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Regular Contributor
Posts: 133
Registered: ‎10-14-2015
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Re: Ideas on splitting bills/expenses in relationships?


iced wrote:

In our relationship, we're both content with doing everything. We're also equal partners who won't let the other do everything for us.



I think that's the key, there. Both partners need to have this perspective for the arrangement to work.

 

I really like how you've explained things. I'm now noticing my relationship follows a similar pattern, in that certain bills just "land" with one person or the other, and neither of us  keep track unless something becomes too much of a burden for one of us to maintain it, then it gets mentioned.


Senior Contributor
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Registered: ‎04-11-2016
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Re: Ideas on splitting bills/expenses in relationships?


iced wrote:

BrutalBodyShots wrote:

iced wrote:

I would not take issue with that breakdown.


Understood.  So you're alright with doing 100% of the housework and paying 100% of the bills while your significant other doesn't contribute at all.  If that's the case, who wouldn't want you as a significant other eh?

 

This thread is called about splitting up these things (compromising).  It seems you're content with them not being split?

 

 


In our relationship, we're both content with doing everything. We're also equal partners who won't let the other do everything for us.

 

I mentioned early on in the thread we have no joint accounts and have divided the expenses between us. This lack of joint accounts requires us to split things up, but there are no rules or lines in the sand regarding who has to pay what. Bills on autopay, like mortgage payments and cable bills, are paid by one individual consistently, not because it's his or her obligation, but because that's just how things landed when we set them up. In the end, I make more so I feel I should pay more, but she'll never say that to me. She shouldn't have to.

 

For the non-financial matters, there are similarly no rules in our relationship. If she starts to clean the house and I notice her cleaning, I'll jump in to help. If she wants something from the store and it's cold outside, I'll put my shoes on and trek through the snow to the store to pick up whatever she wants. Some days I cook dinner and she washes dishes. Other days she cooks and I wash dishes. Still others I both cook and wash dishes, and there's days where she does both. I'd rather do both cooking and dishwashing. However, she won't let me do both with any regularity, even if it means running in to cook dinner while I'm in the restroom or doing dishes while I'm still eating, but I digress. 

 

The point I'm making is that while things do get split up, it's not premeditated. We both sometimes think the other is doing too much so we step up and pitch in more. The result is whatever it happens to be. It might be balanced one time and not balanced another, but honestly we don't care. We're both happy and we both know it'll all balance out in the end. This has worked well for the two of us, but I get that it may not be for for everyone.


Your above synopsis sounds like complete compromise to me, which is quite different than your previous post where you say you would take no issue with one person in a relationship paying 100% of the bills and doing 100% of the other work while the other person contributed nothing both financially and with respect to non-financial things such as housework.

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Posts: 274
Registered: ‎07-08-2016
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Re: Ideas on splitting bills/expenses in relationships?


BrutalBodyShots wrote:

Your above synopsis sounds like complete compromise to me, which is quite different than your previous post where you say you would take no issue with one person in a relationship paying 100% of the bills and doing 100% of the other work while the other person contributed nothing both financially and with respect to non-financial things such as housework.


This response confuses me for two reasons:

 

1. Compromise impliles settling a disagreement/dispute by both sides making concessions. Neither of us had a dispute over finances/labor and no compromising ever took place. We both try to do as much as we can and by the fact we're both fallible homo sapiens neither of us manages to get to 100%. How is this a complete compromise?

 

2. I continue to take no issue with one person in a relationship paying 100% of the bills and doing 100% of the work. I also have no expectations whatsoever to what my partner contributes. She could come home tomorrow and say she quit her job and I would assume 100% of the financial load. Even then, I would continue to try to do as much of the household work as I could. If she was injured/disabled tomorrow, I would do 100% of both without hesitation. How is that quite different?

 

I can see your point, but to do so I have to make the assumption you are referring to a specific case where one person willfully and deliberately does nothing because he/she knows the partner will do all of the work and pay all of the bills. In that case, it would be unfair and not desirable, but then I would ask why someone would knowingly stay in such a relationship in the first place. If you have to set boundaries and restrictions in a relationship, it's set up to fail. I think Irish made a comment sometime back about boxing matches and the foreshadowing of problems. This would be one such boxing match.

 

In the end, if you understood what point I'm trying to convey - some relationships exist where no planning and/or balance of division of labor/finances occurs - then that's all that matters.

Senior Contributor
Posts: 4,838
Registered: ‎04-11-2016
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Re: Ideas on splitting bills/expenses in relationships?

It occurs, just naturally rather than forced.

 

You say you don't compromise because to you that means that both sides are making concessions.  I disagree.  It doesn't have to be "giving up" but can be "giving more."  You made a reference that if someone is doing something like cooking or the dishes and they leave the room that the other person may jump in and contribute.  That's compromise, just in a reverse way.  It's someone contributing differently which cases the other person to contribute differently.  I don't think that "compromise" needs to be viewed as a negative thing.

 

Again, extenuating circumstances like someone losing their job or someone being disabled are not typical and I wasn't considering these situations when discussing how bills and/or housework would be shared.  Certainly when one of these uncommon things happens it's going to impact the shared responsibilities, be them financial or non-financial.

 

Why stay in a relationship that has one person contributing everything and the other nothing?  You said it on the last page:  "You love them."

 

 

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 274
Registered: ‎07-08-2016
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Re: Ideas on splitting bills/expenses in relationships?

I cannot imagine loving anyone who I knew was just taking advantage of me, but some people do (or at least think they do) or else we wouldn't have the term "unrequited love". if I did, I would blindly and contentedly contribute 100% until my family and friends forced an intervention.

 

And with that, we've reached the edge of relevancy on this discussion. 

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Senior Contributor
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Registered: ‎04-11-2016
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Re: Ideas on splitting bills/expenses in relationships?

It's often tough to be able to imagine something that you have never experienced.

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