disagree here.  I posted for some advice, and see if maybe there might be any thing else I could go back to tell her.  We dont need to get  upset at others, and start with the bashing of any kind please. 

 

He knew her situation before asking her to move in.  She had a roomate to help her split bills, they lived in a modest apartment.  So, this didnt come up until after she moved in. THIS WASNT A SURPRISE TO HIM OF HER SITUAITON, THEYVE DATED MORE THAN A YEAR.  Its not right/fair that she pays any of his mortgage. She splits all the utilites, pay for all the food/liquor at home, and most time when they go out. He wants more than that, she needs a ring on her finger.  If he has no intentions of that, (she made it clear she wants to be married and not just live with someone), then she shouldnt pay any rent/mortgage or whatever. She made it clear she cant afford that. 


It's time for your friend to make a decision and not wait to see what the man's next move will be.  She can spend her time waiting and wishing if she wantsand when she finally wakes up 5 years later still shacking with no ring on her finger, she will have no one to blame but her self.  She knows what she wants and so does he at this point.  There is nothing left for her to prove and playing house and auditioning for a role that she may never have won't be determined after the fact if it has not already.  Women really have to stop relying on men for happiness.  I really hope she is not giving her all to a man that is only giving half.  Relationships are about give and take and it seems that he is tired of giving what he has in the past.  Make the man miss you, want you and figure out on their own that that you are the one.  Moving into her own place won't stop him from wanting her if he truly does.

 

If she was okay with the arrangement then I wouldn't have much to say but it is obvious that she is not fully happy and worried about the future.


I agree.  Ive told her this, and told her she needs to move back out. It will more than likely break them up, adn she knows this. They try to talk about it, and it always  end up in a fight. I told her its not worth. Move out and move on. If he loves her, he stop her moving out with a ring, and an agreement with finances that they both are ok with! 


I'm not understanding how her moving into her own place will break them up.  If that is the case then they have bigger issues and are in no shape to marry.  Maybe time apart is the answer.  We don't miss the things we used to have until they are gone.  That is when you learn to appreciate and cherish...the ultimate test.

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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  


Couple days later but whether a joke or not, these kind of comments are inappropriate, unnecessary and lead to threads going downhill. Please do better.

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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

I just don't understand how someone can allow something said on the internet to get them so riled up.

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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  


 

OK, I'm done here; you made me sick.

 

I get that this is flippant, but it is incredibly mysoginistic. Suggesting that the woman (or lower earner) in any relationship is trading sex or love for rent is truly an awful point of view. 


It is the opposite of misogynistic.  He is treating her like a roommate and taking advantage of her.  If he wants to treat he like a roommate she should act like one.  It isn't fair to invite someone that makes less than half into YOUR HOME as your girlfriend or boyfriend and expect them to pay half YOUR MORTGAGE .  That would be true if the roles were reversed.  It is his mortgage not hers.  Like I said before even if they are married it is his house and she wouldn't get half of it if they get divorced. If he wants her to pay half add her to the title on the house.  

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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


A1Credit wrote:

I just don't understand how someone can allow something said on the internet to get them so riled up.


I think you mistake me; I'm perfectly calm. I just choose not to associate with people that communicate in that manner. If this is the community that exists here, I'll go elsewhere.

 

/r/churning wouldn't even accept that comment. That's low.

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Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:

climbfire wrote:

frogman1 wrote:


Did your wife make twice as much as you?  And you offered.  She didn't demand after asking you to move in. 


She did, and we split the bills 50:50. She definitely didn't need the money, but clearly appreciated that I had the self respect to take care of myself. I personally wouldn't have been offended if she had asked, just as I wasn't offended when she asked me to change some personal habits for as long as we live together.

 

I said earlier in the thread that it is equally inappropriate to expect someone to read your mind about what they should pay out of living expenses. Both of them should have communicated expectations before moving in together and avoided the move in the first place if they couldn't agree to terms. My strident opinion is that anyone moving in with someone else should expect to pay some portion of the mortgage, even if it is negotiated or suggested as less than half.


I think the simple solution is if he wants her to pay his mortgage for him she just brings other dudes home to spend the night with her.  


 

OK, I'm done here; you made me sick.

 

I get that this is flippant, but it is incredibly mysoginistic. Suggesting that the woman (or lower earner) in any relationship is trading sex or love for rent is truly an awful point of view. 


It is the opposite of misogynistic.  He is treating her like a roommate and taking advantage of her.  If he wants to treat he like a roommate she should act like one.  It isn't fair to invite someone that makes less than half into YOUR HOME as your girlfriend or boyfriend and expect them to pay half YOUR MORTGAGE .  That would be true if the roles were reversed.  It is his mortgage not hers.  Like I said before even if they are married it is his house and she wouldn't get half of it if they get divorced. If he wants her to pay half add her to the title on the house.  


You can apologize, rewrite your comment, or choose any other adult means of palliating the offence given. Any other choice will result in my continued lack of desire to talk with you.

Established Contributor
Posts: 546
Registered: ‎02-12-2010

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


climbfire wrote:

A1Credit wrote:

I just don't understand how someone can allow something said on the internet to get them so riled up.


I think you mistake me; I'm perfectly calm. I just choose not to associate with people that communicate in that manner. If this is the community that exists here, I'll go elsewhere.

 

/r/churning wouldn't even accept that comment. That's low.


But yet you communicated and continue to do so.  What community are you talking about?  A community of various opinions?  Everyone is not going to think the way you do and it was nothing that was said that was directed to you yet you keep threatening to leave.  I just don't get it and maybe I am not suppose to.

 

I don't wish to argue but I like to hear various viewpoints even when they don't align with my own.  It provides insight into how people think but that's just me. Smiley Wink

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Posts: 924
Registered: ‎01-16-2017

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


climbfire wrote:

A1Credit wrote:

I just don't understand how someone can allow something said on the internet to get them so riled up.


I think you mistake me; I'm perfectly calm. I just choose not to associate with people that communicate in that manner. If this is the community that exists here, I'll go elsewhere.

 

/r/churning wouldn't even accept that comment. That's low.


You personally attacked me because you disagreed with my opinion.  I really don't get why your upset.  

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Registered: ‎10-07-2014

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

Enough already.  Everyone drop the back and forth arguments and move on.  Either stay on the topic of the thread or don't post.  This is exactly why I said the comment was not necessary.  Please do not make me lock the thread because of this.  If so, that won't be the only action taken. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation

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