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I miss my sister...

Senior Contributor

I miss my sister...

OK, so I'm smart enough to know not to lend dollars to family that I can't afford to lose.  My sister is struggling a bit right now...let's just say that 2016 hasn't been kind to her finances.

 

I helped her with an emergency car repair in May, she'll pay me back "next week".  Lots of next weeks have come and gone, and I haven't said a word.

 

She called somewhere in August or September unable to pay her rent, and if I could help, she'll make a weekly payment back to me for both the rent money and the car repair.  I sent her some dollars and told her to pay me back whenever.

 

I've not seen any of those dollars back, and I honestly don't care...but now my sister won't speak to me.  Mostly, I'm sure, she's embarrassed and unable to repay me.  I'm not terribly worried about the dollars, I miss my sister.

 

I've called her a few times and avoided the subject, but she somehow takes the conversation to "she's going to pay me back next week" without me saying a word.  Then it doesn't happen.

 

I can forgive the debt and really don't mind.  My only worry there is that doing so will open the door for her to ask for MORE dollars and I am not in a place where I can support her....so I'm not certain of what to do.

 

I miss my sister.

 

 

Zero percent financing is where the devil lives...

10/01/17 Fico8 scores: EX 660, EQ 647, TU 663
15 REPLIES
Valued Member

Re: I miss my sister...

I hope that you all can get past this.

Just an idea. Maybe next time you talk to her, you can bring up the money first and let her know the debt is forgiven and that you want the relationship you guys once had back. With that being said, for any future requests you can say you don't have it since technically you shouldn't give anymore.
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Senior Contributor

Re: I miss my sister...

I'm sorry to hear that. I remember when I was younger and I owed my parents some money. I did not call them for close to a month because I was ashamed I could not pay them back. They essentially said the same thing you are saying now; they didn't care about the money. They just wanted to talk to me. 

 

It is amazing what money can do to families and friends. Good luck my friend Smiley Happy 

Established Contributor

Re: I miss my sister...

I agree with what has already been said, but would add maybe it would be easier to say in a text? Again  if she asks for more just apologize and explain that you don't have it to give.



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Valued Contributor

Re: I miss my sister...

Suggest to your sister that she give you her tax return.   Then there is a plan that both can live with for repayment.

 

I hope it works out for you guys.  And please, don't loan or give her any more money.

 

When I borrow money, I pay it back as fast as possible.  I have been known to make payments as little as 2 cents.  The lender (bank or person) doens't like it.  But I explain that I don't like debt and it must be paid back as fast as possible.  If I waited to until payday, the money just wouldn't be there.  Or if I had to wait to pay it all back at once, it wouldn't be there.  In the end, the lender appreciated getting all funds back, even if it wasn't the way they wanted it.  Smiley Happy

 

Maybe it would work that way with your sister?  A few dollars here and there?

Regular Contributor

Re: I miss my sister...


tcbofade wrote:

OK, so I'm smart enough to know not to lend dollars to family that I can't afford to lose.  My sister is struggling a bit right now...let's just say that 2016 hasn't been kind to her finances.

 

I helped her with an emergency car repair in May, she'll pay me back "next week".  Lots of next weeks have come and gone, and I haven't said a word.

 

She called somewhere in August or September unable to pay her rent, and if I could help, she'll make a weekly payment back to me for both the rent money and the car repair.  I sent her some dollars and told her to pay me back whenever.

 

I've not seen any of those dollars back, and I honestly don't care...but now my sister won't speak to me.  Mostly, I'm sure, she's embarrassed and unable to repay me.  I'm not terribly worried about the dollars, I miss my sister.

 

I've called her a few times and avoided the subject, but she somehow takes the conversation to "she's going to pay me back next week" without me saying a word.  Then it doesn't happen.

 

I can forgive the debt and really don't mind.  My only worry there is that doing so will open the door for her to ask for MORE dollars and I am not in a place where I can support her....so I'm not certain of what to do.

 

I miss my sister.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

 

Call her up and leave a message if you have to. In fact, text her so she doesn't interrupt you. And tell her just what you're telling us! That you were glad you could help in her time of need  just those two times, you really don't care about "getting paid back next week". But that, although you're not in financial shape to do it again, you really miss her and just want your relationship to go back to the way it was.

 

Valued Contributor

Re: I miss my sister...

Take her out to dinner. My family and I have bailed out my sister so many times. We have given her two cars, money, etc, over the years. She never seems to make a good decision and probably never will. Before my mother passed away my mother asked if we would always take care of her, and we will. We have made it very clear to my sister that she owes us nothing and never will. No emotional baggage. Family is forever, money not so much.
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Member

Re: I miss my sister...

if u gonna give money to friend and family make sure it is money u can afford to do without. bisness and family don't mix
Senior Contributor

Re: I miss my sister...

Update, of sorts...

 

Thanks for the thoughts.  Taking her out to dinner is difficult...she lives in Phoenix, AZ, I live in Kansas City.

 

I DID, however, get to send her a text a few days ago.  One particular Christmas classic was on television that always makes me think of her, so I sent a text saying as much.  We chatted back and forth for a while, and while she never specifically asked me for any money, she did start sharing her financial woes and complaints and I eventually was able to change the subject, but it was uncomfortable.

 

Hmph.  Progress, I suppose, but no solution yet. 

Zero percent financing is where the devil lives...

10/01/17 Fico8 scores: EX 660, EQ 647, TU 663
Frequent Contributor

Re: I miss my sister...

Glad to hear you were able to make at least SOME progress on or right before Christmas. That makes me happy. Smiley Happy I'm confident you two will have the relationship you once had. Just please don't become a doormat. If she asks for money, simply say "I'm so sorry but I just don't have it. Bills are due and I have to keep food on the table. Hope you understand." Nobody's perfect. We all have that one (or two, or three... lol) family members that just can't seem to get their sh*t together or just have a string of bad luck. It happens. But she has to learn to be self-reliant even if it means a little bit of tough love. Hoping it doesn't get to that point. I'm just speaking from experience. Anyways, hope you had a great Christmas and I'm glad you got to talk to your sister. Best of luck to you both in the New Year! :-)

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