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How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

Valued Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

After the Marines, i met my wife.  I moved into her apartment and she never asked me to pay rent.  I did however buy groceries EVERY weekend.  That didn't last, i only lived with her for about three months then went back to Iraq as DOD contractor and made so much $$ that on vacation, i moved her and my mom into a house (not married).  Since then and until now (married now), we pay 50/50.  Her share of all bills goes into my account and i pay all the bills.

 

To OPs situation, it's really hard to answer this.  We do not know the boyfriend's intentions when she asked her to move in.  Maybe he intended to do this so that he can save money (which is not fare based on incomes) or they forgot to talk about it BEFORE she moved in.

 

Communication is the key and if she also thought moving in with him was going to free her from paying $$ on bills, she was also wrong.  If they're planning on getting married, they should re-think that...seriously.  If she decides to stay at his place, they need to discus income and bills and come to an agreement.  I'm assuming they sleep together and she doesn't have her own room...if that was the case (roommate) then yes, 50/50 would be reasonable as she would be using the HOUSE entirely (room, kitchen, electricity etc).

 

Good luck! let us know how it does down Smiley Happy


Established Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


c00mtg wrote:

After the Marines, i met my wife.  I moved into her apartment and she never asked me to pay rent.  I did however buy groceries EVERY weekend.  That didn't last, i only lived with her for about three months then went back to Iraq as DOD contractor and made so much $$ that on vacation, i moved her and my mom into a house (not married).  Since then and until now (married now), we pay 50/50.  Her share of all bills goes into my account and i pay all the bills.

 

To OPs situation, it's really hard to answer this.  We do not know the boyfriend's intentions when she asked her to move in.  Maybe he intended to do this so that he can save money (which is not fare based on incomes) or they forgot to talk about it BEFORE she moved in.

 

Communication is the key and if she also thought moving in with him was going to free her from paying $$ on bills, she was also wrong.  If they're planning on getting married, they should re-think that...seriously.  If she decides to stay at his place, they need to discus income and bills and come to an agreement.  I'm assuming they sleep together and she doesn't have her own room...if that was the case (roommate) then yes, 50/50 would be reasonable as she would be using the HOUSE entirely (room, kitchen, electricity etc).

 

Good luck! let us know how it does down Smiley Happy


Great post!  Do you and your wife make an fairly equal salary?  How can a person that makes considerable less comfortably chip in 50/50?  This would eat up and left over money to one with less income would have at the end of each month.  How can they save and continue to solidify their financial standing in this case?  Seems like the other would benefit the most in this scenerio.

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Established Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


A1Credit wrote:

c00mtg wrote:

After the Marines, i met my wife.  I moved into her apartment and she never asked me to pay rent.  I did however buy groceries EVERY weekend.  That didn't last, i only lived with her for about three months then went back to Iraq as DOD contractor and made so much $$ that on vacation, i moved her and my mom into a house (not married).  Since then and until now (married now), we pay 50/50.  Her share of all bills goes into my account and i pay all the bills.

 

To OPs situation, it's really hard to answer this.  We do not know the boyfriend's intentions when she asked her to move in.  Maybe he intended to do this so that he can save money (which is not fare based on incomes) or they forgot to talk about it BEFORE she moved in.

 

Communication is the key and if she also thought moving in with him was going to free her from paying $$ on bills, she was also wrong.  If they're planning on getting married, they should re-think that...seriously.  If she decides to stay at his place, they need to discus income and bills and come to an agreement.  I'm assuming they sleep together and she doesn't have her own room...if that was the case (roommate) then yes, 50/50 would be reasonable as she would be using the HOUSE entirely (room, kitchen, electricity etc).

 

Good luck! let us know how it does down Smiley Happy


Great post!  Do you and your wife make an fairly equal salary?  How can a person that makes considerable less comfortably chip in 50/50?  This would eat up and left over money to one with less income would have at the end of each month.  How can they save and continue to solidify their financial standing in this case?  Seems like the other would benefit the most in this scenerio.


The answer to your question is simple if you remove the assumption that people are living beyond their means (which unfortunately, most people do).

 

My wife and I could split things 50/50 despite my making over 4x what she does because our standard of living is low enough that she could afford it. Just because someone makes $15,000/month doesn't mean they should be living in a $4,000/month place or driving a $100,000 car. Our mortgage is $1,000 and our total expenses each month are under $2500.

 

The reason we don't split 50/50 is because it benefits me (and her) not to. By me taking up more expenses, she can devote a much larger portion of her paycheck to 401k contributions, and that will help me as much as it does her when we retire.

Established Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


iced wrote:

A1Credit wrote:

c00mtg wrote:

After the Marines, i met my wife.  I moved into her apartment and she never asked me to pay rent.  I did however buy groceries EVERY weekend.  That didn't last, i only lived with her for about three months then went back to Iraq as DOD contractor and made so much $$ that on vacation, i moved her and my mom into a house (not married).  Since then and until now (married now), we pay 50/50.  Her share of all bills goes into my account and i pay all the bills.

 

To OPs situation, it's really hard to answer this.  We do not know the boyfriend's intentions when she asked her to move in.  Maybe he intended to do this so that he can save money (which is not fare based on incomes) or they forgot to talk about it BEFORE she moved in.

 

Communication is the key and if she also thought moving in with him was going to free her from paying $$ on bills, she was also wrong.  If they're planning on getting married, they should re-think that...seriously.  If she decides to stay at his place, they need to discus income and bills and come to an agreement.  I'm assuming they sleep together and she doesn't have her own room...if that was the case (roommate) then yes, 50/50 would be reasonable as she would be using the HOUSE entirely (room, kitchen, electricity etc).

 

Good luck! let us know how it does down Smiley Happy


Great post!  Do you and your wife make an fairly equal salary?  How can a person that makes considerable less comfortably chip in 50/50?  This would eat up and left over money to one with less income would have at the end of each month.  How can they save and continue to solidify their financial standing in this case?  Seems like the other would benefit the most in this scenerio.


The answer to your question is simple if you remove the assumption that people are living beyond their means (which unfortunately, most people do).

 

My wife and I could split things 50/50 despite my making over 4x what she does because our standard of living is low enough that she could afford it. Just because someone makes $15,000/month doesn't mean they should be living in a $4,000/month place or driving a $100,000 car. Our mortgage is $1,000 and our total expenses each month are under $2500.

 

The reason we don't split 50/50 is because it benefits me (and her) not to. By me taking up more expenses, she can devote a much larger portion of her paycheck to 401k contributions, and that will help me as much as it does her when we retire.


I would agree with this except in this case, the house was already bought so she does not have the ability to determine whether she can afford it or not.  This would only come into play if they were to buy a home or another large purchase together.  He bought the home according to what HE could afford.  

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Valued Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


A1Credit wrote:

c00mtg wrote:

After the Marines, i met my wife.  I moved into her apartment and she never asked me to pay rent.  I did however buy groceries EVERY weekend.  That didn't last, i only lived with her for about three months then went back to Iraq as DOD contractor and made so much $$ that on vacation, i moved her and my mom into a house (not married).  Since then and until now (married now), we pay 50/50.  Her share of all bills goes into my account and i pay all the bills.

 

To OPs situation, it's really hard to answer this.  We do not know the boyfriend's intentions when she asked her to move in.  Maybe he intended to do this so that he can save money (which is not fare based on incomes) or they forgot to talk about it BEFORE she moved in.

 

Communication is the key and if she also thought moving in with him was going to free her from paying $$ on bills, she was also wrong.  If they're planning on getting married, they should re-think that...seriously.  If she decides to stay at his place, they need to discus income and bills and come to an agreement.  I'm assuming they sleep together and she doesn't have her own room...if that was the case (roommate) then yes, 50/50 would be reasonable as she would be using the HOUSE entirely (room, kitchen, electricity etc).

 

Good luck! let us know how it does down Smiley Happy


Great post!  Do you and your wife make an fairly equal salary?  How can a person that makes considerable less comfortably chip in 50/50?  This would eat up and left over money to one with less income would have at the end of each month.  How can they save and continue to solidify their financial standing in this case?  Seems like the other would benefit the most in this scenerio.



She makes $10k more per year than me.  We do 50/50. This is why I was saying that we do not know the boyfriend's intention when the decision was made to move in together.  Again, they need to seat and decide who pays what and how much, for the exact reason that she makes way more than him. Regardless, she needs to contribute with bills and they need to come to an agreement as to how much.

 

If in the future if she gets a better job and makes more money, then they can re-visit the issue.


Valued Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


A1Credit wrote:

iced wrote:

A1Credit wrote:

c00mtg wrote:

After the Marines, i met my wife.  I moved into her apartment and she never asked me to pay rent.  I did however buy groceries EVERY weekend.  That didn't last, i only lived with her for about three months then went back to Iraq as DOD contractor and made so much $$ that on vacation, i moved her and my mom into a house (not married).  Since then and until now (married now), we pay 50/50.  Her share of all bills goes into my account and i pay all the bills.

 

To OPs situation, it's really hard to answer this.  We do not know the boyfriend's intentions when she asked her to move in.  Maybe he intended to do this so that he can save money (which is not fare based on incomes) or they forgot to talk about it BEFORE she moved in.

 

Communication is the key and if she also thought moving in with him was going to free her from paying $$ on bills, she was also wrong.  If they're planning on getting married, they should re-think that...seriously.  If she decides to stay at his place, they need to discus income and bills and come to an agreement.  I'm assuming they sleep together and she doesn't have her own room...if that was the case (roommate) then yes, 50/50 would be reasonable as she would be using the HOUSE entirely (room, kitchen, electricity etc).

 

Good luck! let us know how it does down Smiley Happy


Great post!  Do you and your wife make an fairly equal salary?  How can a person that makes considerable less comfortably chip in 50/50?  This would eat up and left over money to one with less income would have at the end of each month.  How can they save and continue to solidify their financial standing in this case?  Seems like the other would benefit the most in this scenerio.


The answer to your question is simple if you remove the assumption that people are living beyond their means (which unfortunately, most people do).

 

My wife and I could split things 50/50 despite my making over 4x what she does because our standard of living is low enough that she could afford it. Just because someone makes $15,000/month doesn't mean they should be living in a $4,000/month place or driving a $100,000 car. Our mortgage is $1,000 and our total expenses each month are under $2500.

 

The reason we don't split 50/50 is because it benefits me (and her) not to. By me taking up more expenses, she can devote a much larger portion of her paycheck to 401k contributions, and that will help me as much as it does her when we retire.


I would agree with this except in this case, the house was already bought so she does not have the ability to determine whether she can afford it or not.  This would only come into play if they were to buy a home or another large purchase together.  He bought the home according to what HE could afford.  


Disagree....she needs to contribute, and again, they need to talk about it.  Obviously her boyfriend is asking for her contribution so he wants her to pay for something.  If he's not being reasonable with her on the amounts now, I can't imagine how it would go once married.

 

We all gave our opinions.  At the end of the day we all think different.  It's going to be up to them two to talk about this.  I'm sure OP gathered some useful ideas from us all to pass along lol.  Great discussion though!


Established Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


c00mtg wrote:

A1Credit wrote:

iced wrote:

A1Credit wrote:

c00mtg wrote:

After the Marines, i met my wife.  I moved into her apartment and she never asked me to pay rent.  I did however buy groceries EVERY weekend.  That didn't last, i only lived with her for about three months then went back to Iraq as DOD contractor and made so much $$ that on vacation, i moved her and my mom into a house (not married).  Since then and until now (married now), we pay 50/50.  Her share of all bills goes into my account and i pay all the bills.

 

To OPs situation, it's really hard to answer this.  We do not know the boyfriend's intentions when she asked her to move in.  Maybe he intended to do this so that he can save money (which is not fare based on incomes) or they forgot to talk about it BEFORE she moved in.

 

Communication is the key and if she also thought moving in with him was going to free her from paying $$ on bills, she was also wrong.  If they're planning on getting married, they should re-think that...seriously.  If she decides to stay at his place, they need to discus income and bills and come to an agreement.  I'm assuming they sleep together and she doesn't have her own room...if that was the case (roommate) then yes, 50/50 would be reasonable as she would be using the HOUSE entirely (room, kitchen, electricity etc).

 

Good luck! let us know how it does down Smiley Happy


Great post!  Do you and your wife make an fairly equal salary?  How can a person that makes considerable less comfortably chip in 50/50?  This would eat up and left over money to one with less income would have at the end of each month.  How can they save and continue to solidify their financial standing in this case?  Seems like the other would benefit the most in this scenerio.


The answer to your question is simple if you remove the assumption that people are living beyond their means (which unfortunately, most people do).

 

My wife and I could split things 50/50 despite my making over 4x what she does because our standard of living is low enough that she could afford it. Just because someone makes $15,000/month doesn't mean they should be living in a $4,000/month place or driving a $100,000 car. Our mortgage is $1,000 and our total expenses each month are under $2500.

 

The reason we don't split 50/50 is because it benefits me (and her) not to. By me taking up more expenses, she can devote a much larger portion of her paycheck to 401k contributions, and that will help me as much as it does her when we retire.


I would agree with this except in this case, the house was already bought so she does not have the ability to determine whether she can afford it or not.  This would only come into play if they were to buy a home or another large purchase together.  He bought the home according to what HE could afford.  


Disagree....she needs to contribute, and again, they need to talk about it.  Obviously her boyfriend is asking for her contribution so he wants her to pay for something.  If he's not being reasonable with her on the amounts now, I can't imagine how it would go once married.

 

We all gave our opinions.  At the end of the day we all think different.  It's going to be up to them two to talk about this.  I'm sure OP gathered some useful ideas from us all to pass along lol.  Great discussion though!


The OP said that her friend does contribute by paying either all of a portion of the utlities, groceries, and other misc. bills.  So I'm unsure why you speaking as if she does not contribute to the home.  My understanding is that he wants more from her financially.

 

I agree...great discussion.

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Valued Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


iced wrote:

A1Credit wrote:

c00mtg wrote:

After the Marines, i met my wife.  I moved into her apartment and she never asked me to pay rent.  I did however buy groceries EVERY weekend.  That didn't last, i only lived with her for about three months then went back to Iraq as DOD contractor and made so much $$ that on vacation, i moved her and my mom into a house (not married).  Since then and until now (married now), we pay 50/50.  Her share of all bills goes into my account and i pay all the bills.

 

To OPs situation, it's really hard to answer this.  We do not know the boyfriend's intentions when she asked her to move in.  Maybe he intended to do this so that he can save money (which is not fare based on incomes) or they forgot to talk about it BEFORE she moved in.

 

Communication is the key and if she also thought moving in with him was going to free her from paying $$ on bills, she was also wrong.  If they're planning on getting married, they should re-think that...seriously.  If she decides to stay at his place, they need to discus income and bills and come to an agreement.  I'm assuming they sleep together and she doesn't have her own room...if that was the case (roommate) then yes, 50/50 would be reasonable as she would be using the HOUSE entirely (room, kitchen, electricity etc).

 

Good luck! let us know how it does down Smiley Happy


Great post!  Do you and your wife make an fairly equal salary?  How can a person that makes considerable less comfortably chip in 50/50?  This would eat up and left over money to one with less income would have at the end of each month.  How can they save and continue to solidify their financial standing in this case?  Seems like the other would benefit the most in this scenerio.


The answer to your question is simple if you remove the assumption that people are living beyond their means (which unfortunately, most people do).

 

My wife and I could split things 50/50 despite my making over 4x what she does because our standard of living is low enough that she could afford it. Just because someone makes $15,000/month doesn't mean they should be living in a $4,000/month place or driving a $100,000 car. Our mortgage is $1,000 and our total expenses each month are under $2500.

 

The reason we don't split 50/50 is because it benefits me (and her) not to. By me taking up more expenses, she can devote a much larger portion of her paycheck to 401k contributions, and that will help me as much as it does her when we retire.


Almost forgot to reply to your post. In your case and many with similar scenarios, it makes sense and love your strategy.  However, it's hard to really lay down numbers with OPs post without knowing more of the bf and gf salary, way of living, expenses etc. (not asking for them) just saying.

 

He might be living beyond his means and this would be an opportunity for him to free up some money by having her contribute...he might not be living beyond his means....same with her.  


Established Member

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?

Well I do believe he is either living beyond his means or he is just greedy. He was paying the full mortgage before she came along and it is not like she is not helping with household expenses & is willing to pay some of the mortgage. It obvious she can't afford more because she lived in an apartment & had a roommate so why would someone you love now bring you into a situation that would now have you paying essentially what you could pay in rent to live on your own if you could? If this was my bf & he made half of what I made then I would only have him pay what he was paying in rent and/or share a percentage in rent and household expenses according to our incomes. If I make him pay half of everything then I am basically crippling him where he will now be dependent on me because I will come out the winner who is able to save more money & have more disposable income to do things I want to do.  

 

Your friend may think she is getting a catch but she is probably being used. I had a friend go through something similar.  She was financially sound but moved in with her bf to help him pay his mortgage during hard times he claimed he was going through. She actually paid the full mortgage for 2 years. She would never listen to our advice that she was getting played. After 2 years he kicked her out & moved his real gf in. She later found out that while she was paying his mortgage he was paying for a small apartment building he had purchased.

Established Contributor

Re: How do you non-married couples split your household expenses?


pinkivy wrote:

Well I do believe he is either living beyond his means or he is just greedy. He was paying the full mortgage before she came along and it is not like she is not helping with household expenses & is willing to pay some of the mortgage. It obvious she can't afford more because she lived in an apartment & had a roommate so why would someone you love now bring you into a situation that would now have you paying essentially what you could pay in rent to live on your own if you could? If this was my bf & he made half of what I made then I would only have him pay what he was paying in rent and/or share a percentage in rent and household expenses according to our incomes. If I make him pay half of everything then I am basically crippling him where he will now be dependent on me because I will come out the winner who is able to save more money & have more disposable income to do things I want to do.  

 

Your friend may think she is getting a catch but she is probably being used. I had a friend go through something similar.  She was financially sound but moved in with her bf to help him pay his mortgage during hard times he claimed he was going through. She actually paid the full mortgage for 2 years. She would never listen to our advice that she was getting played. After 2 years he kicked her out & moved his real gf in. She later found out that while she was paying his mortgage he was paying for a small apartment building he had purchased.


My mouth literally dropped when I got to the end of your story.  Wow! I bet she was devastated. What kind of financial hardship did he tell her he was experiencing her to be willing to pay the full mortgage for not 1 but 2 whole years???!!!  

 

And I agree with your response to the thread.  I think it is just the right, moral and caring thing to do.  A relationship should be an area that you strive to create equal stability in all areas of the relationship whether it be financially or emotionally.  

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