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New Member
Posts: 1
Registered: ‎02-21-2014
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I want My boyfriend to file bankruptcy, is that selfish?

Hi all, I will be 23 this year and my boyfriend is 24. We've been together for 5 years. Unfortunately, I was hospitalized last year and the hospital bills were more than I could handle. I could not work and fell behind on everything. I am currently in the process of filing Chapter 7 bankruptcy which is the best option for me. Anyway, My boyfriend and I plan getting married within the next 5 years. We have always kept our finances seperate but with me filling for bankruptcy, I decided to sit down with him and explain everything I plan to do to get my credit score up so that we can plan for a wedding, buy a house, emergency savings etc. During this conversation, I learned that he has ALOT of credit card debt and he is being sued by different creditors and wages along with income taxes are being garnished. After My BK is discharged I plan on following the "How To: BK7 discharge to 700 ". Now that I know all this information about My boyfriend, I think he should file BK. I have told him this and he said he would consider it and "get back" to me :smileyindifferent: I even mentioned it to my lawyer and he suggested if he needs to do it, now would be the time.  I know the steps I need to take to get my credit where it needs to be but when we do decide to combine finances and get married I would HATE to have all my hard work be done in vain. ( im assuming if we get married my credit score will decrease because of his) I may have said it in the wrong tone, but I really am thinking about OUR future. I guess my question is, 1) is this something that would be a deal breaker for you? I love him dearly but I need to know his finances are in order before we marry. 2) How can I at least convince him to talk to my lawyer to see if its an option without sounding too agressive about it.

 

If he has to file I just rather him do it now rather than down the line when we have more assests and its more complicated.

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 479
Registered: ‎01-03-2013
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Re: I want My boyfriend to file bankruptcy, is that selfish?

Yes it would be a deal breaker for me, but if your boyfriend asked the same question about you in regards to your finances, I'd tell him to walk away and not to look back.


As of 4/3/15
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 279
Registered: ‎12-26-2012
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Re: I want My boyfriend to file bankruptcy, is that selfish?


gee23 wrote:

Hi all, I will be 23 this year and my boyfriend is 24. We've been together for 5 years. Unfortunately, I was hospitalized last year and the hospital bills were more than I could handle. I could not work and fell behind on everything. I am currently in the process of filing Chapter 7 bankruptcy which is the best option for me. Anyway, My boyfriend and I plan getting married within the next 5 years. We have always kept our finances seperate but with me filling for bankruptcy, I decided to sit down with him and explain everything I plan to do to get my credit score up so that we can plan for a wedding, buy a house, emergency savings etc. During this conversation, I learned that he has ALOT of credit card debt and he is being sued by different creditors and wages along with income taxes are being garnished. After My BK is discharged I plan on following the "How To: BK7 discharge to 700 ". Now that I know all this information about My boyfriend, I think he should file BK. I have told him this and he said he would consider it and "get back" to me :smileyindifferent: I even mentioned it to my lawyer and he suggested if he needs to do it, now would be the time.  I know the steps I need to take to get my credit where it needs to be but when we do decide to combine finances and get married I would HATE to have all my hard work be done in vain. ( im assuming if we get married my credit score will decrease because of his) I may have said it in the wrong tone, but I really am thinking about OUR future. I guess my question is, 1) is this something that would be a deal breaker for you? I love him dearly but I need to know his finances are in order before we marry. 2) How can I at least convince him to talk to my lawyer to see if its an option without sounding too agressive about it.

 

If he has to file I just rather him do it now rather than down the line when we have more assests and its more complicated.


When you get married, your credit reports WILL NOT merge, his scores will have NO effect on yours what so ever. They are seperate, only one person per credit file, per SS#. Even if he files BK after you marry it will not then report a BK to your file. Just keep all account seperate, meaning no joint accounts, that could/would get marked IIB on both reports for joints accounts. That means do not co-sign for him either or be an AU on any of his accounts incase he decides to file BK later.

I hope that helps, your lawyer should know this, so I would ask about it.

 

Also, depending on if he is willing to not have bad accounts again, if he does file, I would keep everything seperate. Don't buy a house with him until you know. Just because YOU TELL HIM TO FILE DOES NOT MEAN HE WILL CHANGE, AND MAY PAY LATE, MISS PAYMENTS, ETC, AND THAT MAY EFFECT YOU IF YOU HAVE ACCOUNT TOGETHER.

 

Just think of it this way, you can't change people, they have to change themselves, want to change themselves.

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Valued Member
Posts: 51
Registered: ‎08-20-2013
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Re: I want My boyfriend to file bankruptcy, is that selfish?

No one can tell someone else what to do with their money.

 

If he can't/won't be responsible on his own without you nagging him (and him ending up resisting you... which is a bad way to cultivate a good relationship), then move on. Either he is financial irresponsible, or else you are emotionally irresponsible with yourself (trying to control others to "give" you what you won't give yourself).

New Visitor
Posts: 4
Registered: ‎03-26-2014
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Re: I want My boyfriend to file bankruptcy, is that selfish?

While you may consider it a good start now, remember that eventually this sets a precedent in the relationship. You can certainly discuss it with him, discuss the benefits and the drawbacks and try to make him understand why you believe it is the right decision, but you should not make him an ultimatum.

New Contributor
Posts: 201
Registered: ‎04-02-2014
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Re: I want My boyfriend to file bankruptcy, is that selfish?


fltn wrote:

gee23 wrote:

Hi all, I will be 23 this year and my boyfriend is 24. We've been together for 5 years. Unfortunately, I was hospitalized last year and the hospital bills were more than I could handle. I could not work and fell behind on everything. I am currently in the process of filing Chapter 7 bankruptcy which is the best option for me. Anyway, My boyfriend and I plan getting married within the next 5 years. We have always kept our finances seperate but with me filling for bankruptcy, I decided to sit down with him and explain everything I plan to do to get my credit score up so that we can plan for a wedding, buy a house, emergency savings etc. During this conversation, I learned that he has ALOT of credit card debt and he is being sued by different creditors and wages along with income taxes are being garnished. After My BK is discharged I plan on following the "How To: BK7 discharge to 700 ". Now that I know all this information about My boyfriend, I think he should file BK. I have told him this and he said he would consider it and "get back" to me :smileyindifferent: I even mentioned it to my lawyer and he suggested if he needs to do it, now would be the time.  I know the steps I need to take to get my credit where it needs to be but when we do decide to combine finances and get married I would HATE to have all my hard work be done in vain. ( im assuming if we get married my credit score will decrease because of his) I may have said it in the wrong tone, but I really am thinking about OUR future. I guess my question is, 1) is this something that would be a deal breaker for you? I love him dearly but I need to know his finances are in order before we marry. 2) How can I at least convince him to talk to my lawyer to see if its an option without sounding too agressive about it.

 

If he has to file I just rather him do it now rather than down the line when we have more assests and its more complicated.


When you get married, your credit reports WILL NOT merge, his scores will have NO effect on yours what so ever. They are seperate, only one person per credit file, per SS#. Even if he files BK after you marry it will not then report a BK to your file. Just keep all account seperate, meaning no joint accounts, that could/would get marked IIB on both reports for joints accounts. That means do not co-sign for him either or be an AU on any of his accounts incase he decides to file BK later.

I hope that helps, your lawyer should know this, so I would ask about it.

 

Also, depending on if he is willing to not have bad accounts again, if he does file, I would keep everything seperate. Don't buy a house with him until you know. Just because YOU TELL HIM TO FILE DOES NOT MEAN HE WILL CHANGE, AND MAY PAY LATE, MISS PAYMENTS, ETC, AND THAT MAY EFFECT YOU IF YOU HAVE ACCOUNT TOGETHER.

 

Just think of it this way, you can't change people, they have to change themselves, want to change themselves.


FLTN is right your credit would be separate from his if you were married.  However, if you buy a house you don't want to have to be the only one with good credit to get the best rates.  Also depending on your occupation at the time, and the income, you might have to have your future husband sign together on a mortgage.  This is really the only time I would see where either party has bad credit could come into play where it effects the other person.

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Regular Contributor
Posts: 234
Registered: ‎05-31-2013
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Re: I want My boyfriend to file bankruptcy, is that selfish?

Just personal opinion but neither of you have the right to tell the other what to do at this stage in the game. You're not married, or even engaged. Your just dating. He may find a way to turn this thing around and you guys may not wind up together. But making a lifechanging decision that will impact you for the better part of a decade because soemone who you aren't married to asks you is silly. He needs to make the best decisions right now for him, and once he puts a ring on it then you both can together make the best decions for your family. Best of luck in making it all work out!:smileyhappy:

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